Wellness

[mistriTsquirrel]

Thank you, @fortune.   

I should probably print that out for a few unhelpful and ignorant family members to read, because when I say things, they aren't valid for some reason.

Hugs to you and Jasper.  

[mistriTsquirrel]

Today I feel really dizzy.  I didn't realize the Cymbalta withdrawal would get worse over time, I just thought I would step down, feel bad for awhile, level out, then repeat.  I can't even step down any further until this is under control.  I feel awful.

Not only that, but today is the 3-year anniversary of my dad's death.  I've been trying to distract myself all day, thinking that no good would come of fixating on it, and the result is that I feel agitated.  

I am dizzy, restless and bored, and I'm trying not to think about him.

But I miss you, Dad.

[lolakimono]

@mistriTsquirrel

Someday soon you will be out of the "loop" of these spins-

[mistriTsquirrel]

Thanks, @lolakimono.     I sure hope so!!

[mistriTsquirrel]

It's been over a month since I started my Cymbalta taper.  I'm now down to 10 mg, and the dizziness is worse than it was when I started.  I was supposed to have an appointment with my doctor last week, but I was too dizzy to drive.  In addition to the dizziness, each step down in dose seems to have a new weird side effect that comes with it.

My mother and I have spoken very little through all of this, which is for the best.  My sister--who I'm not speaking to--came to visit for Mother's Day weekend.  She and my mother had a fight, and my sister left town the day before Mother's Day.  My mother told me she isn't speaking to my sister anymore, and that if anything ever happens to her, that I am not to call my sister...or else she will completely stop speaking to me as well.  So I guess the fight must've been really bad.  

I wonder sometimes what it must be like to have a "normal" family.  I feel sad thinking about how bad things have become.  My mother's only real joy in life is her grandkids, and I wonder if my sister will let them see her anymore.  Happy Mother's Day, Mom.  

[dooBdoo]

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@mistriTsquirrel wrote:

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@fortune wrote:

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@mistriTsquirrel

Thank you for explaining how depression works.  This is so helpful for people who don't have it and don't understand it.  It also helps those who are depressed explain to others just how they feel.  You are doing a valuable service to others with many of your posts.  Even though you're probably still feeling like cr--, you still take the time to think of others.  You are such a good writer and contribute so much to our forums!  Thank you!

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Thanks, @fortune.  I don't know that it's thinking of others that motivates me to write about this.  It's a mixture of a feeling of having to defend myself and a desire to be understood.

I do think it is hard for people to understand--even some who are depressed--if you aren't to the point where barely anything seems fun.  

When you can't remember what it was like to enjoy social contact--like those who are "normal" seem to enjoy--it's impossible to feel motivated to be social.  The same goes for other things in life.

Recently my mother kept saying, "aren't you glad your taxes are done?  Aren't you so glad that's over with?"  I just didn't understand what all the fuss was about.  I realized that she feels relief when she gets things done, or some other sense of reward.  I feel relief after I go to the bathroom...a physical relief.  I don't experience much relief or reward psychologically anymore.

I wish people who aren't depressed could imagine what it would be like to not feel a sense of relief or reward when they do things.  Just about everything people do is done with some sort of goal or reward in mind, be it immediate or delayed.  When you don't feel closer to any sort of goal while you are making steps, you'll eventually quit trying to make steps.

The only goal I am working on right now is to get off of this medication and onto a new one.  The hope is that someday I'll feel a sense of reward again.  I don't know what motivates me at this point.  I guess it's the fact that I'm afraid of homelessness.  Maybe there's also some part of me that hopes I can be somebody someday.  I don't know.

I still enjoy comedy.  That's one of the few things I still get some enjoyment from.  I wish I could do something with that, but the odds of using my sense of humor to build a career are pretty slim.  Same with writing.  

I wish I enjoyed math or computer science.

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          This is all such helpful information.    It illustrates the fact that what works for one person who's dealing with depression won't necessarily work for another.    At the same time, it's important to hear and share all those things that might have worked for us because the chances are it will apply to at least one person who hears or sees our comments.

          Depression can deaden our ability to feel pleasure.   It also can make it very hard to read/hear and comprehend.   That's "evil irony" since we need to be able to learn as much as we can to survive and to work toward getting better, and when we can't read and assimilate new info we're dealt yet another bitter blow by the enemy (depression).  

          All we can do is keep trying.   @bonnielu,  It's gratifying to know you're doing so much better.   Many can benefit from the experience you shared here.    @mistriTsquirrel,  I feel so deeply for you in this struggle.    You're bright and gifted, and I do wish you could use your talent for writing and your love of humor to help you move forward.    In our community, we have a great little comedy club that has been a wonderful resource for people who want to write or perform...  often not for money, but it's an outlet and in some cases has led to paid work, too.   

           Sending my love to all who read and post here.❤️

[dooBdoo]

Sending you flowers, @mistriTsquirrel.❤️

[Gayle2]

With regard to depression, I have struggled with that for many years.   What I do now, is try to be cosistent on doing the following things:

Everyday:

1)   I read something uplifting.   I may devote 5 minutes to  this or 1 hour, but I do it everyday.

2)  I exercise 6 days a week.   It may just be walking the dog or doing the body gym (the Marie Osmand thing available on QVC)...but I do it something most days of the week.

3)  I avoid caffeine and significantly limit alcohol (alcohol is a depressant)

4)  I have one go to friend that I can pour my heart out to.  

I am not saying any of these things are a cure by any means, but I know that when I do these things, I just feel better.

[mistriTsquirrel]

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@BeccaLou wrote:

@mistriTsquirrelIwake up and within the put-downs from Husband tend to makre me give up. So Live is just a big mess for me. I am not well and I try my best to do what I can do .Nothing by me is never good enougfh. Good luck I wish I had answers for me. Prayers be with you.

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I'm sorry, @BeccaLou.  In my experience, being with someone who treats you poorly can make you feel even more alone than if you're not with anybody.

I'm sending you my best wishes and hugs.  

[mistriTsquirrel]

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@Gayle2 wrote:

With regard to depression, I have struggled with that for many years.   What I do now, is try to be cosistent on doing the following things:

Everyday:

1)   I read something uplifting.   I may devote 5 minutes to  this or 1 hour, but I do it everyday.

2)  I exercise 6 days a week.   It may just be walking the dog or doing the body gym (the Marie Osmand thing available on QVC)...but I do it something most days of the week.

3)  I avoid caffeine and significantly limit alcohol (alcohol is a depressant)

4)  I have one go to friend that I can pour my heart out to.  

I am not saying any of these things are a cure by any means, but I know that when I do these things, I just feel better.

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Thanks, @Gayle2.  I do try to do some of these things, but have had little success with regard to being less depressed.

I am going to try to push myself to start going for walks again and eating better, but I'm sure it will be made more difficult by the dizziness I've been experiencing.