Wellness

[DianeJ2]

@mistriTsquirrel Hugs, sending you! Hopefully this is worst of the nausea week 💗 

[mistriTsquirrel]

Thanks, @DianeJ2!!    

You are a kind soul.  Thank you for being here.  

I'm not feeling as bad today as I did yesterday.  However, I still need to take the Pristiq tonight, so maybe that's why.  

How long have you been on the beta-blocker?  Do you think the side effects will dissipate, or are they something you'll have to work around?

I hope you are doing well.  

I found this and it cracked me up:

LoL

[DianeJ2]

@mistriTsquirrel Omg you find the funniest squirrel  images...That was a good one 😆

Thank you for being here Also! You are equally as kind and i love your sense of humor&spirit. I'm going through alot of similar struggles, even if not 

exactly the same, I think  we both have lots to relate to.  I was just thinking how chronic illnesses can make you feel so different from other people. I think we should be commended-not sure if people around us realize the effort it takes to try to downplay or seem normal (I hate that word lol who declares what's normal?). 

Good to hear you had a better day. What I read the first week with Pristiq sounds alot how you're feeling. How long did the doctor say to keep trying it?

The beta blocker is new for me, ugh. My lyme/fibromyalgia pain response isn't great at times. My heart rate was racing alot this year. It's helped but ooh was I a zombie the first Month! Tried all times to take it. Have to take my amitryptiline less with this or I'm 😩 I'm hoping to get off it after I do a stress test in a few weeks, just to rule out anything. I keep comparing myself lately to "normal" people every new baby announcement, etc. I never did as much before, I'm genuinely happy for people. But I'm starting to get on my nerves with this draining body lol I'm blessed yes, but also limited as I crash alot when I try to keep up stamina wise.  That leads to a mental spiral as you Know!  I also think it's just losing my parents so suddenly, etc. And we also have to deal with our physical pita (pain in the ) situations.  I'm in the same boat tired of this too, but I also think we appreciate things other people don't!  I'm so glad in a way, I have gratuitused for things I didn't pre-illness. 

Keep me posted how you did after taking the Pristiq tonight. Hmmm curious to see, since you had a good day, how you're doing after it tonight.  Thanks for the chat&the giant squirrel lol We both have wicked senses of humor, we need our own gif Board!

[mistriTsquirrel]

@DianeJ2  Well, I'm having a little less nausea, but I'm burping up stomach acid.  I've never had acid reflux from any medication before.  If this keeps going, I'm not sure what I'll do.

I'm glad we have so much in common, but I'm not glad you have to deal with chronic illness too. This is such a bummer, and you certainly do not deserve it. 

Not sure what "normal" is.  I guess it's relative, because my normal is not the same as someone else's.  I do wish mine was more like the "normal" that is associated with contentment.  Maybe I'll get closer to that if this med works out.

My appointment was yesterday, and my doctor ordered a 90-day supply of the Pristiq for me.  (My insurance wants me to do mail-order.)  So we are assuming it will be fine for me to continue on with this medication and dose for the next few months.  He also increased my Klonopin.  I'm not sure why he did that, but I don't have to take as much as he prescribed if I don't want to.  I worry about how my organs will be affected by too much medication. 

So the beta-blocker helps with the racing heartbeat?  My heartbeat races, but I have low blood pressure, so I don't think I could take a beta-blocker.  Maybe that's why the doctor gave me more Klonopin; my heart was racing, but I cannot go up in dosage yet on the Pristiq, and I don't think he can prescribe something that would decrease my already low blood pressure.  It doesn't sound like a lot of fun anyway, so I'm happy to avoid it.  I hope you can get off of it, reduce it, or that your body will get used to it and it won't affect you as much.

I know it was traumatic for you to lose your parents.  Nobody's ever ready for that, but I'm sure it's worse when they're both gone and the pain of losing them has been aggravated by how they died and other factors.  I hope your pain will ebb, and you will be able to feel more peaceful about the situation down the road.  ((hugs))

I get what you're saying about looking at other peoples' happy announcements.  I'm glad for them, but if I spend too much time on Facebook, it can lead to me comparing my life with theirs.  So I avoid Facebook and try to focus on myself.  But it's still hard not to compare.  I smile when things are going well for others, but there is a quiet sadness inside.  And I get upset when others act like I should be doing better.  I'm doing what I can.

After my appointment, I went back to my mother's house (where I was staying since Saturday).  My sister had sent me a text to tell me our cousins' dad had died.  She asked me to tell Mom.  The text conversation went well.  She told me she and her wife are telling the kids tomorrow that they will be getting separated.  I told her I hope it goes well, and that I think the kids will be okay, it will just take time.  So, I guess my sister and I are sort of talking again (at a distance).  

My mom and I talked, and I told her what my sister told me.  She was angry that the kids have to deal with their parents' situation, and she predicts a catastrophic outcome.  I mentioned that the kids are lucky to have parents who they know love them, and that it will help them through the situation.  She insisted that they will be deeply scarred for life.

I knew it was time to pack up the car and go home.  (LoL)  

I couldn't help but feel irritated that all of this concern was missing when my sister and I were kids.  And it aggravates me that she seems to be so angry with my sister and sister-in-law about this situation.  They both have their reasons for what they're doing.  I understand why my mother is worried about the kids, but I feel like she is so toxically angry at my sister and sister-in-law that it will only cause more problems (and it's hypocritical).  I also cannot get wrapped up in her doomsday predictions.  She told me to mark her words that her brothers and sisters would not react well to the news that my sister is transgender.  I was worried too, but I told her to wait and see.  They seem to be taking the news well.  The brother she was most convinced would react badly did not.

I didn't say much to her when she was ranting.  I do try to bring up other points of view or possibilities when she goes off like she did, in the hopes that she will see other peoples' points of view and realize that every situation doesn't wind up a tragedy.  Sometimes she seems to get something out of what I say, but most of the time she maintains her mindset. 

It's best for me to distance myself from that.  I have a hard enough time thinking positively as it is.  It was probably time for me to come home anyway, because even though I still feel like c***, I need to be getting things done here when I can.  I only needed to be there in case I had a bad reaction.  Hopefully things will be better from here on out.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed my novel, and that you're doing well.  

[DianeJ2]

@mistriTsquirrel Happy Friday dear squirrel!

First, my heartfelt condolences on your family member  passing.  So sorry for your loss 💖⚘Then having to break the news to your mom must not have been fun. I had to break news to my younger sister of my mom's unexpected passing. Your mom does tend to live in immediate doomsday, you're right to distance yourself when she starts. Self fulfilling prophecy-if you keep putting it out there, eventually it comes true! I have heard alot of women say what you did, that their moms were better grandmas than moms to them. My own mothers mother was such a fantastic grandma! Used to perplex me that my mom didnt get along with her until much later in life.  But totally different grandmother that I got.

You will be there for your sister's kids, no doubt, Aunt M will be a great person for them to lean on and vent to when they need. I had a feeling you&your sister would slowly start to thaw the ice. I'm so glad for you, you deserve it! And you're obviously respected by her even if she doesn't act like it at times. She picks you in the hardest times to deal with your mom, because you're better at it and she's not.

Ok good, glad you got the ok for the Pristiq. Did the doctor say what you can take for the acid? Betaine? Zantac? I take Zantac 150mg cool mint when mine gets that burpy gurgling from my nsaid med. Omg I do love the beta blocker for the rapid heart rate. My actual blood pressure is low now but I can be on it. Wow I didn't realize how much anxiety my fast heart beat was creating! It's sooooo much better not getting flushed and restless. And i am getting used to it now, im taking it around 9pm. Daytime no way lol zzzzzz Is klonopin for insomnia or anti anxiety?  

Thank you so much for the beautiful and kind words. I'm sorry too that you are dealing with so much. It's a a gift out of illness, etc when you find the good. Thank you for extending your friendship to me as Well! I think we have great perspectives to share and we look for the humor in things. 

For the love of god, I'm glad you were well enough to pack the car and hang at home. It's so great you can go there and be with her, but you are wisely knowing when to retreat to the squirrel nest 😉 You're balancing that great!!

It's a rainy night in CT, doing laundry.. feels strangely like a fall night!  I hope you have a great Saturday&that you  continue to keep feeling  better this week! Hit me up for a chat over the weekend anytime if you want/need. Hugs to you!  xo 

[mistriTsquirrel]

Hi, @DianeJ2!!  LoL about restarting the dryer.  Usually I forget stuff is in there and restart it to get the wrinkles out.

No need for condolences about my cousins' dad.  He and my aunt divorced years ago, and he didn't treat her or my cousins well.  So I don't think of him as my uncle.  Not that I wished bad things for him...I just didn't feel connected to him.  When I told my mother, she said my aunt had called her the night before and she already knew...she just didn't think to tell me.  It's sad that he is gone, but we were not close to him.  We both feel bad for my cousins though, and for his family.

My mom continued a cycle in our family.  She is a good grandma to those kids, but wasn't as good with her own.  Her mother was the same way.  And her mother's mother was the same way.  Now that I'm older, I can see how my grandma really is.  When I was younger, I thought the world of her, and since I've gotten older, I see why my mom isn't close to her.

As far as my sister's kids go, my mom and I live so far away from them that we only see them a few times a year.  My mother and I don't have the closeness with them that we probably would if there wasn't so much distance between us.  I don't think they will be eager to talk to me about things.  They talk to their friends, their parents and their counselor.  They don't seem to like talking on the phone.  When they do talk on the phone, it's my mom or I asking them questions and them answering.  But they are pretty young, so that's normal.

I don't think my sister respects me.  But I'm far from being the only one she treats poorly.  And I think she picks me to deal with our mom so that she won't have to.  I don't think that our good text conversation indicates anything other than a good phase we're going through, but it's better than arguing.

I didn't talk to the doctor about the acid reflux.  I figure I'll wait and see if it goes away.  Maybe my stomach will calm down and it won't be a problem, or maybe I can make lifestyle changes that will help.

It's funny you mention being restless without the beta blocker.  I have been rather restless and irritable lately, when I'm up.  I've also been sleeping more for the past few days, as I've been more tired.  I hope this isn't my new normal.  

The Klonopin used to be just before bed.  Now I've been instructed to take it during the day, but I just started that today...and I'm feeling really fuzzy-headed.  I took half a tablet around 6 am, then I slept for about 4 hours.  And I still feel tired.  I'm not sure daytime use is going to work out.

Today it is overcast here.  I kind of like it.  There's a calmness that I don't feel on sunny days.  I know I need to get some things done, but I still feel drugged from that Klonopin.  Not sure how much I'll get done today.  And I only took half of what I was supposed to take.

The fall squirrel with the mug is so cute!!  I love the fall.  The only thing I don't like about it is that winter is right after it.  I could do without winter weather, that's for sure...but I don't like hot weather either.  So spring and fall are my favorite seasons.

Thank you for your kindness, my friend!!   I hope everything I wrote was coherent.  The Klonopin has made me feel loopy.

I hope things are going well; let me know.  And I hope you are having a great weekend!!  I will talk to you soon.  

[DianeJ2]

@mistriTsquirrel I will write more later on what you wrote, heading to  drop off blankets to the pet shelter (on a cleaning binge)  but wanted to quickly say hi! I love the "Maine" like overcast days too!   back to hot today grrrrr 😊 

[DianeJ2]

@mistriTsquirrel Hi MistriT! How's your Sunday going? 🐿

Oh geez taking the klonopin during the day must be making you 😪 I can relate to That! That's why I switched to nighttime. Perhaps your doctor has a good reason to take it during the day, hopefully, temporary.

I didn't realize your sister lives far from you. Both mine do, they moved to the Midwest and I tend to text with the teens alot to keep up with them. They seem to feel free to share more with auntie  that way,  makes me seem hip lol Helps me too on the groggy days, chatting can be an effort as you know.  What is up with your sister for sure. I'm thinking she would understand and have more compassion in general,  with her feeling misunderstood etc. She definitely sounds angry. I went through that stage where i didn't realize I was becoming cynical (I'm from new york originally too, we are spirited lol) and that's not my nature.  A friend's dad pointed it out to me when I was talking about my parents and hard roads traveled.

Extremely restless before the beta blocker! I think the rise in heart rate would send me into a restless anxiety. On top of regular stress, not a good combination for sleeping well. I think I burned a hole in my pillow tossing and turning lol I got a wrist bp monitor (felt old then lol) from Walgreens and it's the greatest thing. Checks your pulse rate too. I have pain thresholds where my high was 92 but I was getting in the 130 range the last 6 months. Thus, the beta blocker. I can get it down with deep breathing calm, but it wasn't going down enough. I see a huge change in my anxiety and overall health with it down. CardiologI still told me also high because I hadn't moved much with that long sinus infection so when you get decondiitioned a bit, start moving again, your heart works a bit harder. In other words move my behind again a little too 🐌🏃

Hope you enjoy the rest of the day!  I'm cleaning  to donate to goodwill, etc playing some music and watching golden girls in between. Not exciting but feels great to clear some things I know will be useful. 

Chill squirrel looks happy on that wood block 😎

[mistriTsquirrel]

Hi, @DianeJ2!!

Yeah, it's weird he doubled the Klonopin, because when I first started seeing him he reduced my dose.  Now my dose is double what he reduced it to.  I'm guessing it had to do with my pulse and blood pressure, because I didn't say much to him about my anxiety.  He took my pulse and said it was high, and I told him it could be because I was so nauseated.  (You know how it is when you feel like you're about to get sick and your heart rate goes up.)

I don't know why, but my sister feels it's her job to tell people what to do.  My mom told me she threw a fit at her house because my mother isn't getting things done at a pace that suits my sister.  My mom has always said she wants to buy a small R.V. and travel across the country.  So she had these brochures sitting on the kitchen table from an R.V. show (on Mother's Day weekend), and my sister told her "Mom, you don't have the time or money to do this."  My mother has her papers in little stacks in the kitchen area, and my sister was picking them up and setting them down in a dismissive, angry way as she told my mother what her priorities should be.  (That is what my mom told me anyway, and it sounds exactly like something my sister would do, so I believe her.)

My mother wanted to move closer to my sister and her grand kids, but she has given up on that idea.  Now I think she's questioning the R.V. trip, if she hasn't given up on it altogether.  It makes me sad, because everyone has to have things they look forward to.  When I was staying at my mother's she slept most of the time.  I'm afraid she will get another blood clot from inactivity.  She had one already years ago, and she was on a blood-thinner for a year.  She isn't on it anymore.

I worry about her, but there is only so much I can do.  I can't tell her what to do.  I can only encourage her to do things that will help her.  It's a worrisome situation, but she is not a child.  I can't control what she does.

You are right about moving more.  I need to start taking my evening walks again.  (I feel groggy most of the time, but oh well.)  Now that I'm not as sick, I think I can start with some short walks and build up my stamina.  Maybe that will help with the anxiety and restlessness too.  Oddly enough, my sleep hasn't been too bad, it's when I'm up that I'm restless.  We'll see what happens if/when I go up in dose on the Pristiq.

I have to get ready for a garage sale, so that is on my agenda.  I was planning to have it sooner, but life gets in the way.  I was also thinking about re-painting the bathroom.  Right now it looks like it was painted with wite-out.  What was I thinking??  LoL  There is no shortage of things to get done here, that's for sure.

I love the Golden Girls!!  When my anxiety is bad, that show really helps me get my mind off of whatever is bothering me.  I don't have cable, so it's a good thing Hulu has it.   

[mistriTsquirrel]

@DianeJ2  I hope things are going well, and you're having a great day!!