Pet Lovers

[catwhisperer]

My DH passed almost seven months ago. My male cat was close to him and is now somewhat aggresive towards me at times like it is my fault that he is no longer here. He trys to bite me at times. Not sure how to handle this behavior. I give him a lot of positive, loving attention.

[Sammycat1]

First, my deepest sympathies on your loss. It can affect our furry ones, too.

Yet as a cat lover may I suggest first a trip to the vet. Biting is often a sign of pain. He might have something wrong and you don't want to assume purely behavioral issues.

Then if your kitty is cleared medically, let him approach you on his terms...call out to him and interact with him, of course, but let him decide when he wants to be petted or picked up.

We saw deep grieving when my father-in-law passed away...his male cat was sometimes aggressive, but often depressed and withdrawn.  It took him ore than six months to come around....but he never interacted with other family members than he did with his ''Dad.''

Also try some Feliway pheromones....good when the kitty is stressed out.

[Annabellethecat66]

You know when my husband died suddenly, his favorite cat, Fabio would sit on the hood of his truck, waiting for him.

I eventually sold the truck to our business partner in Florida because she missed and loved my husband too and she needed a truck...seemed like a good idea.

Eventually Fabio stopped mourning for my husband, but he never got back to where he was with my husband.

Fabio would come and sit in my lap when I’d cry missing my husband.

I think animals understand sadness and do their best to comfort us.

[Meowingkitty]

When my father in law passed away we had given him one of our kitties to keep him company so we took her back. She missed him terribly. We tried for weeks to reintroduce her back into the fold but it never worked. She was crabby, hissed, mean and would fight and bite. She just never adapted. We did have to put her to sleep because she was miserable and unhappy but we did try our best but she was just so grief stricken. 

[geezerette]

@catwhisperer 

I know how difficult these last months have been for you.  To have your cat acting up does not help heal your own grief, I'm sure. 💔

My cat was not close to my husband, so I didn't have that problem.  However, my dog (who, ironically was not close to my husband) went through a period of what I would describe as confusion when my husband passed.  I'm not sure she actually missed him, more like she just couldn't understand why he was no longer around and why our (and her) routine had changed.  After several months she started to go back to her normal self, gradually.

I would also suggest a trip to the vet, just to make sure there are no underlying health issues that could be contributing to your cat's behavior.  The vet may or may not have suggestions for you.  I've found many vets are not versed in behavioral issues, but it's always worth a try.  Also, you could give some of the cat calming pheromones a try.

And be patient.  Cats are, well, cats.  They do things on their own schedule. I have a ten-year-old car that never has really cared to show much affection.  All of a sudden in the last year he has decided he can't get enough attention from me.  Rubbing, scratching, petting.  And when I sit down, he immediately comes flying to get on my lap now.  Go figure.

And one more thought: your cat may be reacting to your own stress.  I know my dog did.  It was only after I was able to get my own emotions under (somewhat) better control that she started to calm down too.  Animals are very tuned in to our emotional state.  And some animals more than others.

Thinking of you, @catwhisperer .  💔🙏🕊❤️

[x Hedge]

 Sorry about your loss, @catwhisperer , and the difficulty you & your cat are having.

My 20 y/o cat died last spring, and his cat, who is 16 y/o, became withdrawn and depressed for several months. Lots of bad behavior, some defiance, and barely eating.

Seriously, She was his cat, not mine, and we aren't close.

It took until November for her to be a little less upset by his absence. She regained her appetite and joined me on the main floor of the house.

He'd always laid with his back to the wall or back of the chair. She'd snuggle in, facing him, and kneaded dough against him her whole life.

Now she lays in her usual position, facing the wall or back of the chair, but still leaving the same sized gap his body would've occupied.

I gave her the Berkshire Fluffy he'd used in his last few months. It's still covered by his smells. That helps a lot.

I found a fluffy-type big cushion to comfort her in the kitchen. (Took weeks, but now she relies on it.)

I heat her "Lava Buns" twice a day so she has the sensation of laying against warmth.

I bought a cat harness and take her outside for just a short time. That's been a new positive distraction.

She took a surprising interest in a kitten I was fostering. (She usually avoids the fosters.)

I groom her more, to increase her physical contract with another life, and because it reinforces bonding.

Hope you can find some techniques that help you and your cat.

[AuntG]

That is sad, but like your post says, the cat appears to be in mourning - and you can't reason with a cat. Continue to be kind to it and maybe it will come around eventually.

[catwhisperer]

@geezerette...I think you might be on to something when you said my cat may be reacting to my own stress. 

He has always been mischievous and still is even though he is almost 13. He will run up behind me and smack my ankle, then wait for my reaction. He can be quite clingy at times and wants me to hold him. He gets anxious when he knows I'm leaving to go somewhere. But like some of you have said, he's a cat.