Pet Lovers

[Lisasmom]

The holidays are difficult for a lot of us and if there are negative things going on it just makes it worse.............

That being said, you are a strong person.  I know that from reading your posts in the past.  First, you took this little dog in and did your best.  Some things can't be made to work.  i would talk to the other people where he is hanging out and see if they want him full time.  It isn't your fault he is a roamer.  You can't force any animal to 'be' what you want them to be. But, you can try to find out where he would fit in better and probably save his life for a second time - thinking about your father, his guns and his obvious dislike for the dog

Your father - I totally get his power/prestige/whatever in a small town.  I get that people are afraid to go up against him. I get that money shuts people up and makes people look the other way.  

There is no answer for you in that situation but to try and relocate away from all of it because I doubt it gets any better.

If you don't own your home it would be easier.  If you do own it I would think seriously about getting it listed.  I seem to remember you working long hours within the prison or mental health system.  Can you transfer?

Again, living within a small town means a loss of privacy.  If it is not possible to talk to a counselor/therapist without worrying if your conversation will be passed along, is there anyone where you work in that capacity you could talk to just to air things out and talk about what would be best for your well-being?

You sound as though you are hanging on to your last nerve so I would start to seriously think about changing things soon.  

These are just my thoughts, but  know I've been there as have so many others on this forum. The depression, anxiety, loss of self-worth, feelings of failure, etc.  And, physical issues which I also seem to remember you going through some serious ones earlier this year.  And, if you have no support group, it is so much worse, but you can do it.  I did or I wouldn't be writing this now.  I would still be in that overwhelming darkness, but I got out of it by realizing I was more important than it and so are you!   Well, I also found a great counselor to listen to me and my doctor prescribed a medication that also helped, but I was glad for all of it.  Anything to feel better!  And, yes, through it all I had a furbutt to hug and talk to.  You need something at some point. There are so many loving cats and dogs waiting for someone like you. 

As for your father who is obviously certifiable and always has been - cut the thread, but you'll probably have to move to do it for good.  I did.  My father was toxic to me and I hated to answer the phone or open a letter for fear of what I was about to hear or read.  Wow, once I ended all that I felt free  (I am a senior gal now and only did it about 20 years ago).   You can do that as well.  Let him wallow in his hatred because it will never change and as long as you make yourself available to him to vent it will only continue.  He knows he can hurt you and that gives him strength to keep doing it.  Soul- less people have no problem being cruel.

Hang in there and know that people do care and do understand.  That's obvious by the replies you are getting on this thread.  Your father is volatile and dangerous and you really do need to take the steps to make a change.  The fact he is telling you to stay out of his life is a good thing, but to you you feel like a failure as a daughter.  That's what he wants you to think.  And, the more you think about it the more you will believe it ...........

what's that old saying about grabbing your boot straps and pulling yourself up...it might take baby steps, but you can do it

hugs to you, forrestwolf

[Toppers]

Forrestwolf,

You are a very kind and caring person. I can see that from your posts here. That being said my dear, you don't have to be under your Dad's control anymore. 

You are in a career where you are able to support yourself. If I were you, I would take your puppy and start a new life over, some place else.

[fortune]

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@forrestwolf wrote:

An answer to all responses.....First off...Thank you...I am not from here, as I was born in middle GA, and raised there, and only moved here 8 years ago..I hate it here, but I am an only child, that my dad was never given any visitation rights to when my mom and dad divorced at my age of 2....I am in my 50's...I am the oldest grandchild of 3, with my grandparents dead...My uncle lives next door to my dad...but has not delt with him in years...I do not live in a neighborhood, as I live in the middle of multiple acres.....I live in no where land, and neighbors, do not mean Just Next Door....There is land between us...I live just down from my family farm that is hundreds of acres....My uncle has nothing to do with my dad, as you can not deal with my dad....He has multiple guns...no less than 5 feet from anywhere in his house....I have had one in my face...many years ago, just down here to visit, before I lived here....There are no freeways here, only 2 laned highways here, on flat land, with mostly sand roads, and only just over 7,000 people living in my county...That is rich with money, and mostly my family, that I have never dealt with, as most did not even realize that I existed, until I move here 8 years ago...They all know what my father can be, and for years he did not even own a phone, because he wanted to talk to no one....I have just been left to care for this man, that is sane in one moment, and crazy in the next....The Sheriff's office knows this, and unless he is an immediate threat, they will do nothing...Believe me, as they have had to do some well checks of late with me, and they know of the guns, but can do nothing unless he is a threat to them.....They just make sure he is fine, and then leave....

I have had Invisible Fence by Invisible Fence since 1996...It worked so well with Savannah, but I had her at the age of 8 weeks....Wolfgang is much older, and my neighbors...remember the distance...used to care for Savannah, and feel it fine to care and name Wolfgang, as their just teenage daughter loves animals....I found out that the home where I found Wolfgang when he was lost, is a cousin that I did not even know....SO...they feel they can claim him as well.....He came home 2 days ago, and I locked him in for the night, and was so loving, and then was gone again the next day....He came home yesterday, and stayed for about 5 minutes....I leave him food, and keep the garage door open, and leave myself vunerable, as safety goes, but I just can not train him to play, or keep him totally safe...I have talked with somone in an animal group here, and trying to find him a safe home, as I am just not ready, and fear for his safety....

I have the power of attorney for my dad, for financial and health care, but he is still of sound enough mind, and because of who he is....and the family position in this town...No one will touch him...I will be totally alone at Christmas....as I do not want my dad here...and puppy is MIA, yet again...I know that this is not the place to air this dirty laundry....but you can not imagine what it feels like after all of these years to type it out to someone....Actually people who know me here, who have been here for me in the past, and not pick up a phone and judge me because of the fact that I am a daughter failure, and unable to properly rescue a lost pup that was thrown out on my sandy road, in the middle of no place.......

Thank you for just allowing me to type out my thoughts, and please do not judge me for the length of my post.....I so needed to get this out, and with no family....I can not get this out like I have so needed to......

Please have a wonderful holiday season, and give your animals a big kiss from me, and tell them how lucky they are to be safe and have all the love that abounds them......

---

Hi Wolfie!

You do have options.  You are lucky that you are in a position to make choices to change your situation.

1.  Option one is to stay there and try to hang onto Wolfgang.  Everything will remain the same or get worse.  NOTHING will get better on its own--not you, not your father, not Wolfgang.  Something bad could happen to any one of you.

2.  Option two is to go back to GA where you lived before coming here.  Do you have friends there?  Do you have job opportunities there?

3.  Option three is to go to another state--preferably with the kind of weather you like and where you will be safe.  As a skilled nurse, you can get a job anywhere.  Just sell your house and leave.

Please limit ALL conversation and dealings with your Father.  Don't tell him anything about what you may be considering.  Change your locks and phone number. It seems as if your Sheriff will only take action if a crime is committed!  Please get Wolfgang a new home.  When you are settled somewhere else, you can get pets to love.  I hope you will take these steps very soon.  Your safety is at stake.  HUGS to you!  I think a lot about your situation and hope for the very best for you!!!

[Cheryl A Sophie]

Forrestwolf as as a fellow healthcare working nurse you probably moved there to be close to your father as his legal guardian, but for your safety so you can make decisions for him you must move further away to keep yourself safe first and foremost.

if he hurts or G-d forbid kills you how can you help him? Can you move far enough to be safe from him but closer then GA.? 

Sounds like you acknowledge needing to find a different home for Wolfgang, while you sort out other issues, can the rescue group temporarily care for him and keep him safe while you sort that out?

please, know that none of this is your fault, you were left trying to manage an impossible situation with your dad, filled with roadblocks that are not your fault, then trying to rescue a dog that was dumped in your area. Wanderers need to be owned by someone whom can give then more structure then you can right now, again that is NOT your fault.

get yourself into safety first. As a nurse you can work wherever you move to.

[forrestwolf]

Wolfgang is safe....I do not want to know where he has gone, but have provided the vet information to the proper person, from where I had his shots and things done....I will not own another dog as long as my dad is alive....I have to be content to continue to talk to my Little Savannah, in her container, until such a day that her ashes and mine are combined, and throw to the Cherokee Woods, as that is where my mom and her cocker spaniel are spread, off the mile high bridge at Grandfathers Mountain.....

I have not spoken with my dad since the last MD appointment, when he told me to leave him alone....I have been told that he sent out a couple of Christmas cards to cousins, that he is closest to, that they could barely read his writing.....I know he is declining, and I will have to try to make contact with him at some point, as no one else will, and he will not answer a phone, and has no answering machine....The family has told me, that they know that I have done the best as I could, with the man that I am dealing with, and would never fault me in any way....I know that even thou my mom hated him, that she would still expect me to care for him, as a daughter, but mostly as to what I stand to inherit when he is gone, and she wanted me to look after my inheritance......I know that might sound strange to some, but at his death...I will not have to work any more....once I find all of the money, and such....This is already defined in the will...that I have a copy of, and the lawyer is a cousin, and any of you can look up Patten Seed Company, and see the family that I am from, and Patten Pecan company, just bought out by Bill Gates, and I have to stay here to protect what is rightfully mine, after all of the H#L# that I  have endured since the age of 2....I have just been handed over the keys to my grandparents home to care for and rent, for my dad and uncle to get all of the rent....All of the farm is rented out to a family, and we get a stipend for not growing tobacco from the government.....Crazy, I know, but I do not make the laws....BUT...I have too much to lose if I NOW leave here....Yes....34 years of nursing experience, that I have, I can leave here, if I can sell my place for what it is worth, and go some place else, but at a cost.....that may be too great, due to a gready uncle.....

I have now lost 30 lbs in less than a month....YEA for me....but just not in a way that should happen....My lab work is in the gutter, and I have miticondrial disease (thanks mom), and now my potassium is rock bottom, as well as my sodium...seizure level...and constant liquid diarrhea...no parasites or bacteria problems, as all tested negative....but my muscles are in frequent spasams, because of low potassium, and low magnesium....On meds to cover all, to no avail....I can not just go and get hired somewhere with these medical issues, as I have iron clad insurance, and state teachers retirement, and fully vested in less than 2 years.....Strange as it my seem, I can not give up all of the stakes just to get away a crazy man....I have to protect what I have.......I have vultures already circling stating they want this or that.....Yes...I could throw it all up and move away....But my mom's voice is there....even thou she hated my dad....she expects me to do the right thing......I am power of attorney, and have a living will in place for him, and his doctor is a cousin.....

I catch HEllo at home and work.....I deal daily with animal abusers, child molestors, murderors, drug dealers, and the dredges of society....and then come home to such HeTT as well.......

Right now, between my muscles, labs, dad, animal abuse, and such...AND that my computer has crashed 3 times, and on my 2nd new hard drive since 11/15, I am at my wits end.....

Thank you all for your comments, and suggestions, but I guess that you just have to be in my shoes....Just know, Wolfgang has a new name, and is safe.....

[forrestwolf]

This is what I gave up, because of my dad, and my life in general..........  My his life be well.........

[italia8140]

Sounds like a soap opera. So much drama.

[deedledeedeedle]

Forrestwolf,

Please excuse my frankness but I have been in your shoes and am here to tell you that no inheritance is worth your life. Whether you recognize it or not, your life has been over for 8 years since you chose to move away from your home to be codependent with an abuser and assume the "role" of abandoned & unloved little girl. Yes, you do have the right to your own life and to choose what/who you allow into your life. Since you are a health professional surely you realize that your mental health is as equally important as your physical health. They are not mutually exclusive. I urge you to please be in contact with a psychiatrist who you can work with to get on the road to a peaceful, happy, and fulfilling life, inheritance or not. 

My sister did the same as you, hung on, and ended up dying at age 42. She, of course, did not live to receive her "birthright" wheras I shoved it back into my fathers' face when I was 25.  He died 10 years ago with all of his money, while I am happily living my life, loving my job, nearing retirement age with no plans to retire. So, I didn't "need" the blood money after all, Forrestwolf, and neither do you. 

[mzlg]

Forrestwolf, I can only let you know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.  I have often read your posts/replies - I'm not real active on the Q boards.  I wish I could say something brilliant, but I can't, so I won't even try.  Please take care of yourself and keep active on the forum.  Best wishes for the New Year.

[Lisasmom]

FW, I rarely post on these forums, but your original post, although a bit difficult to understand, touched my heart and made me sad and I wanted to respond.

I did not understand how your father prevented you from leaving the truck as he walked your dog to the highway in the hopes he would be killed.  No, I wasn't there and I wasn't in your shoes, but the fact he did that and you still are willing to deal with him even on a limited basis leaves me a bit speechless.  I think your father pretty much summed up how he felt about you and the dog in that instance.  No respect or feeling for either of you.

And, now reading your last post...do you really think your mother would want you to end up like this in the hopes you get the inheritance you believe you are entitled to? You are physically and emotionally sick and drained.  A good paying job and benefits won't help you if you are laid off because you are too sick to work.

Yes, in a way I have been in your shoes only not on such a grand scale, but it was enough that it could have changed my life when my grandparents passed.  They raised me.

You say you are in a town of 7,000 where people you don't know are related to you and you are and always have been, the outsider.  And, a cousin is the lawyer.  And, you have power of attorney and all that.

I see red flags everywhere............from personal experience in a small town.........about 40 years ago, but the premise is the same - greedy relatives who come out of the depths when there is money to be gained.  Money passes hand to hand to make things change....lawyers don't always act on behalf of the client they are representing...

I had 2 wills in hand when a relative came forward with a codicil my grandparents signed under duress that I knew nothing about.  That codicil left everything to that relative including the family dog who was mine to begin with! My local lawyer representing me acted dumb like he knew nothing........

Bottom line, I was the outsider and could do nothing - it was done and their home which I wanted to keep and maintain, was listed before the burial of my grandmother.

I know you think you have got it all figured out so all I would suggest is to get a lawyer in a different town/city to oversee your interests and double check what you have in writing, etc.  It couldn't hurt because the way I read into it, there is no way this group of relatives whether they like your father or not, are going to let you step in after so many years and walk away with any $.  Not without a heckofa fight.

In my first post to you I talked about cutting the thread with my father.  I stood to inherit a great deal, but my mental health and my happiness were more important, especially since I was getting older and already had physical problems and the thought occured to me that his last sarcasm to his ex-wives and me would probably be his leaving everything to a church I refused to join many years prior. No, none of it was worth having that toxic presence in my airspace even in another state.

No offense is intended towards you by my bluntness in this post. I am responding to things you have said. I really hope you get what you want.  I just hope you do talk to a lawyer who is not associated in any manner to anyone in this group.

I also hope your dog is now safe - in a small town I am sure everyone knows where he is and I think your father will leave him alone now that you no longer have him.  It was all about hurting you.

This situation must have a serious, mind numbing effect on you because on other forums where you have recently posted you sound like your old self with nothing amiss.  Like you compartmentalize (sp) this situation and then go about your life in other aspects as normal as you can.  Please be careful because a stress breakdown can creep up on you without any warning...it did me and then I made those changes.

I did a name change a couple of weeks ago but it looks like it just went through..my first post to you was in anothr name.