Changing your life /after 50

ANewHue · ‎11-21-2011

Has anyone here divorced after 20 plus years.of marriage. I've been married for a longtime and during that time as in life we have survived challenges (serious illness, unemployment and such). Had a bad rough patch a decade ago and I stuck it out although I was not happy and really wanted to divorce. My husband has always been a pessimist and it's getting worse. He complains about everything . We are on different pages, wanting different things from life. I feel like I have sacrificed much of my life for him and our marriage. I want to enjoy my time now and although I have health challenges I want more out of life. I worked all my life from a very young age until getting ill and I feel he has taken advantage of the situation. He works but basically that's all he does, My life should be much easier and I should have my house the way I want it. There is work that I cannot do and he does none of it and never will. I am constantly cleaning and the house can't stay clean, it's like he works against me. Although we go out you can't have a decent conversation and he never listens and creates problems for life. He needs to go to a doctor but won't and when he does he want go for the tests the doctor orders. I refuse to make any appointment. He is older than me and has a very negative attitude about life. I told him today that I cannot take it anymore and he will get served. He doesn't believe I'll go through with it, although I will be unstable financially for the first time in My life I am not too concerned , I feel I will have peace

Colonel Meow · ‎05-25-2014

I have no words of wisdom, here, but I'm sending you hugs during this challenging time. ${#emotions_dlg.wub}$ You seem like a very kind person from the interactions I've shared with you on these boards.

I won't try to guide you one way or the other because when it comes down to it, only you know what is best for you!

HappyDaze · ‎06-13-2012

I too don't have any advice for you but did want you to know that I support you and wish you all the best in the world. I'm sending you prayers for strength and happiness, beaches. You deserve only the best.

NickelEmily · ‎03-12-2010

No one can know what is in your highest and best interests but you. ... And I can't give you any advice. But I can share I know 50+ woman who recently divorced after being married about the same amount of time. If you are wobbling, please check out retrouvaille, a program for marriages tat have and are falling apart. If you are sure about your path, I wish you all the best. May you find that happiness and peace at last whatever you decide to do.

ANewHue · ‎11-21-2011

Colonel meow and. Happydaze- thanks girls. I just feel like I'm Constantly being pulled down by the immediate family. I have issues with my elderly mother causing trouble and my DH. He's a great guy but he has this real negative view on life. Like a depression sort of . With my own health challenges it just pulls me down. I fight everyday to make my quality of life better and his,outlook really annoys me. He has been very healthy and he takes advantage of it. He's a bad patient. He talks about this or that but never does any of it just talks about it. I actually been snapping at him all week because frankly I'm sick of hearing it. He is great at making excuses, instead of just doing it and getting it done he'll sit and take the time to make excuses. He had something to do in the yard and he went on for months with excuses, finally I snapped, well he did the job within a half hour, so what's the problem? I'm really on the brink, it's like me or him and of course I'm choosing me.

ANewHue · ‎11-21-2011

On 9/28/2014 NickelEmily said: No one can know what is in your highest and best interests but you. ... And I can't give you any advice. But I can share I know 50+ woman who recently divorced after being married about the same amount of time. If you are wobbling, please check out retrouvaille, a program for marriages tat have and are falling apart. If you are sure about your path, I wish you all the best. May you find that happiness and peace at last whatever you decide to do.

Thank you.

LindaLatte · ‎03-13-2010

I was married for more than 35 years before I finally divorced in my late 50's. While I don't know your situation, I know that the divorce was a good choice for me. Not an easy choice by any means. While I was lonely and unsure of myself, I was also proud of myself for finally going through with the divorce.

After the separation, I went through counseling, and a "Rebuidling" group. Both did wonders for me. It has been 10 years since this happened, and I only wish I had done it sooner.

Hope that you find a solution that works for you -- be it divorce or working on "marriage repair."

I'm very happy with my new life. Best of luck to you whatever you decide.

Linda

Tinkerbell3 · ‎03-10-2010

I think that it would serve you well to talk with someone. It could really help you sort things out. You don't owe anyone anything. Life is too short.

Have to tried couples therapy? I would certainly try that first... In addition, you really owe it to yourself to find a great therapist for YOU- YOU deserve it!

violann · ‎03-10-2010

I have a very strong belief in the fact that everything "given" to us in life is given for a reason, whether we see it at the time or not. I know why DH and I married and I know why we have struggles when we do. I also know that a re-start is very possible after 50, and careful thinking, planning, and determination is the starting point. It does sound to me as though both of you are experiencing issues that could make life as a couple difficult. If you can find any aspects of your marriage worth salvaging, your attack on the problems might you feel more proactive and empowered. Hope you're very close to finding something to renew your spirits!

gazelle77 · ‎03-01-2013

People do change after 20 years... I am going on 34 years married. The man I married in his early 20's is a different person than the man I live with now... and I also have changed and morphed into a whole new person. In relationships there are always new challenges... but, as my husband and I both get older, we rely on one another more and more and so it is creating a new and lovely bond that when younger we did not share.

I seriously would reconsider your thoughts of divorce... maybe just separate for a few months. Get a new perspective on your life. Being apart lets you see how things would be without your husband. It may help you sort out your feelings.... counseling is helpful.

I seperated from my husband in marriage Year number 7 for 6 months... got my own apartment... did my own thing. I learned how much and how deeply I loved him during that 6 months and that the grass was NOT GREENER on the other side of the fence. We have been together ever since. No, it has not been perfect, far from it, but, life is not perfect and life is full of challenges that I believe make you stronger to handle the next challenge that comes your way.

Best wishes to you and what you decide to do. Just do not do anything fast or quick. Step back, take a breather from the situation, take time. There is no rush.