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Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,295
Registered: ‎03-27-2010

Re: Sorry to bring up Cooper again. Please help

The most loving action at this challenging time ...is to support and understand the depth of grief your husband is experiencing.  To minimize or suggest that his feelings are. abnormal would be insulting and demeaning.  Just be present for him and hold each other....no words can assuage the feelings of a beloved family member pet.  Only time will heal and lessen the grief, but even them our precious best friend will always be in our hearts.  Please let him know that many of us understand and have compassion for him during this difficult journey of such a major loss.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,322
Registered: ‎03-20-2010

Re: Sorry to bring up Cooper again. Please help

[ Edited ]

@Helen Bach   It's heartbreaking for both of you and extra heartbreaking to see your husband like this.  The cremation placed my vet used always included an obit form to fill out that included everything about your pet.  An obit card and bookmark came with the ashes.  My vet told me that the bond we have with our pets is often stronger than that with our loved ones since our pets are so loyal and loving and said no matter how hard it was to spend time recounting my soulmate dog's  life by doing this and to not shy away from reading it daily - including a good sobbing outpour.  In time I  grieved less and my SO and I remember him fondly all the time.  I do look at his obit daily before I workout and shed a few tears.  My SO also had a portrait made of him for me and that helped me a lot but still cry uncontrollably at times.  Maybe if both of you sit down and nake your own obit with likes, dislikes, nicknames, stories and any other things about this loss.  It has not been that long yet  and everyone grieves differently. 

Many think it's a problem having such grief over a dog but just search for the poem "Just a Dog".  It's too long to post here.
Hugs and prayers to both of you.

Valued Contributor
Posts: 644
Registered: ‎09-30-2012

Re: Sorry to bring up Cooper again. Please help

@Helen Bach I had such a hard time after losing my Casey.  I was able to do all the normal things like exercising, grocery shopping, etc. but when sitting home I would just cry.  My husband suggested I talk with my doctor and I did.  He gave me sertraline (zoloft) to ease my grief.  I took it for about a year, I know a long time  , but I was able to stop after and it did help.  I still cry as I am writing this and fought taking meds but now I know it was the right thing for me.  Be patient as it is a process.  Prayers to you both. 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 10,371
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Sorry to bring up Cooper again. Please help

If I recall correctly, it hasn't been that long since Cooper died. Animals are family, not just pets. Everyone deals with grief their own way. Sometimes it takes a while. Let him go through his grief. Be there when he needs you. If he's still like this in a couple of months, you might suggest a counselor.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 9,654
Registered: ‎06-10-2015

Re: Sorry to bring up Cooper again. Please help

@Helen Bach .............he has to go through the grief process to start to heal, let him do it his way and for however log it takes.  My heart aches for your husband and you.  You have the hard part of watching your husband hurting so badly knowing there is nothing you can do to help.  Time is the only healer. 

BE THE PERSON YOUR DOG THINKS YOU ARE! (unknown)
Regular Contributor
Posts: 249
Registered: ‎09-14-2010

Re: Sorry to bring up Cooper again. Please help

We lost our dog Christmas 2020.  Our vet advised us it was time so Christmas Eve morning we said goodbye.  Myself, husband and daughter went to our vet and then Sammy passed peacefully.  As you can imagine Christmas was just awful.  I woke up, went in the kitchen and found my husband sobbing (he's not generally like that).  I didn't go out for 2 weeks as I knew I would break down and with COVID it made it easier to lay low.


So,I totally understand how he is feeling, the grief was worse for me than my elderly mother passing.  I think it's because they are our babies that never grow up and depend on us for everything and ask for only love in return.  Photos helped us and talking about Sammy either in tears and in smiles was good medication.  It was also a shock for you both how he passed so quickly but a blessing for Cooper.  Having another dog helped us to just carry on, for your husband he has lost his best buddy.  Maybe a regular walk somewhere quiet to lift his spirits or you take him out for a drive.  Watch an uplifting film and even if he does get upset let him just cry.  I believe it will get easier but it will take time.  

You can rely on all of us here to support you both so reach out and we will be there for you both.  We totally understand.  Thinking of you both.x

Honored Contributor
Posts: 23,835
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Sorry to bring up Cooper again. Please help

@Helen Bach  Everyone grieves differently....I lost my two Goldens one after the other....it has been three years and I even adopted two dogs since losing the Goldens,  ...Yet, I still cry each day and tell them how much I miss them.....

 

I may never get over it completely...

 

I think eventually if you adopt a new pup, it will help the loss of Cooper a lot for your Husband....when he is ready....that time will come eventually. It can take months to YEARS before you are ready to give your heart again. 💔

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,561
Registered: ‎12-27-2010

Re: Sorry to bring up Cooper again. Please help

Give him time.

Valued Contributor
Posts: 923
Registered: ‎01-27-2020

Re: Sorry to bring up Cooper again. Please help

There is nothing abnormal about your husband's intense grief.   Cooper was his best pal, and it's only been just over a week.  

 

Unfortunately, from my own experiences,. I know that cooking your husband his favorite foods or even taking a short trip will not help right now.  For me, getting another dog or cat did help a little, since I love animals so much I simply couldn't be without a furry friend in the family.    I recommend waiting at least a few months, though, since getting another pet too soon is not always a good idea.   

 

Not all people have the same level of love and devotion to their pets, and it may take them a shorter amount of time to get over the loss.  Others, like your husband, have a much harder time with it.  

 

I know the feeling of sorrow that comes with the loss of a beloved pet.  It is as gut-wrenching as the loss of a human loved one for many.   

 

 

 

 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 19,486
Registered: ‎03-16-2010

Re: Sorry to bring up Cooper again. Please help

I agree with the others--it takes time.  I don't find anything unusual with what you describe given the short time Cooper has been gone.

 

And you may find now that he has cleared out the toys and car that without the constant reminder that Cooper is gone, your husband's intense grief will start to  subside.  

🐾💔