Q Talk

[Patz822]

Thanks for the ideas and opinions. Much appreciated.

[San Antonio Gal]

Can't go wrong with a beautiful picture frame!  Wrap it up beautifully...it's all in the presetation and the frame won't cost you an arm and a leg.

[gidgetgh]

I always give the unpopular answer to these type questions. 

I would never show up with wine, unless I knew for a fact that they drink wine. 

I don't drink wine as it makes me wheeze so the gift would be lost on me if someone gave me a bottle of wine. So I never assume that a gift recipient drinks. 

Now, if you know the couple does, have at it. 

[Gsmom]

A bottle of  Champagne  or persecco 

[AussieLuvr]

@Imaoldhippie

I'm with you! I had never heard of an engagement party before my stepdaughter got married a few years ago.

Personally, since she was being given three wedding showers by different family members in different parts of a large state, I thought it was a little mercenary.

Anyway, after we were told about the party I looked it up online since I'd never heard of it. I did my "due diligence" in researching what the proper protocol was. If I remember correctly, you don't give a gift to the groom - only to the bride to be. And you don't have a gift exchange during the get together itself; gifts are opened afterward.

So I bought her a gift certificate for a spa day, including massage, facial, eyebrow threading, mani and pedi. I thought she could use it right before her wedding day since she'd likely get those things done anyway.

We arrived at the engagement party and the groom to be was there. Everyone attending had each bought them a "together" gift, and there was a big gift exchange - just like a wedding shower. I was mortified that I had done/assumed the exact opposite of everyone else with my gift choice.

I quickly made a discreet call and changed the gift certificate to include both of them, although he would only be getting a massage and a manicure and pedicure treatment without any nail polish.

I guess I'm an old fogey because engagement parties were a new one on me. I can totally see a family get together to celebrate an engagement, but I thought gifts were over the top. Between paying for the wedding, a wedding present, giving them money to close on their first house and all of the expenses associated with being at the wedding I was getting a little tired of shelling out money. I know that probably sounds horrible, but this stepdaughter was 15 when her dad got divorced and decided she hated me before she even met me or knew anything about me. I know she was at an awkward age for such things but I worked hard at being a good stepmom. We have always had a cool relationship; civil, but cool. It just so happens that my family has some money, and she knows that. So in spite of never having 2 seconds for me for ten years, guess who she called when it came time to ask for us to pay for the wedding and their home closing costs? Yep; me.

All things considered, I thought engagement party gifts were a bit too much. (I think I just did more venting than responding to the engagement party thing, lol.)

[SXMGirl]

I am confused.  Is an engagement gathering and an engagement party the same thing?

[Imaoldhippie]

@AussieLuvr.............wow I think all of that is a bit over the top and just plain greedy.  I hope you did not give them money for their house.  If you did you are a better person than me.  Its ok that you vented, sometimes we just have to blow off steam or we will be dragged down my the heavy load.  I hope all is ok now.

[tototwo]

"Greedy" is a good word for it.  Thank you, @Imaoldhippie.

Life in the "selfie" generation.

[qbetzforreal]

Yes, there is such a thing as an engagement party.  It's not new.

History

Originally, engagement parties had the appearance of normal parties at which the father of the bride-to-be made a surprise announcement of the engagement to his guests. The engagement party had the purpose of sharing the engagement news with family members and friends. Therefore, it was not a traditional gift-giving occasion, as none of the guests were supposed to be aware of the engagement until after their arrival.

In ancient Greece, an engagement party was a commercial transaction. It was essentially an oral contract, made between the man who gave the woman in marriage (usually her father) and the groom.[1] The bride was not present.[1]

A Jewish engagement party is known as a vort (Yiddish: word‎). Breaking a ceramic plate at a vort is customary, symbolizing the permanence of marriage and mirroring the breaking of a glass at a Jewish wedding.[2]

In the Scottish Gaelic tradition, a rèiteach was a betrothal ritual which typically ended in a dance party for the whole community.

Modern times

In modern times, an engagement party may celebrate a previously publicized engagement. It is a party like any other, except that usually toasts or speeches are made to announce the upcoming wedding.

While it varies, an engagement party takes place at the beginning of the process of planning a wedding. It is often thrown at the couple's home or at the home of a close friend or relative of the couple. Gifts are never obligatory, and if one is brought, it should be small and less expensive than a typical wedding gift.[3]

[Shanus]

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@Patz822 wrote:

Going to an informal engagement gathering next week at the home of

the bride to be’s mother. Not sure what is appropriate as far as a gift.

A card & flowers, a bottle of wine, just a card?? Suggestions. Thanks.

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@Patz822  When invited to an engagement gathering, I usually send a card if not attending, flowers or wine if I do go. My gift will be saved for the wedding.

Sad to say, but many couples never make it to the alter....gifts are wasted then wasted money.