Food vs Coping

Just Bling · ‎03-10-2010

I lost my mom about a week ago, she couldn't drink or eat the last week of her life which made me very sad. I put an entire hold on my life because I just knew this was the last time I would see her.

I exchanged my coping for food, I believe I haven't consumed that much (maybe I have) but I don't have the motivation to go back to the gym or get into my "skinny thinking". It's been very very hard and I need help.

When I quit smoking going on 2 years the 1st of next month, you were here for me to help me, guide me and motivate me. I didn't think I would need anyone's help but this loss was very painful. it was my mom.

Ms X · ‎09-13-2012

Nantucket Shore: First, be kind to yourself and take it easy. Take small steps right now until your grief is less. What is causing you to eat too much in terms of the foods you have on hand or your habits? Have you tried stocking up on lower calorie foods you can snack on like low-calorie fruits and vegetables? You could also bring in only small servings of the high-calorie foods that you are prone to overeat. You could start by walking for five or ten minutes while watching T.V. whenever you feel like it. Even small steps can at least halt any weight gain and walking makes you feel better. Over time, you can ramp up your efforts as possible.

puglet1 · ‎03-31-2011

Nantucket shore, I am so very sorry for your loss. I am sending healing prayers to you.

I am familiar with the overwhelming grief as well as the emotional eating that can happen as a result of the loss of a loved one or other traumatic situations. I have had my own personal slips and slides where emotional eating is concerned, but I think I have finally come to terms with it by telling myself this: While eating more than one would like to or eating the wrong foods during a time of grief will make you feel better (it kind of numbs the pain) for the very short term, it will only make you feel even worse after the comfort wears off. And in the end, the result will make you feel a LOT worse. It becomes a vicious cycle and you just don't want to go there.

Try eating "clean" for breakfast and lunch. Save the comfort food for dinner/dessert. This way, you'll know the comfort is waiting for you at the end of the day. Take one day at a time like this. In between meals, chew sugarless gum and drink cups of hot tea. Try meditation or a relaxation technique every morning and evening. There are simple breathing/relaxation exercises that you can google. This will calm you down a bit and keep you centered.

betteb · ‎03-09-2010

I'm so sorry you lost your mother. I have been where you are. Please, be kind to yourself and allow yourself to grieve. One week is a very short amount of time.

(((((((((((((((nantucket shore)))))))))))))))))))

It's God's job to judge the terrorists. It's our mission to arrange the meeting. U.S. Marines

poshmini · ‎05-23-2011

Nantucket Shore, I am sorry for the loss of your dear mother, I truly understand for both my parents have been gone for some time now. I went through what you are going through now. It's not easy to see a parent having to go through pain and suffering, knowing there is very little of what one can do. But know she is in a better place with out pain and full of eternal life. It took me awhile to get back into life. Because you have to for yourself, and or family as well. They would not want to see their children, whom they gave birth to and took care of all their lives, to see us loose the will to carry on, and stay in a grief state of mind. What they would want to see, is us to be happy and live a good life as well, to remember the good times you shared with them and keep them in your heart always. You are stronger than you think and I believe they watch over us, always. Using food or anything else to help you through this time will do you no good and would go against all the love they had for you to see you loose faith and will. If you want to keep their loving memory alive in your heart , then with all do, give yourself respect and kindness to go on living a well life, for yourself as well as for them. I feel this is what they would want for us all. Many blessings to you.

YorkieonmyPillow · ‎01-13-2013

I'm so sorry you lost your mother.

I think grieving is a job, it's something that must be done and there are no shortcuts and no way around it. It's going to be there, no matter what you do. I am a Christian so I would pour out my heart to G_d, read comforting scriptures. In-between periods of tears, listen to soothing, uplifting music which calms and comforts you. Some people do aromatherapy, take soothing bubble baths, after a few weeks perhaps you will feel well enough to get out and get a manicure or facial, try to take care of yourself at this time. Not sure of your spiritual beliefs but I would be turning to G_d for comfort....if you have a pet, love on it as they love unconditionally........hope this helps. Again, I am very sorry to hear you lost your dear mother.

beckyb1012 · ‎03-09-2010

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my Mom in May 2013 and still have such hard days, it is better now. I did the same with the food. I live alone and even though I work out every day and wear a 0-2 I pigged out every night starting with all the sweets and stuff I was sent home with after the service. My Mom's Sunday school class and women's Bible study fixed me up but good, my freezer was full. I gained it quickly but before Labor Day of that summer I had stopped all the eating. I never binged but I was having pies and cakes from the freezer every night with ice cream missing my Mom. I did finish off all of the food just much more slowly than got back to my normal eating routine. Thank goodness I never stopped my exercising or five pounds could have been 20!

I lost the five pounds but did not loose the ache it is just not as intense.

Bless you and the precious memories you have with your Mom. I wish there was a way to get through it but there is not. I still hear a song she loved or see a John Wayne movie on that she loved and break down because like you said "she was my Mom." Prayers to you.

"Live frugally, but love extravagantly."

millieshops · ‎03-09-2010

Nantucket - I am so sorry for your loss. Warm hugs and best wishes for the strength to cope. I think my mom's death led to some of the greatest loneliness ever, just a huge hole to try to fill. It's been nearly 30 years and most of the time now that hole is shallow - I doubt it ever goes away nor do I want it to.

Fill it for a while with food, but if your mother was anything like mine, she'll be sitting on your shoulder telling you you've had enough food pretty soon. You'll still need comfort though. For me, that comfort came from other women, women who had also lots their mothers, women who also treasured the mothers still living, women who cared. They were my help, my solace when food was no longer a good answer. May you find your answer as soon as you're ready for it. Again, my sympathy for your loss.

qualitygal · ‎10-04-2010

Yes, it was your mom. It will take time to mourn her and if you're able, keep letting it out by crying when you can. It's still very new and painful. But, the next time you go to eat, ask yourself if you're hungry or using the food as a painkiller. You know. There's a reason for the term "comfort food". Then you get to think she's in a better place now. No pain or worries. You can do a scrapbook of her pictures or any other remembrances of her that you have. I won't get into the religious aspect of it since I don't know you, but I do know the pain you are going through. I will always love my mother, you will too.

Give yourself time.