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Valued Contributor
Posts: 956
Registered: ‎11-20-2015

Thank you so much. I haven't cried all day until I read these replies. It was a good cry. I've been preparing for this for a long time and I am grateful for the help to come. Unfortunately my brothers and sister "can't handle all that." Their words, not mine. So it's been my husband, my kids and our aide Anna who have been there for Mom. 

 

Lovely people remind me I will be blessed, but I know for sure I have already been blessed by this journey with my Mom and I know our bond is stronger than death. 

 

Our wonderful doctor is a part of the Bon Secours health network and they will supply the hospice care. Our doctor says they will be in touch with him as well and this will alleviate me having to go through what I did today to get her to the doctor.

 

.Thank you all for the details about hospice care. They are supposed to call me in the next few days to get things started.

"The love you extend to others, will eventually find it's way back to you, no matter how many times it has left you hurt."
Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,216
Registered: ‎08-02-2010

 Hospice is indeed a Godsend.  It supports the dignity of the patient at the end of life while it supports the caring of the family.  You have no regrets with regard to your mother when you honor her with hospice care.  Hospice will come in daily or more depending on the need.  Please feel free to speak with the caregivers to setup a program especially for your mother's needs.  

Honored Contributor
Posts: 19,989
Registered: ‎01-10-2013

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Honored Contributor
Posts: 20,363
Registered: ‎10-04-2010

Re: Hospice care for Mom

[ Edited ]

I'm sorry you're going through this, but it is a life saver for you, because it gives you more time to spend with her, while they come and help take care of her and make her comfortable. It is a shock to the system, and my thing was, to realize, it's not a hospital where she'll be coming back home. (She had cancer).That was a hard lesson to wrap my head around. But it gave us time to say our good byes, and spend time with her. We were able at the end to tell her it was ok to go, we were all able to come to grips with that. She was at a Hospice place. They took good care of her, and helped us too.  She was a lovely woman and is still missed a lot. It gave us time, to let it sink in, what was going on. The mind resists sometimes. No one wants to lose someone they love. They were great.

 

 

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,405
Registered: ‎07-03-2012

@Debzzz  Hospice, at least the team we had/have, is a true blessing. My dad was on hospice and when he passed in Jan my mom qualified for their services.  The attention both medical and emotional has been top notch they cover everything from nursing, cna's, social work,non denominational spiritual help if desired, and finally grief support services. The hospice nurse was right on regarding what to expect, etc.  I think the biggest decision is which hospice to go with because they aren't all equal.  Go with your gut after meeting with various groups if choice is available.   Allowing our parents to die with dignity is so valuable. You are in my thoughts. All the best. 

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,805
Registered: ‎09-07-2015

@nevergivesup wrote:

Debzz, I am very sorry for your difficult situation and would encourage you to explore Hospice care for your mom. I was a Hospice RN for ten years and found it to be a wonderful service and support for patients nearing the end of their lives as well as their families. As the previous poster stated, it does not always mean that death is imminent and in some cases patients remain on the program for up to six months.

 

You would be given a Hospice RN who would co-ordinate all of your mom's care which would take a great burden off your shoulders. Any questions at all from medication issues, pain issues, changes in behavior, need for aides etc go through her. She will contact the MD for you and facilitate any changesetc. In addition, most Hospices have back-up units at your local hospital which can provide repite for the caregivers or necessary evaluation as issues arise or, for some who don't want to die at home, a quiet restful place to pass without the noisy bustle of most hospital units.

 

Your case manger will provide emotional support to you and your extended family and explain the changes you will begin to see as your mom nears death. Taking the fear out of the process makes it so much easier for all. You will also be given follow up resources such as grief counseling etc for your own needs later.

 

This is only a brief overview but I want to commend you for being a caregiver. It is a noble calling and one that is routinely overlooked. Often even close family members fail to grasp the enormity of your devotion and sacrifice but I truly believe that love will extend beyond the bounds of time and space and shine brightly forever. I wish you and your mom all the best.


@nevergivesup

 

Thank you so much for being a Hospice RN...I really think that nurses are angels on earth who quietly go about providing loving care and support to the Patient, and to the family. I am a caregiver for a close family member, who will also be in Hospice care, and I know that I will have someone (Hospice RN) to help me  to continue to help my loved one  up until the final day of this journey.

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,805
Registered: ‎09-07-2015

@Debzzz wrote:

Thank you so much. I haven't cried all day until I read these replies. It was a good cry. I've been preparing for this for a long time and I am grateful for the help to come. Unfortunately my brothers and sister "can't handle all that." Their words, not mine. So it's been my husband, my kids and our aide Anna who have been there for Mom. 

 

Lovely people remind me I will be blessed, but I know for sure I have already been blessed by this journey with my Mom and I know our bond is stronger than death. 

 

Our wonderful doctor is a part of the Bon Secours health network and they will supply the hospice care. Our doctor says they will be in touch with him as well and this will alleviate me having to go through what I did today to get her to the doctor.

 

.Thank you all for the details about hospice care. They are supposed to call me in the next few days to get things started.


 

@Debzzz  Hugs to you and your dear Mom ! HeartHeart

Honored Contributor
Posts: 20,676
Registered: ‎03-16-2010

First let me say how sorry I am about your mother. I know the shock you are feeling.  Even knowing that the end will be coming, when it does, it still is a shock.

 

All I'll add is to reiterate how wonderful Hospice is.  I know that sounds like an oxymoron, but it's true.  It is a heavenly gift and the Hospice workers are angels on earth.  At least, in my situation it was and they were. They take care of anything and everything related to the situation.  My father was in a Hospice facility rather than at home, and he was treated better than a baby.  His care was more than we could have ever asked for, and much more than we could have done for him ourselves.  My mother was ill at the time so it understandably took a lot out of her, and the nurses were as comforting and concerned about her as they were my dad.  They were like family, only better.

 

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your mother.💔

 

 

Valued Contributor
Posts: 717
Registered: ‎08-27-2013

Re: Hospice care for Mom

[ Edited ]

@nevergivesup -  You've summarized hospice beautifully!  Our family had hospice care for my mother and the support we felt was tremendous. After my mom passed, hospice stayed in touch with us and offered any support that we might need. I remember thinking at the time what amazing people hospice nurses are. I have an enormous amount of respect and true appreciation for all that you do. Thank you!

 

@Debzzz - My thoughts are with you and your family during this very difficult time. I'm so glad you'll have hospice support to walk through it with you. 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,958
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

My mother's hospice care was wonderful. She was a few weeks shy of 95, and she became bedbound. When I would get to her side, she would smell of baby oils and her hair would be brushed and curled. 

She'd been vain about her beautiful skin, and at the end, her hands were massaged until she relaxed so I could hold her hand once again as I had when I was her little girl.

As I sat facing her with my back to the door, I had the powerful sense that my dad had entered her room and had come to take her home, as he had so often when they were young.

Thanks to her hospice team, hers was a beautiful death.