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@dooBdoo wrote:
Many of us have discussed what it's like to deal with anxiety and depression... I wanted to share this list I read a few days ago. (Sorry for the length, but I know some people prefer not to go to links.)
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36 Things People With Anxiety Want Their Friends to Know
"Unanswered text messages. Declined invites. Missed calls. When you live with anxiety, sometimes little aspects of friendship can be hard. But that doesn’t mean people with anxiety can’t maintain friendships. And it doesn’t mean people with anxiety don’t care about their friends.
We asked our Mighty readers who live with anxiety what they want their friends to know.
Here’s what they had to say:
1. “It may seem irrational to you, but what I’m anxious about is very real for me.” — P.J.
2. “I never know when it’s going to hit me. And when it does, I just need you to support me.” — D.H.
3. “I’m not just blowing you off. It’s hard to make plans and just as hard to talk on the phone sometimes. It doesn’t mean I don’t desperately want to spend time and talk. I just can’t.” — M.A.B.
4. “Don’t give up on me when I isolate myself.” — J.J.
5. “Just having someone you love and trust reminding you to breathe sometimes really helps.” — T.L.S.
6. “Be patient with me; it doesn’t always look like a full-blown panic attack. It sometimes comes out in the form of anger or what looks like major frustration.” — T.R.
7. “Even when things are wonderful, I’m always waiting for something horrible to happen.” — L.B.
8. “When I’m being quiet, I’m not sad, bored, tired or whatever else they want to fill in the blank with. There’s just so much going on in my mind, sometimes I can’t keep up with what’s going on around me.” — A.J.B.
9. “I can’t just turn it off.” — K.K.
10. “Sometimes when I’m feeling the anxiety, I have no idea why I’m anxious.” — L.H.
11. “Everything can change in less than 30 seconds. Too many people in one area, no known exits in a certain situation — the list goes on.” — A.Y.
12. “For real — it’s not you, it’s me. Generalized anxiety feels like drowning all the time. Most times life in general intensifies that feeling. If I have a hard time making plans, don’t take it personally.” — C.L.T.
13. “When you ask, ‘Are you OK?’ you might think I don’t trust you when I say, “Yes, I’m good!” But in my mind, I think you’ll stop seeing me as a kind, funny and calm person if you knew the truth.” — A.G.
14. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for every invite I’ve declined, every time I’ve seemed irrational or nasty because I was overwhelmed or scared. I’m sorry for every time I’ve said I’d do something but then backed out. I’m sorry my anxiety hurts you, too.” — M.K.
15. “Anxiety doesn’t have a ‘look.’ I don’t have to be trembling or hyperventilating to be anxious.” — V.B.
16. “I need you to reach out to me, even when I’m so anxious I’ve stopped leaving the house. I need to know someone still cares and wants to see me.” — H.L.
17. “Don’t shut me out. My anxiety may stop me from doing certain things, but just being asked to join in can sometimes make my day.” — V.R.D.
18. “I analyze things constantly because of anxiety. I cannot turn my brain off and it can be exhausting.” — C.H.
19. “Anxiety is not an attitude.” — C.G.
20. “It’s not your job to fix me. Please just love me the way I am.” — C.D.O.
21. “I want to first apologize for the hundreds of times I’ve bailed on you. The hundreds of times I had to leave early and you had no clue. The hundreds of times I had to tell you no.” — M.K.D.
22. “Most of the time you won’t know I’m having anxiety unless I tell you,” — K.W.
23. “If I’m not comfortable doing something, just let it go. Don’t try to convince me — it makes it worse.” — J.D.
24. “I’m not a flake. Sometimes anxiety stops me from doing social things. I might cancel at the last minute, but it’s never out of unfriendliness or being lazy. Know that if you need me, I’ll be there for you in any way I can.” — B.H.
25. “I don’t know what’s happening in my head a lot of the time either. I understand you don’t get it, but your efforts mean the world to me.” — A.R.
26. “Please don’t tell me to just get over it or that I’m being silly.” — C.E.
27. “When I cancel plans with you it’s because I’m afraid to admit I’m a heaping mess. It has nothing to do with you… and everything to do with my panic attack.” — D.C.
28. “Keep inviting me to group things even though I usually decline. Some days I feel stronger than others, so my answer might surprise you. Be patient.” — K.E.
29. “Don’t take it personally when I don’t want to go out. My comfort zone is my home. It’s my safe place.” — E.V.
30. “When I say I can’t take on even one more thing, I really need you to understand I really just can’t.” — C.H.
31. “When I can’t do something, no one is more disappointed than me. Please try to understand that.” — L.H.
32. “Sometimes I just need to be alone. It’s not personal. I’m not mad. I don’t have some problem. I don’t just need to shake it off and do something fun. I just need to be alone so I can reset myself and breathe a little.” — S.W.
33. “Every time I talk to you, I go over every word of the conversation many times in my head. If I said something I feel I like I shouldn’t have said, even if it’s as simple as incorrect grammar, I will obsess about it for years.” — C.N.G.
34. “I’m still me. I’m not my anxiety.” — A.W.
35. “I know it can seem ridiculous at time, but please, please, please just love me through it.” — M.R.W.
36. “Give me some space, but don’t forget me.” — V.B.
(*Some responses have been edited and shortened for brevity)
Want to learn more about managing anxiety? Visit "Half of Us" (at http://www.halfofus.com/feeling/anxious/)
We face disabilities and diseases together. Join us on The Mighty."
source: "The Mighty" at http://themighty.com/2015/11/36-things-people-with-anxiety-want-their-friends-to-know/ and http://themighty.com/how-we-can-help/)
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I hope this is helpful, and send my good wishes to all of you for a peaceful, sweet, and joyful holiday season and new year.
DooBdoo, I could have said all of those things at one time or another in my life. Some loved ones and friends understand and stick by you . . . others don't. Anxiety/depression is usually experienced by sensitive individuals . . . oh how many times I have wished I could be "laid back" and accepting of all that goes on in my life and the lives of those I love. What a blessing that would be.
These words and thoughts are well understood by those of us who experience life deeply and seriously, sometimes to our detriment, but unavoidable and often uncontrollable. Those who mock and crow about having total control over their feelings often exhibit their own anxieties by lashing out and criticizing others. That makes them feel superior.
Thank you for a post that reminded me I am not alone, we are not alone in our struggles.
[And I don't see where including initials gives anyone's anonymity away . . . certainly you, of all people, have always exhibited concern about the privacy of others.]
I wish a peaceful New Year to you and all other posters on this forum.
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