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Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,114
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

How to Give a Pet a Pill

Another post here about giving meds to a dog reminded me of this:

 

How To Give a Pill to a Cat

 

  1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on each side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

     

  2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat gently in left arm and repeat process.

     

  3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, pick up and throw soggy pill away.

     

  4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for count of ten.

     

  5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse in from garden.

     

  6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into cat's mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

     

  7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill out of foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep up shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set on one side for gluing later.

     

  8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with a pencil and blow into drinking straw.

     

  9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

     

  10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door just enough so that head is showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with plastic band.

     

  11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw t-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

     

  12. Call fire department to retrieve cat from tree across road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

     

  13. Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by a large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

     

  14. Get spouse to drive you to emergency room, drop off cat at vet clinic on the way. Sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearms and removes pill from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home and order new dining table.


 

How To Pill a Dog

 

  1. Wrap it in a piece of bacon and toss it. 

You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.
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Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,549
Registered: ‎09-24-2011

Re: How to Give a Pet a Pill

 

 

HA,HA,HA!  GOOD ONE, @IG !!!!!

 

Guess I/ve got it easier with EddyWoman LOL.

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Super Contributor
Posts: 429
Registered: ‎05-02-2017

Re: How to Give a Pet a Pill

 

 

HYSTERICAL!!

 

 I mix soft food around the pill for the cats and they ususally swallow it right down.

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Contributor
Posts: 72
Registered: ‎03-25-2018

Re: How to Give a Pet a Pill

Ha ha.  Haven't had a cat in eons and don't remember ever giving one a pill, but I bet that scenerio isn't far off.

 

Our dog takes any bite or treat easily by hand so we just shove the pill inside something. She hasn't needed medication in a couple of years but we used to make sweet potatos for her for the purpose.  In fact, we never stopped the sweet potato thing just in case we needed to put a pill in it again someday, LOL!  Now it's part of  her twice daily after meal treat.  Just 2 little bites.

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Honored Contributor
Posts: 17,287
Registered: ‎07-03-2013

Re: How to Give a Pet a Pill

There has to be a better way.  My kitty has moved on.  He was on pills his last three years.  It was awful.  I tried every method.  Some worked better than others, but they would ultimately fail.  Yes, we had many soggy pills and not happy cat days. 🙀

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Valued Contributor
Posts: 541
Registered: ‎06-27-2010

Re: How to Give a Pet a Pill

I am dying laughing! The last time we gave our cat a pill I wrapped her in a big bath towel & told my husband to hold on tight. I was kneeling on the floor & she got a paw out & hooked her claw in my little finger. It's like a fish hook. I'm bleeding all over the place and I can't get the claw out. I'm starting to panic & cry. My husband is trying to hold her still. I finally was able to push the pads on her foot & got the claw out! I thought we were going to have to call 911!! My poor Miss Kitty has since passed away. But I never tried to give her a pill again. We had those thing you stick the pill in & pop them down the throat & they never worked. I ground the pill up & & soaked it in a little water & tried using a rubber syringe. More got out than went in. Anyway you gave me a good laugh!!

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Contributor
Posts: 49
Registered: ‎02-12-2016

Re: How to Give a Pet a Pill

I love this and it always makes me laugh.  I have gone about many ways of giving pets medicine over the years, most taking it willingly.  Presently, I have a cat that the vet thinks has seasonal allergies but no matter what we try this cat will not take medicine.  I am about to get an appointment and try for new suggestions with the meds.  I can't get liquid in her or pills, she will eat the pill pocket and leave the oil on the floor, same with liverwurst.  So when the breathing and sneezing starts people look at me as if to say, when are you going to help her.  I can't help her when I can't get medicine in her and it does bother me, as she is my little girl cat who follows me everywhere with two much older brothers who are attached to my DH!

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Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,205
Registered: ‎08-10-2013

Re: How to Give a Pet a Pill

Oh my gosh, I laughed so hard each paragraph I read that I started coughing and crying and had to stop before I choked to death.  That was soooo funny.  I have cats and can relate to this so much.  Thank you so much for the good laugh.  I have been sick the whole month of Nov.  and have been coughing the past 2 weeks.  You made me so happy today.  

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Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,114
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: How to Give a Pet a Pill

@luvmybeetle 

 

Awww, bless your heart, I'm so sorry that you've been so sick!Heart

 

I'm glad that it made you smile and I truly hope you're on the mend!

 

I must admit that I got so tickled by this that I peed a little bit, LOL!

 

Did I really just say that out loud??? LOL!!

 

You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.