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Honored Contributor
Posts: 30,054
Registered: ‎08-23-2010

@LilacTree

 

So sorry you and your daughters are going through this ....  it's never easy.

 

Not to change the subject, but did you get the refill prescription thing worked out?    I was at my doctor today and we're lowering my dosage ....  can't wait to get off the stuff!

Valued Contributor
Posts: 788
Registered: ‎01-01-2014

I am sorry your family is going through this.  My heart breaks for all.  

 

My mother was taken off food and water at her request.  Hospice called me and had me travelng ASAP to where she was located. 

 

She fought hard but ironically, when I laid my head next to hers and asked her if she was ready to go she shook her head yes.  When I asked her why she was waiting and questioned her (she could not respond verbally as she was too weak) she would shake her head yes or no.

 

Hospice called me when I was driving down and asked if I was the baby of the family.  I responded yes.  They told me the only words she spoke were baby and they thought she Mum wanted me. 

 

In the end, I asked Mum what she was waiting for.  I asked her the questions so she could shake her head yes or no.  When I asked her was she worried about who would take care of DAD she really shook her head yes.  I promised her I would take care of him very well and even take away his car keys (she always claimed he could not drive LOL).   I heard a chuckle come out of her chest.   She made a kiss with her lips towards me as I had my head on her pillow with her.   When I promised her it was OK to leave, I would handle everything, she shut her eyes and passed peacefully.

 

Hospice later told me, that many are waiting for the people they worship to tell them it is ok for them to leave them.  

 

I am certainly not an MD or an RN but I hope this story helps with what will give someone that is holding on the ability to realize it is ok to stop the fight.  

 

 

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,593
Registered: ‎03-14-2010

What a heart wrenching situation for you & your girls, Ford. My heart goes out to all of you.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,997
Registered: ‎03-25-2012

My ex-husband passed away yesterday, probably while I was still posting about him on this BB.  I was the last to know.

Formerly Ford1224
We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented. Elie Wiesel 1986
Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,997
Registered: ‎03-25-2012

@Moroco wrote:

I am sorry your family is going through this.  My heart breaks for all.  

 

My mother was taken off food and water at her request.  Hospice called me and had me travelng ASAP to where she was located. 

 

She fought hard but ironically, when I laid my head next to hers and asked her if she was ready to go she shook her head yes.  When I asked her why she was waiting and questioned her (she could not respond verbally as she was too weak) she would shake her head yes or no.

 

Hospice called me when I was driving down and asked if I was the baby of the family.  I responded yes.  They told me the only words she spoke were baby and they thought she Mum wanted me. 

 

In the end, I asked Mum what she was waiting for.  I asked her the questions so she could shake her head yes or no.  When I asked her was she worried about who would take care of DAD she really shook her head yes.  I promised her I would take care of him very well and even take away his car keys (she always claimed he could not drive LOL).   I heard a chuckle come out of her chest.   She made a kiss with her lips towards me as I had my head on her pillow with her.   When I promised her it was OK to leave, I would handle everything, she shut her eyes and passed peacefully.

 

Hospice later told me, that many are waiting for the people they worship to tell them it is ok for them to leave them.  

 

I am certainly not an MD or an RN but I hope this story helps with what will give someone that is holding on the ability to realize it is ok to stop the fight.  

 

 


How very sad.  I am so sorry.

Formerly Ford1224
We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented. Elie Wiesel 1986
Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,997
Registered: ‎03-25-2012

@Tinkrbl44 wrote:

@LilacTree

 

So sorry you and your daughters are going through this ....  it's never easy.

 

Not to change the subject, but did you get the refill prescription thing worked out?    I was at my doctor today and we're lowering my dosage ....  can't wait to get off the stuff!


My appt. with the RA doc is not until Feb. 8.  She did give me an interim prescription of prednisone until we can "discuss" other avenues of treatment at that appt.  I am still on 8 mgs.

Formerly Ford1224
We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented. Elie Wiesel 1986
Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,997
Registered: ‎03-25-2012

@Zhills wrote:

From what my girls are being told, the doctors have now told his wife that he could go 30 more days at his current level of bodily vitals.  This sounds unbelievable to me, but pretty much negates what they had told her prior.

 

About the legalities, apparently my ex was able to tell his wife, who has POA over all of his issues that he no longer wanted to live, so it is she who has made the decision for no life saving measures.  What's the use?  He would only have another stroke and it would start all over again. 

 

This is horrible for him, for her, and for my girls.  My oldest is out there, but my other three are waiting.  They went out there for his recent stroke last fall but they have jobs and children here.  They also cannot afford flying back and forth to CA.  My oldest can get the time off and can also afford it.

 

What a nightmare.  No one would let an animal suffer like this, or its owners for that matter.

 

If he is in hospice care I doubt that he really is suffering.  The persons suffering are the relatives.  I was on pain meds after an accident and I do not remember any of it.  My family told me about it later. 

 

I believe you can rest assured that he isn't actually aware of the situation even though he may respond to you as usual.   Pain meds can work wonders for the patient!

 


He was on no pain meds.  They tried morphine under the tongue, but he was too dehydrated for it to melt and flow down his throat.  They don't think he was in any pain.

Formerly Ford1224
We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented. Elie Wiesel 1986
Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,997
Registered: ‎03-25-2012

@Staciesmom wrote:

@LilacTree wrote:

@hckynutjohn wrote:

 

Hi LilacTree,

 

It is always sad for me to read or know about these types people and the stories of their life and get close to the ending. I personally have never known of a similar life story, or known someone exactly like you describe your ex- husband.

 

I honestly do not even know the legalities of this type of situation. I am guessing he is seen as "being of sound mind" and able to make his own decisions. It does not appear to me as a will to live, more like his body and mind are not in agreement on this.

 

Gotta go, too many things going on in our home right now from toilets overflowing when I was in the hospital. Ruined our finished basement/some of main floor, and all of master bedroom. Have drywallers/painters all working here right.

 

My thoughts will be with you, your girls and ex-husband, this has to be heart wrenching for all of you.

 

 

hckynut(john)

 

 


From what my girls are being told, the doctors have now told his wife that he could go 30 more days at his current level of bodily vitals.  This sounds unbelievable to me, but pretty much negates what they had told her prior.

 

About the legalities, apparently my ex was able to tell his wife, who has POA over all of his issues that he no longer wanted to live, so it is she who has made the decision for no life saving measures.  What's the use?  He would only have another stroke and it would start all over again. 

 

This is horrible for him, for her, and for my girls.  My oldest is out there, but my other three are waiting.  They went out there for his recent stroke last fall but they have jobs and children here.  They also cannot afford flying back and forth to CA.  My oldest can get the time off and can also afford it.

 

What a nightmare.  No one would let an animal suffer like this, or its owners for that matter.

 

Thank you for your thoughts, John.


My dear MIL, a retired nurse, always says we as a society treat animals better than we do people in cases like this. She has witnessed many horrific situations over her working years.


I hope I live long enough to see a law permitting assisted death for human beings.  Some states do already have it.  It's done, of course, but always kept very secret.  Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis died that way, but it was never widely publicized.  To me, it's the compassionate thing to do.

Formerly Ford1224
We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented. Elie Wiesel 1986
Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,889
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Lilac~I'm so sorry. 

 

I know this is a very difficult time for your daughters in many ways.

 

I hope they can help one another.

 

Heart

 

 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,997
Registered: ‎03-25-2012

@Lucky charm wrote:

Lilac~I'm so sorry. 

 

I know this is a very difficult time for your daughters in many ways.

 

I hope they can help one another.

 

Heart

 

 


Thank you Lucky Charm.  We shall see how it changes things, which it will in one way or another.  I'm having a hard time with accepting this myself.  He was always larger than life.

Formerly Ford1224
We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented. Elie Wiesel 1986