82 yr old mother and dementia/very violent... - Page 5

MartieHugs · ‎03-12-2010

I am so, so sorry you, and she, have to deal with it. There are no good answers, however wismiss has given you some great advice. Call your local Alzheimer's Association first thing tomorrow morning. The have access to resources and assistance that will help you all.

They will also be able to connect you with help for yourself with dealing with the "old feelings" and "memories" that are bubbling to the surface. What ever the outcome, you must not feel guilty or "less than" about yourself.

First-hand support ... on all accounts!

Be good to yourself.

Martie

goodstuff · ‎03-09-2010

I am sorry. Your violent mother should not be staying in your home. Call an eldercare attorney today. You should be able to get a referral to one from your local Bar Association, from your county's senior services center, or sometimes eldercare attorneys advertise through assisted living places, etc. The attorney will be able to give you options for getting your mother out of your home and placed somewhere where she will have appropriate care. It is likely that your mother may need to be judged incompetent if she isn't cooperative. The attorney will direct you. Let him know how urgent it is that you and your mother get help.

In the meantime, do not hesitate to call the police/EMS again if your mother become violent. Let them take her to the ER and then refuse to take her home. The social workers at the hospital will get her placed.

ceegee2 · ‎03-11-2010

On 12/21/2014 gabstoomuch said:
ceegee2 great advice! Short and to the point. I hope she sees your post!

Sounds like that is quick help!

I am a mental health social worker so I have assisted in these type of situations many times. I really feel for the families involved. From OP's description, her mother has been ill for some time and now with potential dementia compounding things it is a very dangerous situation. I neglected to add that if her behavior begins to escalate, she should call 911 immediately! I wish her the best and she should absolutely not feel the least bit guilty for any actions she must take.

onlyshopsonline · ‎03-09-2010

Tahoe65, I am so sorry you are dealing with this situation, especially since this isn't a newly developed behavior for your mom. I haven't read all of the replies, but will give you some advice. You need to take care of yourself first. Otherwise your health will decline while you are trying to handle this situation.

My MIL developed Lewy Body Dementia and started to have hallucinations. At the time, she was living on her own in a low income senior apartment complex. We were advised, by doctors, that we needed to be careful as she could become violent. Also, because she had no funds of her own, due to a daughter that cleaned out her bank funds years before, she had no money to use for placement in an assisted living/dementia facility. We had to rely strictly on Medicaid. And, her doctor advised us that the easiest way to get her placed, through Medicaid, was to do so through a hospital admission and evaluation. She had a lot of health issues, so it wouldn't be long before something happened.

So, we checked in on her daily, and waited until she had an episode of breathing difficulty, and then we called an ambulance. She was admitted into the hospital and it was, at that time, that we were able to ask the doctors to do a medical evaluation of her. That was done, and they determined that she could no longer live on her own, and needed assistance, because she could be a danger to herself and those around her.

Because this was all established, Medicaid then kicked in immediately and we were able to have her placed. Some of the rules may have changed, since then. But, this was the simplest way to handle things. We didn't need to get her doctor to admit her....he said that many times they send patients right home when they are only admitted for an evaluation. We didn't have to have her declared incompetent. Everything was handled by the doctor's that evaluated her condition while she was in the hospital.

It's a heartbreaking situation. My thoughts are with you.

"I've been here since October 2006. Wow!"

lovesrecess · ‎03-14-2010

if OP's mother is taking any medication it should be evaluated to see if it could be a cause of any of the aggression.....the elderly can be very sensitive to meds or dosages they are given or even take without anyone else's knowledge.. all the advice given has been excellent...but make sure if she is taking anything at all it is appropriate. she should not be responsible for making decisions regarding her care as she is clearly no longer competent to do so.

olewoman · ‎03-10-2010

sorry

AuntG · ‎03-09-2010

Thankfully her sister had her evaluated so the dementia diagnosis should be on her medical files. Now it should just be a matter of getting her placed in a facility that can care for her. It's when the medical community says someone is of sound mind, and they clearly are not, that it is difficult for the family members to have any "say" in what happens.

HappyDaze · ‎06-13-2012

I am sorry to hear this. We are going through some similar issues with my Grandma who is only a few years older and also recently diagnosed with dementia. She has been terrorizing the neighborhood and my Aunts and Uncles. It is a terrible situation to be in and I only hope we both can figure out how to get them the best help possible. Good luck to you and my prayers are with you and your family.

Bestdressed · ‎04-18-2010

Good luck to you Tahoe65. You received some good advice. If you can get her hospitalized with any medical issue. Then maybe the social worker can help with a transfer to Medicaid facility for your mom. She should not be at your home...too dangerous for the both of you. Please post back, it helps to talk about it. My prayers are with you during this stressful situation.

Kalli · ‎03-11-2010

My mil is suffering from dementia. DH hired a person to stay with her for several hours every day, including weekends. Mil refuses to take a bath and can become vicious in her remarks toward anyone who tries to get her to bathe. She'll eventually have to be put into some type of situation where she has 24/7 care. We'll have to sell her house to pay for this but once her savings and the house money runs out, if she's still alive, I guess the state will have to take over. Sadly, you are not alone in going through this.

I hope you can seek help and get support from various services already mentioned here. My own parents have started their journey into dementia. Sad that these are the years they gained by eating right and exercising and now their brain function is declining. Doesn't seem very fair but it is what it is.

Good luck and I hope you get the support you need.

-Kalli