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Super Contributor
Posts: 1,219
Registered: ‎12-28-2012

Re: 82 yr old mother and dementia/very violent...

On 12/21/2014 Tahoe65 said:

Several times I have requested that the Police do an involuntary hold for mental evaluation on her, but they always say it is a domestic case and will not assist. My Physician advised not to be with her alone, and if /when she acts up, tell the Police to do the involuntary mental hold.

She was recently evicted from her apartment, at which time she was in a volitile behavior, and that is when Adult P Services got involved and helped send her to her sisters house out of state. I thought I was rid of this nightmare until she showed up in a cab, no prior warning, to my house last week. And now the nightmare continues.....

She refuses to see a Doctor or take meds.

Police/ambulance were called last month before she left out of state, all they would do is bandage her arm that "she" cut and smeared blood all over the walls and furniture.

The local Police are very well aware of her and her behavior and usually tell her to calm down and be nice.

I have called the Agency on Aging, last year.. If I remember, they told me of several homeless shelters I could contact. I can't place her in a homeless shelter, in fear that she will harm others.

Go before a Judge maybe, and plead my concerns? I do remember some agency telling me I need to get POA over her, but I know she wont agree to that.

To top it off, my little doggie of 14 yrs died a few days ago, at home due to old age.. I can't even grieve without her making snide remarks Smiley Sad it hurts....

Depending on your state, she won't have a choice. It's called a conservatorship. Call an attorney ASAP.

If you can't afford an attorney, your local courthouse should have legal services available or can direct you in the right direction. This is important. Once you obtain a conservatorship, the other agency's will be more willing to do something because you will legally be making choices for her.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 13,839
Registered: ‎03-13-2010

Re: 82 yr old mother and dementia/very violent...

On 12/21/2014 kathoderay said:
On 12/21/2014 Tahoe65 said:

Several times I have requested that the Police do an involuntary hold for mental evaluation on her, but they always say it is a domestic case and will not assist. My Physician advised not to be with her alone, and if /when she acts up, tell the Police to do the involuntary mental hold.

She was recently evicted from her apartment, at which time she was in a volitile behavior, and that is when Adult P Services got involved and helped send her to her sisters house out of state. I thought I was rid of this nightmare until she showed up in a cab, no prior warning, to my house last week. And now the nightmare continues.....

She refuses to see a Doctor or take meds.

Police/ambulance were called last month before she left out of state, all they would do is bandage her arm that "she" cut and smeared blood all over the walls and furniture.

The local Police are very well aware of her and her behavior and usually tell her to calm down and be nice.

I have called the Agency on Aging, last year.. If I remember, they told me of several homeless shelters I could contact. I can't place her in a homeless shelter, in fear that she will harm others.

Go before a Judge maybe, and plead my concerns? I do remember some agency telling me I need to get POA over her, but I know she wont agree to that.

To top it off, my little doggie of 14 yrs died a few days ago, at home due to old age.. I can't even grieve without her making snide remarks Smiley Sad it hurts....

Depending on your state, she won't have a choice. It's called a conservatorship. Call an attorney ASAP.

If you can't afford an attorney, your local courthouse should have legal services available or can direct you in the right direction. This is important. Once you obtain a conservatorship, the other agency's will be more willing to do something because you will legally be making choices for her.

Google Arizona Senior Citizens Law Project. Don't know if this is what you are looking for, but perhaps they can point you in the right direction.

♥Surface of the Sun♥
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,018
Registered: ‎09-23-2012

Re: 82 yr old mother and dementia/very violent...

On 12/21/2014 Spunkyspouts said:

Omg, HOW AWFUL. Get her out, call the cops, or better yet, go into the police station yourself and make a report and sit down and tell them what is going on. Just be patient and have aplan and by the way, if she is 82 she can't be that strong. She must have a mental hold over you, surely she can not over power you, please toughen up mentally and stop fearing her, she is playing you like a fiddle. if she spits on you, spit right back. Set up a web cam to get some of her actions recorded too. Document and it should be easy, the state is usually more than willling to take elders in to get thier medicare money.

You called a poster "stupid" in the thread where her toe hurts, but I think this comment qualifies more in the "stupid" category as you put it.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 17,236
Registered: ‎10-04-2010

Re: 82 yr old mother and dementia/very violent...

Bigsister gave good advice it sounds like to me. Even nursing homes will not keep people that are too hard to handle and she may fit that description. I'd take her suggestions.

There's others on here too with good advice. Good luck, it has to be hard.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,326
Registered: ‎10-21-2011

Re: 82 yr old mother and dementia/very violent...

You need a Family Law Attorney to have her deemed incompetent by the state court system and then petition to have her made a ward of the state. There are state facilities for the violently insane. Not only are you risking your family when she's out running around, but you are potentially risking the public. GET SOME PROFESSIONAL ADVICE (ie social worker or attorney, not a forum)

You can call a state social worker and explain the situation (violent, dementia) and ask what state services are available to help you as your family is AT RISK. The point is to stress the risk to family AND public. And send any communication follow up registered and copy the family law attorney so they are ON NOTICE that something has been attempted to be done about a violent person who is out of control. Then they know, if something goes down, they are held responsible because they knew.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,326
Registered: ‎10-21-2011

Re: 82 yr old mother and dementia/very violent...

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Valued Contributor
Posts: 772
Registered: ‎03-11-2010

Re: 82 yr old mother and dementia/very violent...

call an ambulance and have her admitted to a hospital for a mental evaluation and tell them she is violent , If they release her then tell social services when you take her there she cannot come back to your home because she is violent and needs medication and psychiatric care. Tell them the whole story and have her placed in a nursing home or mental hospital where she can live,

cathy from ma

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,614
Registered: ‎03-12-2010

Re: 82 yr old mother and dementia/very violent...

On 12/21/2014 Tahoe65 said:

I forgot to add, she refuses to bathe, I am sure it has been weeks.. daily peeing in her pants, and continues to wear the pee'd on clothing. If I ask her to put clean clothes on, that becomes a problem and more combatitive behavior. She also refuses to brush her hair or teeth. I just don't understand why I am having such a problem getting help in my area (Phoenix AZ).

I do appreciate your suggestions, and will be making phone calls on Monday...

Thank you!

I am so sorry this is happening to you.

She sounds like she has more than dementia...a complete diagnosis and evaluation needs to be given before Social Services can help you. She obviously is a threat to your well being and needs to be taken to the nearest ER for evaluation. Then a social worker needs to become involved and you need to have her evaluated to be discharged to either a mental health facility or an assisted living facility. She obviously needs to be medicated and sedated. You are not responsible for her care and you have to prove that she is indigent. You will probably need to sign papers expressing that fact.

Under no circumstances express that you are willing to keep her in your home. Once you sign the proper legal documents, she will become a ward of the state. If the hospital thinks you will take her back into your home, they will not look for alternative living arrangements.

Good luck.

Valued Contributor
Posts: 946
Registered: ‎01-21-2012

Re: 82 yr old mother and dementia/very violent...

Oh SoftRain - I'm praying for YOU. RIght NOW. You have gotten some great suggestions, I'm not an expert so I don't have anything to add but prayer.

Please stay stong, please ask for help, please continue to call and please leave the house when you need to take a break.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,570
Registered: ‎09-13-2012

Re: 82 yr old mother and dementia/very violent...

Is there a local senior center you could contact for help or referrals to organizations that could help? What about getting a doctor to make a house call. I knew one doctor in recent years who made house calls at an assisted living facility, though I know it's not the same thing. What about contacting the office of a local expert in dementia and enlisting that doctor's help? I assume this would be a psychiatrist, but I'm not sure. The senior center might have info about this. What about the national Alzheimer's association? The more people you contact for help, the more likely you are to find it.

Good luck!