I can only speak from personal experience, but I am an only child, and I don't have a boyfriend, or husband, or kids, and my mother passed in 2000, so it was just me, and me alone trying to take care of my father, while working a full-time job.
I had NO help.
Not one single person from his family ever offered to come up and help me out, even for a day or two.
Last October I had to move stuff from my apartment, and also my dad's apartment in to our new home, while working an eight hour day, five days a week.
I rented the U-Haul, I took load after load after load of stuff in my car to the new place.
I posted for help on my FB page.
Not one single person from my dad's family responded.
It wasn't until my dad became combative, and I posted a video of that, did a cousin come up.
She'll be named "Witch" from hereon out.
Yes, the house wasn't "spotless", but gee, taking care of a 92 year old with stage 6 or 7 dementia while holding down a 40 hour a week job, all by yourself, isn't easy.
It's damm difficult.
She suggested that he go to the hospital to be evaluated, and I agreed.
Next thing I know, APS is knocking on my door, and I am being investigated for neglect!
I told the agent that the ONLY time I left my dad alone, was when I went to work, and as soon as I got off of work, I came straight home.
Yes, my cousin called APS on me, because she, who had never, ever even once bothered to come up and visit her uncle, the one that she loved, the one that helped to raise her, the one that was like a father-figure to her, because she didn't like how I was doing things.
I never heard back from APS.
Then, on top of that, when my dad was in the nursing home, she tried to threaten and blackmail me, because she wanted his Power of Attorney, so that she could make his medical decisions for him, because again, she didn't like the decisions that *I* was making, which was, if he becomes agitated, which he was becoming, (and he once even hit an aid at the nursing home, and she had to go to the hospital), I told them that it was okay to sedate him.
She said that if she didn't get the P.o.A. faxed to her by 5pm the next day, she was going to go to the authorities and have charges filed on me.
So, I took a blank piece of paper, and on it I wrote, "I, Anonymous, on x/xx/2019, do hereby give Witch power of attorney." and I signed it.
It was NOT witnessed.
It was NOT notarized.
It was as worthless as a piece of used toilet paper.
But I gave her what she wanted.
I next went to my dad's attorney, and told them what was going on.
The lawyer told me that I did NOT have P.o.A. in the first place, so I couldn't give it away.
His doctor would have to fill out and sign paperwork declaring him incompetent, before I could get P.o.A. and once I did have it, the only person that I could give it to, as stated in my dad's legal papers, was the Witch's brother. The Witch was NOT listed, or named anywhere in any of my dad's legal paperwork.
Plus, the Witch and her brother did not get along.
So, when I went down to see my dad in the nursing home, the resident director pulled me in to her office, and asked me what was going on with the P.o.A.
I told her what my dad's lawyer told me, and I even gave her the lawyer's business card.
I guess she told my cousin, the Witch, because I never heard from her after that.
For all I know, Witch called my dad's attorney, who told her that I couldn't give her the P.o.A.
In fact, she couldn't even be bothered to show up for my dad's memorial service.
Nobody from my dad's family showed up for his service.
Oh, the Witch also hated the fact that my dad's nursing home was so far away from where she lived in Fallon, NV.
Dad's nursing home was in the San Francisco Bay Area.
She even tried to get him moved to a nursing home in Fallon, NV.
This nursing home was the first place that would take him.
My point to this whole long story, (and every word of it is 100% true. I wish that I was making it up) is that unless one step up to the plate, and offers to help the primary caregiver, that person has no say in how they are taking care of the ill/infermed/the elderly person.
No one wants to help out, but boy oh boy, do they ever love to criticize how the primary caregiver is doing things, and they circle like vultures when they think that there might be money in it for them.
Speaking of which, this same "dear" cousin of mine, even suggested to me, that in order for my dad to qualify for assistance, that I drain his bank account, by writing her checks on his account (I'm on his checking/saving account) to her, and she would hold the $, and after he passed, she would give it all back to me.
I.
Kid.
You.
Not.
I swear to G-d that is absolutely 100% true.
This whole fiasco with this particular cousin, and what she did, is still a (very) sore spot with me.
Witch hated the fact that *I* was in charge and she wasn't.
She hated the fact that *I* was calling the shots and she wasn't.
She hated the fact that I was standing up to her, and was fighting her.
She probably thought that I would just cower, and cave in, and give in to her.
She probably didn't expect me to go to my dad's attorney.
The Navy was her career, and she retired as Chief, so she was used to giving orders, and having them followed, no questions asked.
She forgot, I'm not military.
She wasn't my C.O.
I didn't have to take orders from her.
And she didn't like the fact that I wasn't following her orders.
Too bad.
Even though my dad was in a nursing home, I was still looking out for him.
So, yeah, I no longer talk to his side of the family.
They showed me who they were, and I believed them.
Anyway, sorry that this is so long.
If you made it this far, you deserve a medal.
The Sky looks different when you have someone you love up there.
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