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Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,384
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

How do you keep your spirits up when you live with someone chronically ill?

It's easier during the school year when I'm out of the house for eight hours a day, surrounded by vivacious kids.  Summers are harder.

 

Just wondering how others deal with it.

Thank you.

~ house cat ~ beautiful blue ridge mountains
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,754
Registered: ‎08-19-2014

Re: How do you keep your spirits up when you live with someone chronically ill?

  I am not facing this but I have a friend who is going through it too.You have to try to set aside time for yourself.Take a walk,meet a friend for lunch, go shopping, see a movie etc.

   You should take care of your needs. You have to have a strong body & mind so that you can care for others.You matter too.

   @house_cat  I’m so sorry that you’re going through this.I don’t mean to pry but if you would like to share with us perhaps your  forum friends can help.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,384
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: How do you keep your spirits up when you live with someone chronically ill?

[ Edited ]

@Nicksmom

 

My husband and I are the same age, 59.  He has a number of health problems, including RA, Fibromyalgia and debilitating spinal issues that cause unrelenting pain.  Some days are better than others, but none are good. Of course the pain affects his mood, as well.  He sees a host of specialists, all outstanding in their fields, at the very best hospitals, but there's only so much that can be done.

 

This is a time in our lives when I thought we'd be enjoying the benefits of years of hard work, but instead, it seems we've FF right to our declining years.  I have great compassion for him and do all I can to make his life easier, but it takes its toll. My friends, though they know our situation, lead very different lives and have expectations for us that we cannot meet, which only makes me feel guilty.  I know I'm not alone and there are others in far worse situations, but some days are tough.

~ house cat ~ beautiful blue ridge mountains
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,328
Registered: ‎06-10-2015

Re: How do you keep your spirits up when you live with someone chronically ill?

I agree that taking time for you is a major point.  If possible have some girlfriends over for coffee, tea or booze just to visit.  If hubby is up to it have a cookout at your house with friends and/or family.  God bless you and your husband.

Fear Is Incomplete Knowledge---Agatha Christie
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,754
Registered: ‎08-19-2014

Re: How do you keep your spirits up when you live with someone chronically ill?

    I’m so sorry that you are going through this.I understand how hard it is for you to cope at times.Of course you love your husband but you’re only human.

   Don’t worry about others expectations.You have to do what’s good for you.You have nothing to feel guilty about!!

    Try to get out a bit on your own if necessary.If you can get a friend or family member to join you fine.If not go out anyway.You need to clear your head.

   Is your husband able to get out on better days? If he is than try to do something together spur of the moment.It could be something simple like taking a walk or grabbing a quick lunch.

    If you ever need to talk please reach out.Take care of yourself.You matter!!

Honored Contributor
Posts: 13,541
Registered: ‎11-08-2014

Re: How do you keep your spirits up when you live with someone chronically ill?

Those are devastating conditions, @house_cat.  I'm so sorry your husband (and you by extension) are going through this ongoing experience...

 

I'm saying a prayer for you both.  As for your well-being, I think you've been given some good suggestions.  Anything you can do to give yourself a little respite from your challenging responsibilities, I hope you can do.  Your job during the school year is probably a lifeline, as it presents totally different tasks and occupies your mind while there.

 

I expect you will get lots of support in this thread.  Hugs to you, and prayers.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,517
Registered: ‎04-10-2012

Re: How do you keep your spirits up when you live with someone chronically ill?

I know this must sound selfish...but being the "one" of the two of us who is chronically ill.....i know it isn't easy for the healthier of the two of you......but one thing that should help keep your spirits up is the fact you "can" escape (as it sounds like you do when you are working during the school year) and be able to do things for yourself...and be with others and forget for 8 hours a day................my heart goes out to the chronically ill person who "can't" escape the illness  and has to live with that fact every day they wake up......

Honored Contributor
Posts: 11,145
Registered: ‎09-01-2010

Re: How do you keep your spirits up when you live with someone chronically ill?

[ Edited ]

Such has been my life for the last 5 years, and it doesn’t get easier.   However, I knew exactly what I was getting into when I quit my job to be home with my husband full time.   I’ve done a lot of soul searching these last few years and have simply realized, and accepted, this is my husbands life story, and I agreed to hang in there for the long haul.   I can’t fix him or change him; I can only accept that this is what it is, and I deal with it the best I can.

 

I do my best to stay focused on how his health is today.  I always know my husband is in pain from the neuropathy, and I can tell how bad from the way he walks.   On the bad days he’s content to stay home in the recliner, but on the good days he’s agreeable to a quick trip to Dollar General, etc.  We wing it when it comes to outings, and if he thinks I need to go to the grocery store, he will tell me when he feels good enough to go, or whether I’m going to have to go alone.   

 

When the day comes that my husband doesn't meet his buddies twice a week, or play cards at his sisters monthly, I will worry.   As long as he’s up and moving every day, things are still good.   

 

 

Regular Contributor
Posts: 249
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: How do you keep your spirits up when you live with someone chronically ill?

@house_cat many good recommendations here so nothing to add for you.

 

I would like to suggest magnetism malate supplement for your husband.Many with fibro do very well taking this and for myself it has gotten rid of my back pain which could be  psoritic arthritis....I started with 4  at night of Designs for Health brand and after a week dropped to 3...I have read reviews on amazon where others with fibro take 4 a day everyday...You might be able to take more if needed but i would research it..Here is a article i found and there is many more if you google..Wishing you both the best of luck..

 

https://www.verywellhealth.com/magnesium-malate-fibromyalgia-chronic-fatigue-715798

Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,384
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: How do you keep your spirits up when you live with someone chronically ill?

@RedTop

 

Thank you for sharing.  My DH has a buddy who picks him up for a coffee date once or twice a week.  I bring him to the local food pantry on Thursday evenings where he runs the show, though he can't do anything physical, he's a great manager and he enjoys the opportunity to help others.  On the better days, we do get out for short trips.  Sending you a (((hug))).

~ house cat ~ beautiful blue ridge mountains