I think a lot depends on the personalities of both cats. And you’re dealing with a very large age gap. I’m going through the same thing right now, although my two cats are a little closer in age to each other.
I have a now eight year old male cat that I’ve had since a kitten who doesn’t care for any other animals, especially other cats. A few months ago, a six week old male kitten showed up. He was a mess, but he was a doll so I ended up keeping him. Like you, I had no intention of getting another cat, so I wasn’t exactly prepared. Because he was full of internal and external parasites, he was kept separated from both my cat and dog for several weeks. Both the other animals got used to his scent without having to interact directly. I exposed him to both other animals very gradually. The kitten is very active, my older has never really been too interested in playing (he’s an indoor/outdoor cat).
When the kitten was ready to be brought into the house full-time, I kept the two cats separated in different areas with a door closed between them. I let each have the run of the house at different times so they got used to each other’s scent. However, I always kept one room off limits to the kitten that only the older cat had access to. They could smell each other and could see each other under the door only. At first, the older cat didn’t want anything to do with the kitten, while the kitten was dying to play with the older cat. Little by little (I mean weeks), the older cat started taking an interest in the kitten. But when they were face to face, the old man would hiss and slap, while the baby would be submissive but active.
This is getting long, so I’ll try to be more brief. It took a long time (months) of gradually introducing the two cats. I always gave preference to the older cat’s wishes. If he acted like he was being bothered by the kitten, the kitten went into another room. The older cat would not use the same litter box as the kitten, so he has his own in a room the kitten can’t get to. The older cat always had a place to get away from the kitten when he wanted.
I honestly thought they were never going to get along. But, just about a month ago, the older cat started to take more of an interest in play (not attack). Now they play a lot and there’s not much of a problem. I do have to still keep an eye on them when they get rowdy. Right now, they have access to each other whenever they want, except the older cat still has a bedroom to himself with a baby gate to escape to, which he uses most of the day to sleep. (I’m hoping by the time the kitten can jump the gate they will be acclimated to each other completely so it won’t be a problem.)
I will say that in addition to very slow introduction, my older cat only got more interested in the little one when the kitten got physically larger and started to calm down some. And, I had to allow the older cat to do his own discplining with the kitten. During that phase I had to really keep a close eye on them so that the kitten didn’t get hurt. But now, the little one knows when the old man is done playing and he quits, so everybody is happy.
Your cats may never get along, or they may come to some sort of amiable coexistence. And it may take a lot longer than you think it should. Don’t forget your older cat sees this newcomer as an invader of her territory and at her age is set in her ways and routines. It’s not impossible, but it probably will take a bit of work and patience on your part.
ETA: Geez, I’m sorry this is so long. TMI!
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