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Honored Contributor
Posts: 25,929
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: 82 yr old mother and dementia/very violent...

Now i am not saying this applies to anyone posting here but as a nurse I can tell you that there are families that would rather care for someone at home than put them in a facility because they don't want to spend their inheritance keeping grandpa in a home. IMO - anyone who does this gets what they deserve. This is also why often siblings don't want to put the elderly parent in a home - they aren't the one caring for him so why spend all his money is the mindset.

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,396
Registered: ‎03-16-2010

Re: 82 yr old mother and dementia/very violent...

This thread has just hung with me since it posted. Such a very, very difficult situation for any family.

For me though, if someone asks me if I have a fear of anything at all in life....my answer is ALWAYS "getting old". I do NOT want to live to ripe old age of X. I do NOT want to be this kind of burden to anyone. Not on my family, not on society. There is no 'quality of life' left when dementia sets in.

My mother had Alzheimer's (but passed away from sudden heart attack before it got too bad). Her sister is now in the final stages. Recently found out another one of her brothers and another sister just diagnosed Alz.

That is 4 out of 7 of my mothers side of my genetic family with Alzheimers.

Scariest thought that is always with me, now that I am 60.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,479
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: 82 yr old mother and dementia/very violent...

On 12/22/2014 gabstoomuch said:

This thread has just hung with me since it posted. Such a very, very difficult situation for any family.

For me though, if someone asks me if I have a fear of anything at all in life....my answer is ALWAYS "getting old". I do NOT want to live to ripe old age of X. I do NOT want to be this kind of burden to anyone. Not on my family, not on society. There is no 'quality of life' left when dementia sets in.

My mother had Alzheimer's (but passed away from sudden heart attack before it got too bad). Her sister is now in the final stages. Recently found out another one of her brothers and another sister just diagnosed Alz.

That is 4 out of 7 of my mothers side of my genetic family with Alzheimers.

Scariest thought that is always with me, now that I am 60.

Gabstoomuch, I just wanted to give you some hope. While there is no cure yet for Alzheimer's Disease and it is a truly awful disease to have, there might be some things that might mitigate disease progression, or perhaps even delay or prevent its onset:

1. Green Tea polyphenols - http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/25436420

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/16420415

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/11811904

2. Coconut oil's Medium Chain Fatty Acids: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/11811904

I wish you and your family the best.

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,346
Registered: ‎04-18-2010

Re: 82 yr old mother and dementia/very violent...

Tahoe65... How are you doing? I hope you are able to make some positives changes or get the help you need for your mother. God bless you during this difficult time.
Trusted Contributor
Posts: 3,874
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: 82 yr old mother and dementia/very violent...

On 12/22/2014 gabstoomuch said:

This thread has just hung with me since it posted. Such a very, very difficult situation for any family.

For me though, if someone asks me if I have a fear of anything at all in life....my answer is ALWAYS "getting old". I do NOT want to live to ripe old age of X. I do NOT want to be this kind of burden to anyone. Not on my family, not on society. There is no 'quality of life' left when dementia sets in.

My mother had Alzheimer's (but passed away from sudden heart attack before it got too bad). Her sister is now in the final stages. Recently found out another one of her brothers and another sister just diagnosed Alz.

That is 4 out of 7 of my mothers side of my genetic family with Alzheimers.

Scariest thought that is always with me, now that I am 60.

I'm in my 60's also and lost my dear Mom to Alzheimer's last year. Now we have DH's mom in a nursing home with dementia and are very involved in her care. Of course, I think about aging and the scary possibilities, and I hope I won't get dementia. On the other hand, I will not let dread and fear rule over my life. DH and I have recently retired and have organized our finances and plans as responsibly as possible. We hope to simplify our life over the next few years to make life easier, maintain independence as long as possible, and to make the changes of aging as manageable for us and our families as we can. For now we're in reasonably good shape, and I intend to continue with my life and activities with zest and enjoyment. Put one foot in front of the other and just keep going, and put in frequent skips and dance steps along the way. Life is worth enjoying and celebrating.

I'll also say that my Mom's illness and decline brought humor, love, and family closeness in a totally unique and wonderful way. There were many sad, even tragic aspects to our situation, but we also gave thanks for the way our needs were met and help provided just when we needed it. We learned a lot about family and love, and I give thanks for the positive parts of the hard experience. And I still miss my Mom.