It was on December 21, 2010, that I lost my beloved cat, Moochie, in a tragic way. I know the pain that transpires when you lose a fur-baby just days before Christmas, how the heart just breaks while so much of life around us is rejoicing. It’s hard. And even though I’ve only been here as a contributor since November, I’ve seen on the Pet Lovers page several people who have gone through the loss of their pet recently. And I’m sure that there have been many more throughout the year. So I have written this for all who have loved and lost, and I dedicate it to my sweetie, Moochie, and to all of those pet-kids who have stepped from this life this year.
The Christmas lights shine, the tree’s all trimmed, carols are on the radio, there’s laughter and joy everywhere I turn. But I don’t see it without tears. I can’t hear it without somewhere in my mind saying, “why now”? I can’t feel what everyone else feels, because there’s too much pain.
How can I be sad? It’s Christmas. Doesn’t everyone say, “It’s the most wonderful time of the year”? Trying to smile, I look again, all around at the decorations, but I expect to see you there amongst the garlands and bows, and I sigh deeply instead. How can I be spending this first Christmas without you?
Wasn’t it just yesterday that you were snuggled up in my arms? You were happy, full of life and always making me smile with that mischievous face and your silly antics. But now you’re gone.
I want to pet you, hold you, feel your soft tongue on my hands and face, because I know you’d want to wash away these tears that just won’t stop. Oh, my friend, my companion, my loved one, my little ball of fur, how I wish we’d had more time together. Just this one more Christmas. To be with you. To have you with me. But it wasn’t meant to be.
And on my knees I place my hand over my heart and cry. Suddenly, I feel more than my pulse. Is that my cat purring? Is that my dog’s tail wagging? Are you really here after all? I hear your voice, your meow, your bark, and pushing through the pain I feel some wonder and cheer.
I know it’s all right to cry, to still feel pain. But I do know where you are. You’re right here inside my heart. And through the tears I see the lights, and know that where you are, the lights are shining even brighter. And in my ears I hear the songs, and know that where you are, the music never ends.
Inside my heart is where you are, although your feet walk about in the glorious places above. You dance with the angels, you are played with by children, babies, and adults like me who have also gone on before. You feel no pain, you feel no fear, you feel only joy and peace. You glow with a light that can only be described as heavenly and your beauty matches the splendor where you reside.
I miss you, my precious baby, and I know I’ll still be sad. But this Christmas I have something to treasure, the gift of you forever. Forever in my heart.
XOXOXO my cat babies and my dog, my best friend, gone almost 8 years now, Tandi XOXOXO
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