Q Talk

[RileyCat]

My mother is retired and does not like to leave the house.  She spends all of her time shopping on QVC... shopping with money she does not have.  She is on a small fixed income.  She maxed out her QVC card, and then took out a personal loan to pay it off, and is now running it up again while still paying on the loan.  My sister and I have had to pay her house taxes more times than I can count.  We don't know how to stop her.  She is buying useless stuff she does not need and gives most of it away when she realizes that it's not a great as the presentation.  She has a problem, but I also feel that to some extent, the QVC business model preys on these lonely people that start to see the hosts as their friends.  Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can correct this situation without declaring my mother legally incompetent to handle her own finances?  Would QVC work with me to monitor her account, or has anyone else dealt with a similar situation and can offer some advice?

[Imaoldhippie]

Sorry for your problem with your mom.  Why dont you contact QVC customer services and get her account canceled and ask them to be aware of her name and address and not issue anymore CC in her name?

In fact if you go to the customer care forum on the list and ask for a moderator one of them could point you in the right direction.  They are very helpful and friendly on here.

[staciesmom]

Can you get her to sign over Power of Attorney? If you had that, you could cancel her charge cards.

[Kachina624]

@RileyCat.   I'm afraid there are many people who have the problem your mom has, for the same reason.  Have you suggested other activities like a senior center which might have fun things to do to keep her busy?

We have wonderful monitors here on the boards that help with all sorts of prickly problems.  Why don't you message them privately and ask what the Q's policy is in such cases?

QVCSocialTeam@QVC.com

[kittyloo]

talking to someone in customer service is a good idea.  i'm not so sure that you can just cancel someone elses account.  this type of spending with the elderly seems to happen fairly regularly. i'm sure they have delt with it before. can't hurt to inquire. good luck.

[aroc3435]

@RileyCat  That is a difficult situation.  I presume you don't have durable power of attorney with her, do you.  

Is there any way you could gently sit down with her and explain that as happy as you and sis are to help her you can't bail her out with this kind of TV shopping.

It is so hard when the parent and child relationship flips.

I don't think the Q can help as it might be able to if you were her spouse.  The Q card is through Synchrony Bank and the interest is high I think.

None of these are very good suggestions.  I think you just have to sit down and quietly, gently discuss--not dictate about--this issue with her.

I'm praying for you.  Know this is a problem loaded with hidden emotional minefields. 

[equss]

I’d suggest sitting down with your mom and financial advisor or  banker or estate planning attorney. Perhaps a good discussion will lead to her agreeing to giving you temporary or permanent power of attorney. If she isn’t cognitively impaired she likely knows she has a problem. If she does have memory issues her dr may help.  If you get poa you could greatly lower her  limit so u don’t have to take it totally away.  It took a team for my mom to realize she needed help with finances.  Good luck... I know it’s hard for a parent to give a child control  that’s why it is helpful  to use recruits so they hear it from experts outside family. I can’t imagine qvc or any other company will help without poa paperwork. Plus it may get worse if she gets scammed in the future!

[Still Raining]

One of my great-aunts had this issue towards the end.  We found that she was filling the bathtub in the guest bathroom with unopened mail.

My father had power to cut off her money and the bank could only issue a small amount of cash each month.  Not sure how he did it, but all credit was frozen.

Sorry you are facing this with your mother.

[software]

She doesn't have to be declared legally incompetent for you to take over her finances.

Get her to sign a financial POA, take her bankbook & lock out any ability to go into debt.

I assume her home is paid in full, which is why you are paying the taxes.

Unless you are a co owner on the house or the beneficiary in the case of her passing, quit paying the taxes, unless you have POA.

I watched my mom bankrupt the family but not with QVC, she was going to the casino, even behind my dad's back.   Addiction is a terrible thing, you can't fix it.   I use to help my parents financially until I found out about her casino trips.      They were both broke and in bankruptcy when they passed away - their money, their life.   They had food & a roof over their heads, but nothing else, except for deep debt.

Your mom needs professional help and she needs to feel the consequences of her actions.

[Suzeecat]

Do you think she can grasp the concept of having a budget?  Many elderly women have always depended on their husbands to pay the bills and once they are on their own, they flounder.  Maybe you could sit her down and run a list of all her monthly expenditures, and compare it to her monthly income and just give her some very basic financial planning education, including showing her how much you have subsidized her spending. 

All that said, it sounds like she may be addicted to the purchasing "high" and may need a little stronger intervention, such as blocking the channel for a while.  She needs to break that cycle.  Add in some other activities to replace it.  If she doesn't want to leave the house, try puzzles, books on tape, etc.

It may sound extreme, but maybe take her for a visit to one of those nursing homes where people who have no savings go, give her a wake-up call that this could be where she's headed.