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08-12-2018 02:01 AM
Hi, @Lindsays Grandma. (((hugs))) You're a gem.❤️ The original starfish story was titled "The Star Thrower" as a part of an essay by the author Loren Eiseley.
It was adapted over the years, so there are lots of versions and usually they don't credit the actual originator. This one on "Goodreads" isn't identical to Eiseley's original but is attributed to him:
“Once upon a time, there was a wise man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing.
He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work.
One day, as he was walking along the shore, he looked down the beach and saw a human figure moving like a dancer.
He smiled to himself at the thought of someone who would dance to the day, and so, he walked faster to catch up.
As he got closer, he noticed that the figure was that of a young man, and that what he was doing was not dancing at all.
The young man was reaching down to the shore, picking up small objects, and throwing them into the ocean.
He came closer still and called out "Good morning! May I ask what it is that you are doing?"
The young man paused, looked up, and replied "Throwing starfish into the ocean."
"I must ask, then, why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?" asked the somewhat startled wise man.
To this, the young man replied, "The sun is up and the tide is going out.
If I don't throw them in, they'll die."
Upon hearing this, the wise man commented, "But, young man, do you not realize that there are miles and miles of beach and there are starfish all along every mile?
You can't possibly make a difference!"
At this, the young man bent down, picked up yet another starfish, and threw it into the ocean.
As it met the water, he said,
"It made a difference for that one." ― Loren Eiseley"
Thank you dooBdoo, I appreciate you posting this beautiful story. You are one of the kindest posters on these boards, stay well, we need you.
08-12-2018 11:49 AM
SO many nice reponses here. It's heartwarming to know that there are so many good, caring people out there. I've seen so many of you posting here and you all are so kind in your posts. I'm grateful to have found such a nice group of people here.
@butterfly123, I'm so sorry to hear your husband hasn't been well! And Im sorry to hear you haven't slept much. I hope you're both feeling better very soon! You're both in my thoughts!
08-12-2018 06:12 PM
Thank you for your positive thoughts for DH and I.
There are many kind and thoughtful posters here and I read your kind response. Thank you.
I’m hoping the self shame and public shame and misunderstanding of this disease will continue to diminish. One person with courage who shares their journey often opens a door for another to share their’s, a family member’s or a friend’s.
When we come together to lift each other up we form a bond, as you wrote. Thank you 🌹
I cannot remember the title of a book I read twenty some years ago that resonated with me. When the time is right I will remember and pass the information along.
Do do you have weekends off to enjoy with your DH?
08-13-2018 08:30 PM - edited 08-13-2018 08:36 PM
@butterfly123 how is your husband today? My husband and I do typically have weekends together. Occasionally he works weekends, but not too often. He works at a hospital near our house and is 'on call' here and there but we see each other regularly. Now my ex husband- totally different situation. Which partly explains why he's my ex but that's a whole other story. The link you shared is so touching. Not many people can say they'd react the way this woman's boyfriend did. My husband now is very much the way this boyfriend is, so I know I'm lucky to have someone who admits he may not 'get it', but he's here and he's solidly by my side. Here's another tidbit which may be TMI- we've been trying to have a baby for something like 8 years. We've had two losses now- 7/11/17 and 6/15/18. Some days I'm amazed that I'm still here, you know? I take things so personally, and so hard. And if I didn't have him.. I don't know. I'm the problem and we already know this. It's not him. And he doesn't look at me like I'm broken, or flawed- not the way I see myself at all. He's a good one.
Wondering what everyone's thoughts are on the gentleman is Seattle who crashed the plane. Richard Russell. Me personally- my heart hurts for him and his family. I can't imagine what pain he must have been going through to do what he did. Nothing but sympathy from me for him and his family, no judging at all. I tend to be pretty empathic, and that's unfortunate because I'm not good at managing how things affect me. And for some reason, this man is heavily on my mind. I really hope he's found peace. An employee of mine used to volunteer with an organization focused on helping men overcome depression, and some of the stories she had to tell were just soul crushing. I think for some men it's just so hard to talk about their feelings, to discuss their thoughts for fear of sounding 'weak'. I can't help but wonder if Mr. Russell had access to help, or if he'd tried to reach out. In any event, it feels like a loss for those of us who deal with depression every day. Maybe that's just my personal opinion, I don't know. I'm sure his poor family are left trying to pick up all the broken pieces now that he's gone. No judging from me, honestly, I just hope all the thoughts and prayers that folks surely have for them are helping them to get through this.
Heavy stuff on a Monday... sorry!
08-14-2018 12:31 AM
I read on the forum about Mr. Russell (sp) and the plane accident. I often wonder if many of us who have this diagnosis have people to reach out to. My opinion is that many are consumed with social media, working long hours and many other time consuming activities. It has become more difficult to find great friendships.
Other than reading of the plane crash, I haven’t followed the news stories. I need to protect myself from becoming emotionally overwhelmed. I do and did pray for him, his family and friends. I don’t want to sound cold, but I have become very mindful of what is tolerable for my mind and anxiety level. My own little protective bubble, one might say.
Thank you for asking about my husband. He returned to work today and is still tired, but doing much better. He was craving tacos, pasta, pizza last night. Some of his coworkers who were transported to larger hospitals are still being treated. We keep them in our thoughts and prayers.
My husband and I don’t have children, although we love kids and have many nieces and nephews. I am concerned when you spoke of yourself being the problem. Miracles happen everyday my friend. You and your husband working towards the same dream will come to fruition. Stress is a huge contributing factor in your body and mind being out of balance. I’m saddened and sorry to hear of your two children in Heaven. I hope you are your husband are processing the grief together with outside help if needed. My sister had a miscarriage and she went on to have a boy and girl. I remember the night she called to tell me and I cried so long I exhausted myself and fell asleep. I called everyday to check on my sister and she reassured me she wouldn’t give up trying. Your babies are little angels who watch over their parents from above.
I didn’t intend to write a post that wasn’t uplifting. I apologize.
I wanted to mention a website I found today. Blurt it out dot org. The organization is based in the UK, if I remember correctly. The other site that brought us together here with the woman’s journey is The Mighty dot com.
I look forward to chatting with you soon.
Hugs and blessings,
08-15-2018 09:35 PM
@butterfly123 as always, thanks for the kind words. I'm not sure what the plan is now, since we're both 41 years old. But, miracles can happen. I was told my odds of conceiving on my own were less than 1%, and it was my fertility specialist who told me this... when I was 36 years old. I just hate to get my hopes up. We were so surprised, just completely caught off guard with the first pregnancy. I took three tests and even then didn't believe it until I heard it from my doctor. The second time, same thing. We just didn't think a God in Heaven would put us through another sad loss, but it happened. Things happen as they're supposed to, I know. I just am learning to be okay with what I have and I'm trying not to focus too much on what I've lost. Each day is a new day, getting through 'today' is a victory. Also helps to remind myself that there are others who've had far greater losses and that I should consider myself lucky to be where I'm at.
Speaking of others who have it worse... I found out that my husband's dear aunt knew the young man involved in the plane crash in Seattle. She lived in Alaska for years, and apparently he lived in the same town as she did. Her godson was this man's best friend, and it sounds like, from what she's told my husband, Mr. Russell was a good, kind kid who grew up to be a good, kind adult. She says her godson is having a rough time with the loss, and I have no doubt he is. I don't want to violate their privacy by going into any more details, because I don't think that would be right and I don't think it's my place to say their business. It just saddens me more to hear all this from his aunt. And I completely, COMPLETELY get what you've said about being cautious with what you watch on TV and what you read. I struggled for awhile with what to do. If I turn my back, would it mean I didn't care?? If everyone turned their backs to things, then who would be left to care?? I helped out with several animal rescues when I first moved back to my home state but man, it just hurt. I had to walk away for a bit and I always tell myself- in the end it's not that I don't care- it's that I care too much. So I have a house FULL of cats, dogs, fish, gerbils.. and I'm learning to be okay with what I can do rather than dwell on what I can't do. Does that make sense? I'm learning my limits. So I read your last post and thought- yep- it seems like we could be twins this way. LOL.
I'm grateful to have you to chat with! I look forward to spending a few minutes a day checking in, reading your posts. They make my day!
08-16-2018 12:16 AM
I have a feeling you took a special interest in Mr. Russell’s accident for a reason not known to you at the time. Small world we live in. I will pray for Mr. Russell’s best friend (your relative) with the intention he finds comfort and eventually is able to find closure. Grief is an ongoing process, not to be rushed.
Please read what I am going to write knowing I have no ill feelings towards doctors or the medical profession.
I was diagnosed with a rare disease six years ago. We went to a well know hospital and the medical staff told me my condition would only worsen. I would eventually suffer renal failure within a couple of years. I have scans every six months and “the mass” has remained the same size as when I completed steroid treatment. The doctors tell me this doesn’t happen with this diagnosis. TMI
The reason I wanted to share this information is because the medical field looks at statistics, age and overall health of an individual, treatment options, clinical trials and others with the same diagnosis. The 1% chance to conceive is huge compared to no chance at all. For example, when I think of 1% of the population of the world that is currently 7,643,199,310 and increasing, you have a greater chance than you may have thought. That doesn’t include miracles, which you and your husband have had happen in your life.
Please pass along my heartfelt sympathies to your relatives in Alaska.
Tomorrow is a good day, a new beginning.
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