A final update.
After a couple of days of taking Grady to the vet for shots to help with the sick tummy, and an anti inflammatory to ease pain, we chose today to be his last.
The meds had about a 24 hour cycle in his system, and for a few hours each day, he was more perky, responsive and happy, but many other hours, we could see the effects of this very fast moving cancer. He was only eating a couple of bites each day, and drinking little (they were hydrating him daily during the trip to the vet). He slept much, and was such a brave boy with the rapid changes and feelings.
This allowed us a couple of days for him to come home, to soak in the sights, smells, voices and sounds of the life he had known. He was able to spend time on the porch while we rocked and talked the afternoon away, enjoy his favorite treat (mini marshmallows, only a couple), be told over and over how much he was loved, take a walk to the places on the property he spent his best times in life, nap through movie night with the family all surrounding him, sleep in his own bed, with family members laying by his side, taking turns guarding him through the night.
It gave us the time to tell him how much he'd brought to our lives, how much we'd miss him, how wonderful the other side would be, and remind him to look for the others that have gone on before him, once he got there.
It gave us time to see him one or two last times in all those places in the house that are 'his'. We are so grateful that it gave us all time to grieve as well as sit up late one night, surrounding him as he slept, telling stories of all the times of his life, and ours with him. We did this for him, to lull him with our voices, but we did it for us. We have scattered as a family lately, with child grown, and adults all busy, and this brought us back together, bonding us in a sad but deep and important way. It has been a stark reminder just how quickly life can change (this entire event pretty much took place in less than two weeks), and how important it is to spend time with those we love in the now, right now, so as to have no regrets later, wishing we had seen more/done more with those we love.
We got to all hold him as he slipped off to sleep, peacefully, and wrapped in the love of a family who will be forever grateful for his sweet kind spirit, his unconditional love, his funny antics.
I'll admit, I've spent a significant part of this last week not only in tears, but devastated and bawling. But as we held him while he went to sleep, I felt such a peace, knowing he won't suffer any longer, and we had done every thing to know what was wrong, and why he was so sick. I will have bad days, and they will overwhelm me in the weeks and months to come, but for tonight, I am just peaceful beyond what I expected.
I am so grateful that we had the means to pay for (actually the credit to make payments for this in the future) the services to find out his problem, and to have him treated daily and brought back home. It was well over $100 each day just to take him in for meds and fluids, then bring him back home. My heart breaks for those that don't have any way to pay when such costly things occur, and have to put down a pet wondering if there might have been something to be done to save them or extend their lives, that would be worthwhile. We didn't have to wonder. While we chose not to treat the disease, we got to know what is was, what the prognosis was with treatments (not good at all), and make informed decisions. That is a luxury many would not have with their beloved pets.
I am also so very grateful for all of you here that have taken the time to share and care about this situation. It has meant so much to me, to have somewhere to come and receive support with something that as a pet parent, we know is inevitable, but we never want to actually have come. Thank you for holding us up in our time of need.
My prayers to all who are experiencing something similar at this time, to those who have walked the path before, and for all animals that don't have people to love and care for them.
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