Wellness

[hayseed00]

@Financialgrl   Your story was an inspiring testimony to the power of love of family and everything you endured with your illness.

[dex]

I will be caring for my 93 year old mom after she comes home from hospital.She had a fall and broke her hip.I was wondering if anyone had any ideas about how I could put a little fun in this experience for the two of us.She lives in a one room apartment..no cable or internet and she has limite eyesight.I am really stressed about this as I am a total worrier and I want to find some way to put a little joy in this time we are together.

[Deree]

@dex  your mom may enjoy listening to music with or without headphones or audio books while she's recovering.  Maybe work on a photo scrapbook and reminiscences although you said her sight is limited.

@Gayle2  As others have said probably the most important thing about being a caregiver is taking care of yourself to prevent getting burned out.  After all you're no good to anyone if you're not functioning yourself. Right?  It's overwhelming for sure and it can be very helpful to join a support group either on line or in person.  It helps to hear about others who face similar challenges and to know that you are not alone.  and you can get helpful ideas from others who have been through it.

[RedTop]

@dex,

To help keep your mom alert and focused, perhaps you could go thru old family pictures and write down names and memories she might have.   

Large piece jigsaw puzzles might be good entertainment for her.   

I got my mom interested in coloring again.   I LOVE my crayons and coloring books; just a few minutes of coloring calms and relaxes me.   

If your mom is able to do any simple type of food prep, perhaps you can involve her in whatever you prepare for lunch or dinner.   Tearing lettuce for the salad, or cutting the vegetables gets her involved and helps keep her mind focused.   

Mom used to keep us focused and quiet, counting and rolling coins.   

[iwrite]

i understand what you are going through. i took care of my mother for 15 years. honestly, i threw maintaining a balance out the window very early on. i started every day by doing what was required to take care of my mother and let things like cleaning the entire house off to the side and got to it when i could.

i refused to stress out over things like the sink was full of dishes and the dishwasher was full of clean dishes. dwelling on things like that is just neurotic.

depending on what ailment the person has, their benefits (medicare or medicaid) may pay for a home health person to come up to 3 days a week for a few hours. they key is that a doctor has to sign off on it, at least here, or the person just came out of the hospital or rehab or they have something like an ulcer that needs to be changed/treated daily.

depending on how much care the person needs, there may really not be time (unless you don't want to sleep) for "me time". instead, take 5-10 minute breaks here and there, instead of continuously working like the energizer bunny.

i can tell you that if i didn't eat well, like i did, i would have been in no shape to take care of my mother.

[LonestarBabs]

I've been the primary caregiver for my elderly mother for 3-1/2 years now. I recommend caregiving dot com -- it's a great community of support, resources, and information for caregivers. Daily chats can be helpful and fun, and you'll learn that what you're feeling/thinking isn't in isolation -- so many others are going through it, too.

[Eileen in Virginia]

@dex My 93 year old aunt was hospitalized for congestive heart failure and pneumonia in October. She went from the hospital to rehab before going back to her home. The rehab facility worked with her health insurance provider (she retired before Feds contributed to Medicare) to continue pt and ot at her home, as well as having a nurse stop in because of the monitoring required to make sure her medications were taken as appropriate to fluctuations in her vital signs. I’m sure a doctor signed off on this before her release, but we never saw it. This has been so helpful to us because they 

keep on top of her condition from a medical perspective and let us know if she needs to see her doctors earlier than a scheduled appointment. As healthcare professionals, they can get medical appointments much sooner than we can if they have a concern about her health.

Does your Mom like to play cards or other games? I like the idea about getting her some of the new adult coloring books. Puzzles are a great idea, too, because she can do them herself and put it aside if she gets bored or stumped. If the weather’s nice, maybe you could take her to a park and have a picnic lunch for the two of you. If the weather doesn’t cooperate, maybe you could take her to a mall just to window shop and get out of her apartment. Once she’s feeling up to it, would she enjoy getting her hair and nails done? Maybe bringing her a bouquet of flowers would brighten her apartment as well as her mood. They wouldn’t have to be expensive - maybe a colorful bouquet from the supermarket. Are there grandchildren who could help you or come by to cheer her up? They might be able to do some of the heavy lifting (literally) that you can’t do. Or give you a break for an hour or so. 

Don’t stress over little things, but try to make sure you keep on top of her mail, especially unpaid bills. My aunt had a lot of “Helpful Hannahs” who brought in her mail and set it down all over the living room and dining room. My very independent aunt finally conceded that it had gotten out of control and that she wasn’t up to sorting through it. When we started going through it, we found that she was several months past due on her utilities, as well as several credit cards. She was mortified by this. I don’t have power of attorney, but we set up an assembly line where I wrote & recorded the checks, she signed them and my DH got them ready to mail. It took us hours to sort through the mail initially, but it only takes a few minutes if we check on it each time we see her. In general, follow the advice they give new mothers - sleep/rest when she does. You need to maintain your own health and well-being in order to take care of your mother. Good luck!

[ANewHue]

I've been doing this for two years and my life has been put on hold. I have my own chronic illness so the energy I put into caregiving left my tank empty. I lost myself in all of it. No matter how many people said "take care of yourself" I was consumed everyday. What was worse is the person I'm caring for is ungrateful and your best is never enough. We're at a crossroad now and I need to slowly return to MY life. There comes a time when the patient has to face reality and cannot continue to expect/demand the impossible.

[ID2]

I was my dads sole caregiver during his final years. He had CHF and dementia. Life was definitely a challenge taking care of him. My advice to anyone is to get help. I hired a wonderful, caring gal to come in to relieve me. She actually worked a 40-hour week with us and between me and my brother, my dad was very comfortable. 

[iwrite]

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@ANewHue wrote:
I've been doing this for two years and my life has been put on hold. I have my own chronic illness so the energy I put into caregiving left my tank empty. I lost myself in all of it. No matter how many people said "take care of yourself" I was consumed everyday. What was worse is the person I'm caring for is ungrateful and your best is never enough. We're at a crossroad now and I need to slowly return to MY life. There comes a time when the patient has to face reality and cannot continue to expect/demand the impossible.

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@ANewHue 

i am sorry to hear that you have an illness.

the best thing one can do to take care of themselves, is to eat right.

there are different levels of care giving. i am only talking about one that needs care around the clock.

care giving for someone that can dress, feed themselves and take a bath on their own is light weight care giving, in my opinion. those in that category of providing care can go out to lunch with other people, etc, etc

for the other group, like i was, there is no stopping.

not to be mean, but you have it worse because the person is ungrateful. my mom was the complete opposite. she was over joyed, because she could stay home.never complained about anything.

my prayer for you is that a magic "be grateful" pill comes out tomorrow, so that you can give it to the person you are caring for.

i was probably in my 20's when i told her that she would never have to go to a nursing home should something happened, as long as i was alive. i said that because when i was young, i went to work with her. she was a nurse in a nursing home and it was a hot your know what mess. it scared me, like you have no idea.