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Honored Contributor
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Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Ava Is Terrified Of Henry

@NickNack    I know you are concerned and want tranquility and peace in your little household, but I think you're making too much of a fuss over this minor issue.  I'd ignore the situation and proceed as though everything was just perfect.  When you coddle and comfort Ava or hand feed her,  you are just reinforcing her fears.  It won't hurt Ava to miss a meal; she'll go back and eat it later if she gets really hungry.

 

I'd let them work it out or at least let them learn to live together.  As long as there's no bloodshed, they're doing no harm.  Perhaps Ava feels as though she's intruding on another animal's territory and it makes her uneasy.  She'll adjust with time.  Your anxiety may be making her nervous.  Just relax and go with the flow and ignore them.

New Mexico☀️Land Of Enchantment
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Re: Ava Is Terrified Of Henry


@NickNack wrote:

Thank you for the encouraging words @geezerette .  That is my hope.  I'm looking forward to having the trainer come tonight.


I am glad you are haveing someone come out a asses the situation.  A new set of eyes can often see something we are missing. 

 

The one thing the trainer will bring in is objectivity.  You had made a comment that Ava has no reason to be afraid, which is probably true.  Yet Ava is not seeing it that way.  Fear issues can be very complicated because in our minds they are not rational.  Given some time I am sure they will get along fine, just keep working on it.

Someday, when scientists discover the center of the Universe....some people will be disappointed it is not them.
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Re: Ava Is Terrified Of Henry

@NickNack 

Carrying her might just help.

 

It helped convince my first dog that I was on her side when it came to the cat.

 

The cat was sitting in the middle of the narrow hallway and I was on one side of the cat doing something in the kitchen, and my new dog was sitting on the other side. She was far enough from the cat so as not to get swiped with a paw, but as I turned to them both, I could see the dog wanted to go past the cat and come to be with me.

 

I stepped over the cat and picked up the dog to bring her into the kitchen with me. Ever after that, I could tell she trusted me.

 

I think the more you show Ava you are going to protect her (including picking her up), the more she will feel safe. I know she's a bit heavy to carry around a lot (my dog back then was less than 10 pounds), but it may be something to add to your repertoire. 

Love to be home . . . thus the screen name. Joined 2003.
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Registered: ‎03-14-2010

Re: Ava Is Terrified Of Henry

@NickNack ,  when I brought Gabriel home, he was 9 weeks and Teaspoon my Maltese almost 15 at the time.  Teaspoon HATED Gabriel,  and stayed away all by herself, and hardly ate.  It was very upsetting to me, especially considering her age...she simply did not want to be bothered or have any part of him.  She would leave the room and stay alone.  I never considered a trainer...I just gave it time, and by 2 weeks she started to come out.  As time went on, she gained her boss attitude, lol.

Hang in there, Ava will figure it out.  Perhaps the trainer will provide some good tips.

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Registered: ‎07-09-2011

Re: Ava Is Terrified Of Henry

@NickNack 

 

You have gotten some very good advice, and a trainer coming too!

I’m SURE it will work out, Henry and Ava May never be buddy, buddy, but There can be Peace.

 

I have done this many times in our multi-blended Family.  It is really important to me that no one feels ‘let down, or abandoned’ by me and that they all know they are have a special place with me.  (I know this is your goal too.)

 

I use myself as the buffer and make SURE to affirm all parties by touch and voice - something in the I love you voice, to each using their name.  For instance, with Henry in the hall and Ava in the bedroom, I would have joined them, on the floor if possible, and put one hand on Henry, patting him, and told them both how sweet, how, pretty..... With an occasional Call to Ava to come out and see Henry.  I also arrange truces, with me sitting or standing between them, just talking, saying their names.  I always keep my voice very calm and make sure they know that they are both good, much loved members, treat it as a perfectly normal circumstance, and share my conviction that all is fine.

 

I might have talked to Ava with Henry looking in the door, ‘oh, Ava, look, there’s Sweet Henry’ yes, I am the crazy lady who talks to her animals!  Or try to arrange times with sitting between them on the sofa, talking calmly, and touching them.

 

What is important is that Henry’ standing as the much loved kitty is not degraded in his mind (he must be SO confused as he’s not doing anything wrong), and that Ave’s safety and welcome are supported.  I know this is what you want too.

 

I would not enforce physical separation between them.  This will give momentary peace, but it will not build long term harmony, and someone is likely to have hurt feelings.

 

Having said all this, knowing what a good Mom you are, and how dedicated you are to their wellbing, it will all be well.

"Animals are not my whole world, but they have made my world whole" ~ Roger Caras
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Re: Ava Is Terrified Of Henry

[ Edited ]

Thank you so much @Drythe  and everyone for your comments and advice.  The training session was great!  Ava got very close to Henry while being praised for not being scared and licking peanut butter from a long spoon.  She would also walk by him and not be afraid.

 

When the trainer got here Henry got about four feet from Ava, and Ava started shaking.  The trainer did get to see how scared she was.  The trainer gave me some good ideas of what to do and will come back next Tuesday as well.  She thinks two lessons is all we will need and I can go from there on my own.  I hope she's right.  She does feel like everything will be fine in the not too distant future.

 

Ava was fine with the trainer and let her pet her.  She showed me how to let people approach her--not bending down over her and not petting her on the head but on the back.  

 

When she left Ava and Henry were fairly close to each other and all was fine.  I left the room not thinking much about it and don't know what happened.  Ava let out the shriek again and started running.

 

All is calm now.

 

Drythe, I do make sure that I pay as much attention to Henry and talk to him just like I do Ava.  I don't want him to feel neglected or left out.  Also, the trainer told me to leave Ava in her crate so that she felt safe when I left the house.  She told me to partially cover the crate with a blanket for comfort.  She was used to being left in a crate at her breeder's, but I haven't done it.  I will start though.


Day after day the whole day through, wherever my road inclined, four feet said 'I'm coming with you!' and trotted along behind. Kipling





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Re: Ava Is Terrified Of Henry

 

I always look forward to reading your posts everyday. I am sure everything will work out.  It is similar to a marriage. It takes time to adjust to one another.

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Re: Ava Is Terrified Of Henry

@NickNack 

 

I am so happy.  Please don’t think I thought you were doing wrong by Henry, you clearly love him, I was just voicing what I thought he might be thinking /feeling.

 

About the crate, Just meant not to take one of them away to a separate place when they were having a difficult moment, or separate the permanently, because it could be construed as favoritism, or punishment, or both.

 

We have never crated an animal unless due to sickness, so I just never think of it.  But I do know about catching animals, and animals in rescue centers, the crates are covered, privacy, and coziness, that ole’ cave thing.

 

Calm, praise, love, FOOD, will get y’all through the tense times.

 

Good Wishes and nose kisses.

"Animals are not my whole world, but they have made my world whole" ~ Roger Caras
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Re: Ava Is Terrified Of Henry


@Drythe wrote:

@NickNack 

 

I am so happy.  Please don’t think I thought you were doing wrong by Henry, you clearly love him, I was just voicing what I thought he might be thinking /feeling.

 

About the crate, Just meant not to take one of them away to a separate place when they were having a difficult moment, or separate the permanently, because it could be construed as favoritism, or punishment, or both.

 

We have never crated an animal unless due to sickness, so I just never think of it.  But I do know about catching animals, and animals in rescue centers, the crates are covered, privacy, and coziness, that ole’ cave thing.

 

Calm, praise, love, FOOD, will get y’all through the tense times.

 

Good Wishes and nose kisses.


 

 

@Drythe   I didn't think you were being critical in any way.  I very much appreciate your advice.  I knew what you meant about separation and didn't think it had anything to do with a crate.

 

Ava was kept in a crate when the breeder was away.  I had just never done it although I had gotten it out because the breeder had told me she used one.  I had wondered if it might be better to crate her when I left since this was going on between Henry and her.  The trainer said I should.


Day after day the whole day through, wherever my road inclined, four feet said 'I'm coming with you!' and trotted along behind. Kipling





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Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Ava Is Terrified Of Henry

Is there any chance that ava ,had at any point been abused in the past?

When you lose some one you L~O~V~E, that Memory of them, becomes a TREASURE.