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Honored Contributor
Posts: 10,102
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Elder neglect ???

 

@Sydsgma 

 

Elder neglect is right, starting with the brother deciding to neglect himself. From what you've said "he decided" not to see a doctor, or have the necessary procedures to find the source.

 

Many different types of depression as I know from my personal experience with Clinical Depression. The wife living with him, in my opinion, is a legal accessory to this elder abuse. Time someone, if really concerned,  look into legal steps to get a grip on this situation.

 

Sounds, from what you say, others are allowing this to continue. That is my outside view. What to do?  That is up to those who say they love this man.

 

 

 

hckynut

Honored Contributor
Posts: 10,413
Registered: ‎07-26-2014

Re: Elder neglect ???

Your DH can call the police in this "small town" to do a "wellness" check on his elder brother.  The police will determine if the situation is what you suspect.

 

Elder neglect/abuse is a crime.

"Never argue with a fool. Onlookers may not be able to tell the difference."
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,794
Registered: ‎06-08-2016

Re: Elder neglect ???

That's irrelevent

If he's in poor health & the wife can't handle him, he belongs in a facility, at least temporarily.

 


@tansy wrote:

Maybe the man won’t cooperate with his wife cleaning him up.  


 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 9,093
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Elder neglect ???

They need help,  all kinds of things happen when some one is sick,on top of that  he refuses to see doctors, things will get worse.

When you lose some one you L~O~V~E, that Memory of them, becomes a TREASURE.
Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,764
Registered: ‎04-23-2010

Re: Elder neglect ???


@Sydsgma wrote:

My Dh and another brother went to visit the oldest brother in the family. He lives 3 hours away in a small town. He has either a blockage or colon cancer, which he has never had treated because he will not go to a dr. He refused to have the tests done that would have determined diagnosis.

 

That willmtell you a bit about his personality. He also has major depression which exhibits itself in extreme anger and stubbornness.

 

my Dh said that when they entered the house, it smelled of p##p and he was sitting in a mess. He was disheveled and refused to talk.  His wife did all of the talking. She did not take his brother away tonclean him up.

 

My Dh comes from a very reticent family who do not like to say anything. I am the direct opposite.

 

when he told me this, I asked if they had questioned his wife and he said no. I am telling him to call my bios daughter in Ohio so she can figure out what to do because I feel this is a case of elder neglect.,

 

Any suggestions?..

 

The two brothers saw the situation, and said or did nothing? Are they willing to make phone calls to their niece or authorities? 

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,794
Registered: ‎06-08-2016

Re: Elder neglect ???

@hckynut  is right.

 

You don't have a right to refuse treatment or health care if you can't even take care of yourself - with help or without.

 

I'm sure your DH is devastated by his condition.

 

You can call the local police, but I would talk to paramedics first, see if the brother will allow himself to be transported to a local hospital.  By law, he can't be forced against his will.    The next step is the police.

 

You can also call the hospital, ask to speak to the social worker.

There is no charge for their service.  Find out all options.

 

I'm so sorry, I know this is a nightmare for your family.   And please don't play the blame game on his wife now.    Take care of the brother first.   Let professionals decide who's to blame.

 


@Sydsgma wrote:

My Dh and another brother went to visit the oldest brother in the family. He lives 3 hours away in a small town. He has either a blockage or colon cancer, which he has never had treated because he will not go to a dr. He refused to have the tests done that would have determined diagnosis.

 

That willmtell you a bit about his personality. He also has major depression which exhibits itself in extreme anger and stubbornness.

 

my Dh said that when they entered the house, it smelled of p##p and he was sitting in a mess. He was disheveled and refused to talk.  His wife did all of the talking. She did not take his brother away tonclean him up.

 

My Dh comes from a very reticent family who do not like to say anything. I am the direct opposite.

 

when he told me this, I asked if they had questioned his wife and he said no. I am telling him to call my bios daughter in Ohio so she can figure out what to do because I feel this is a case of elder neglect.,

 

Any suggestions?..


 

 

Valued Contributor
Posts: 518
Registered: ‎03-12-2010

Re: Elder neglect ???

In my opionion the 2 brothers should talk to the sick brother's daughter.She probably doesn't know that her father needs help.

 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 16,573
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Elder neglect ???

You have no idea what condition his wife might be in, either. She could be suffering from depression or dementia, also

You have a really hard job ahead. Good luck. I  hope everything works out, as best as it can

Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,820
Registered: ‎09-01-2010

Re: Elder neglect ???

Yes, this is a neglectful situation, but I am not in favor of calling in any outsiders until the family talks candidly to older brother and his wife and understands why things have gotten this bad.   Obviously they need help; they needs hands on help in the home, and they need to know what outside resources are available to help them with their situation.  

 

Embarrassing older brother and his wife by having police, or APS show up at the door for a wellness check is not the way I would choose to help my family.  Once you know what the family is dealing with and why things are this way, then you do what needs to be done to make the situation better.    

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,135
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Elder neglect ???

Why is your DH and his brother leaving it up to you to decide what to do about their brother?


'I refuse to engage in a battle of wits with an unarmed man'.......Unknown