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Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,326
Registered: ‎10-21-2011

Re: 82 yr old mother and dementia/very violent...

On 12/21/2014 sydsgma said: I am so sorry you are going through this. I was a licensed psychologist and winter in Phoenix. The mental health care in az is abysmal compared to my home state. You received some very good advice from meowing kitty. My only other suggestion is to be very assertive and get emts to take her to the er. You can say you are in fear of her violence causing you bodily harm and perhaps death. I do not need to know wher you live but try to get her into a bigger hospital like st. Joseph's or one of the larger Banners. Be strong and if they will not admit her be very adamant that she cannot come home. You can request a 72 hour hold because she is a danger to you and yourself. I have a daughter with my issues and have had to be very obnoxious at times to get help. ((((Hugs)))))

"very adamant that she cannot come home" This is good advice. PLEASE find an elder law attorney and it may well be that being the conservator is NOT in your best interest (the state may be better suited.) CONSULT with that attorney as soon as you can because you should not be in this position. This is a job for mental health professionals, and that is an area that is sadly neglected by our society.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,326
Registered: ‎10-21-2011

Re: 82 yr old mother and dementia/very violent...

On 12/21/2014 KarenQVC said:

OP--You should not have to spend $ to get help and a proper placement for your mother. You have no legal responsibility to house or provide for your mother. She needs to be sedated and cared for in a Medicare/Medicaid nursing home for the rest of her life.

The next time she is violent or threatens violence, call the police and INSIST on filing charges against her. INSIST the police remove her from your home. Then THEY will decide jail or hospital. When jail/hospital calls you, say you will do nothing more for your mother. She will be appointed a ward of the court and be given a professional guardian. THEN after society has done what it should have years ago, you could CHOOSE to visit her in the nursing home, but I advise you to wait a couple months for the system to work as it should.

You are in danger. Don't be in denial, too.

This is also good advice: you have to thrust this problem on "the system" because that is where it belongs.

Valued Contributor
Posts: 662
Registered: ‎05-02-2011

Re: 82 yr old mother and dementia/very violent...

See an Attorney to petition the court for guardianship. You can have the state be the guardian. The court appointed guardian can legally place the person in a facility to benefit her needs. If she leaves, the police can legally take her back to the facility.

You have to be safe yourself.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,664
Registered: ‎05-13-2010

Re: 82 yr old mother and dementia/very violent...

The hospital where she will end up can file for guardianship necessity. In AZ anyone can file to have a person declared incompetent. The hospitals don't tell families they can do it because it shoves the work off on the family. Again, your family is tapped out. It is time for your taxes to go to work.

If your mother has a key to your place, have the locks changed and call the police if she shows up again.

All we have advised, to be demanding that the proper authorities do their job, is also in the best interests of your mother.

Super Contributor
Posts: 639
Registered: ‎01-04-2013

Re: 82 yr old mother and dementia/very violent...

On 12/21/2014 sydsgma said: I am so sorry you are going through this. I was a licensed psychologist and winter in Phoenix. The mental health care in az is abysmal compared to my home state. You received some very good advice from meowing kitty. My only other suggestion is to be very assertive and get emts to take her to the er. You can say you are in fear of her violence causing you bodily harm and perhaps death. I do not need to know wher you live but try to get her into a bigger hospital like st. Joseph's or one of the larger Banners. Be strong and if they will not admit her be very adamant that she cannot come home. You can request a 72 hour hold because she is a danger to you and yourself. I have a daughter with my issues and have had to be very obnoxious at times to get help. ((((Hugs)))))
I am a licensed psychotherapist and, athough I do not practice in AZ, I support these suggestions from sydsgma. It is so very draining in many ways and until any of us go through similar experiences, we can never know how traumatic it can be. To the OP: continue to be adamant, consistent, and detailed with any professional you are in contact with in order for them to understand the traumatic situation you are in. Your mother needs many services and the kind of care to keep her and others safe. Also, I am so sorry for the loss of your dog-- I hope you are able to grieve soon and find some much needed peace. Please keep us updated as you are able.
Honored Contributor
Posts: 38,159
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: 82 yr old mother and dementia/very violent...

Since you aren't receiving any help, go to the police and charge her with assault and battery, and maybe through the Court system she will be placed in a medical facility for the mentally incompetent, and be declared indigent. You are under no obligation to have her in your home, and certainly should not be tolerating her abuse.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,886
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: 82 yr old mother and dementia/very violent...

I am so sorry you are going through this. I think I would have to call the police and let them handle it. Just because she is your mother doesn't mean you have to put up with something that could be so dangerous.

And a big hug to you over the loss of your doggie. I'm so sorry about that, too. That's huge, too!

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,396
Registered: ‎03-16-2010

Re: 82 yr old mother and dementia/very violent...

I have no experience with this at all. My mother had Alzheimer's, but was not violent.

You have received some wonderful advice here, pick and choose what you think will help you the most.

The one piece of advice I personally would be wary of, and I might be wrong, is trying to get Conservatorship. I would be afraid that would still put the pressure on me to be in charge of decision making regarding her.

I think you need 100% OUT of the problem, and let the different systems take her, and take CARE of her.

She is an adult, you are an adult. Take the "mom" part out of it. She is very mentally ill, and there may be other physical issues going on that are just intensifying her aggressive and abusive behavior. You don't deserve this, nor should you have to be responsible for any money, or paying of bills, or place to live.

Sounds cold and harsh, but if not for you, where would her cab have deposited her if you were not available?

You have to become "not available" real fast. Very sad situation. Elder care in this country is so bad, but there are some really good leads here for a starting point.

I am sorry about your dog too {#emotions_dlg.sad}

Frequent Contributor
Posts: 79
Registered: ‎03-11-2010

Re: 82 yr old mother and dementia/very violent...

Please call your county's mental health and recovery board for help ASAP. Ask them if they have a mobile crisis unit that can come to your home to evaluate your mother and also to get her triaged for case management. This will be a medicaid billable service. You should not have to pay a thing. They can have have her probated to her mental health providers treatment team and she will be hospitalized based upon what you have told us about her. She will then be placed on community probate where she can be placed in the least restrictive environment, either a psychiatric facility, a nursing home or a family care home where they will manage her medications and monitor her behaviors. This is why mental illness is often called a family disease because it profoundly impacts the family members who try to manage these very difficult symptoms. I will pray for you and hope you find the peace and safety you deserve.

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,396
Registered: ‎03-16-2010

Re: 82 yr old mother and dementia/very violent...

ceegee2 great advice! Short and to the point. I hope she sees your post!

Sounds like that is quick help!