We have one like that.
I've been watching Cesar Millan. We are having a conversacion with the dog . . .
Poor buddy of ours was suffering allergic itching. I took him to the vet, just last week, knowing I had to and knowing I had to do everything in my power to facilitate success. I remembered the teaching: the dog is insecure and that is reinforced if we let our level of fear/insecurity be known. Calm. Breathe deep. Calm. Assert your place as the leader of the pack, as their first response is to keep the pack safe and together. If it is clear that won't be necessary (things are safe), they are more likely to be calm. I kept reaching out to him with a firm hand and a calm command, "calm".
Now, this dog has bitten me before, and has been through two other clinics. Been prescribed sedatives to take before coming in (No thank you).
It worked. Calm, buddy. Calm. No reinforcement for excited behavior. I did draw the line at the rectal thermometer but managed to maintain my role as leader, and he got his other vitals checked. I suddenly saw it, too - poor guy looked everywhere for a place to escape. He was scared. I didn't try to push him; I asked his permission for things, like lying on his back so we could examine the skin there, but I stayed calm and let him know everything was OK and that excitement was not necessary. I've found, they don't really want to act like that. He takes cues and reinforcement from me. It has been eye-opening, to think about simply setting the tone and allowing them to follow (but remaining as the leader). He's become much more relaxed.
It did help that the vet is about 6'6" and built like a linebacker. He's very nice, though he's got hands like baseball gloves, and at one point my dog did get a little agitated but he quickly realized he was no match for this guy. The vet assistant took her time, too, and that helped immensely. She wasn't fearful and worked well one-on-one with the dog, along with treats.
My dog is especially fearful if anyone tries to restrain him forcibly. Man, there's so much going on in these situations and frankly, all the humans present are at risk. That's the hard part - how do we stay calm, how do they know to trust - this last encounter I had at the vet was just the right magic. Me and the vet and the assistant just saw what needed to happen, and I resisted the urge to pander to my buddy. Calm. Excitement is not rewarded but we are the boss. In a kind way, in the way that knows what is best for our buddy.
It sounds like you are prudent and waiting appropriately. I don't know how long you've had Kingston but we've had ours just shy of three years, and he's 5. He was in a shelter about to be euthanized after 6 months, rescued by a friend who runs a rescue, and we needed a dog. She always adopts the tough ones to us! This is the fourth one we've taken in through her.
Thankfully I think we can establish a relationship with this clinic and this vet (he's not blackballed, no special warning notes on his chart!), and, thankfully there are episodes of The Dog Whisperer to be viewed on TV. I like Dog Impossible, too. Just good insight into the canine psyche.
Good luck to you, your husband, and Kingston. I know you've said he's a real sweetie! Ours will need a shot next year, and right now, forget about clipping nails! Slowly we move forward. As Cesar says, Stay calm and carry on.
Long and short of it: it's complicated, isn't it?
Cogito ergo sum
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