Re: failure to launch

panda1234 · ‎04-27-2015

@Growing wrote:
Let me also say that I help people redo their resumes to include the proper key words to fit into the computer algorithm that is set up by HR for each job. If the resume is not laid out right in plain format, the computer can't read it. If you don't use the key words pertaining to that career field (found in the job description plus others), then the computer puts that application in the no file. So it can be hard to get interviews. I have a master's degree and I helped many newer graduates redo their resumes in our field. I've helped a lot of people and this is just a volunteer gig I do as a service to people. But the old style of doing a resume is a no and many people don't realize they have to fit the keywords so the algorithm matches them to the job. And they have to be brief and to the point on the cover letter and resume. Applying to jobs one doesn't qualify for is also a no but many people say just apply and see what happens. Employers are inundated with resumes from unqualified people and mostly these go into the no pile. Employers are also looking to hire someone they DON'T have to train. For those of us older people, we were always hired in and trained on the job. Nowdays, they want someone who had already done the job or most parts of the job. So a young person may need to get skills at a lower level job first. If you have a college degree you are told how wonderful this is and will lead to great jobs. But the young person has no skills and no experience and so has great difficulty finding a suitable job.

@Growing @This is so interesting regarding the resumes, I had no idea. I am going to pass this along to a person I know who is looking.

ThinkingOutLoud · ‎05-01-2020

@panda1234 wrote:
@Growing @decaf @ThinkingOutLoud @Travone I sincerely apologize for not giving more info. Your comments were excellent and I appreciate you taking the time. The rest of the story is.....she is 26, we do charge her rent, she has chores to do around the house, mental illness is a factor and she is on disability. Previously, she was in school full time with two part time jobs, had friends, had a life. Recently she has been doing better but will never be cured. I feel she needs to get out and either work a little or volunteer somewhere, she is afraid to do this. The longer she sits in the house the harder it is going to be for her to get back in society. She is not able to look down the road five years from now as she is cognitively impaired, at the age of a young child. Again, I want to thank all of you for your input.

Well, this info definitely changes things! Sounds like you need to be her partner and go with her to volunteer, get out in society, etc. And you're right, the longer this goes on, the harder it will be.

Side note -

from this post: not working + disability = paying you rent??? I do think she should contribute to her room and board but not with tax payer money since she's living at home.

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

@panda1234 I know locally there are agencies who help people like this with jobs that they can do and get out and socialize, make some money, and feel good about themselves.

Maybe could you do a little volunteer work such as Meals on Wheels delivering meals a day or two a week or as a fill-in driver and let her help.

Maybe volunteering at a church food pantry would be a place to get her out and used to working with people. Find one with a really friendly group who runs it and it could be a wonderful experience. Plus, you get to know people that way and maybe new opportunities would surface.

All good thoughts go your way! And I hope something great is just down the road for her.

Travone · ‎10-14-2016

@panda1234 My heart goes out to you. These details completely change the story. I understand your concern, and I agree, she does need to get out in public and feel comfortable doing so. I would worry as to what would happen if you were no longer there for her. Unfortunately you have to prepare for that day. Would it be possible for someone she knows, a friend or family member to volunteer with her until she is comfortable doing so on her own?

Completely different situation, but a family member has a mentally challenged daughter. She is in her 30's but acts like a young teen. She was in a special school and through that found a job for her. A few years ago, she moved into a group home. She loves it. She talks about her apartment (her room in the house) and her roommates. Her parents are able to travel and have recently purchased a second home for the winter months. The daughter will visit but will not stay with them for the entire time. The parents no longer worry about what will happen to her if they are unable to care for her.

Good Luck to you. I'll keep your family in my prayers.

panda1234 · ‎04-27-2015

@Travone wrote:
@panda1234 My heart goes out to you. These details completely change the story. I understand your concern, and I agree, she does need to get out in public and feel comfortable doing so. I would worry as to what would happen if you were no longer there for her. Unfortunately you have to prepare for that day. Would it be possible for someone she knows, a friend or family member to volunteer with her until she is comfortable doing so on her own?

Completely different situation, but a family member has a mentally challenged daughter. She is in her 30's but acts like a young teen. She was in a special school and through that found a job for her. A few years ago, she moved into a group home. She loves it. She talks about her apartment (her room in the house) and her roommates. Her parents are able to travel and have recently purchased a second home for the winter months. The daughter will visit but will not stay with them for the entire time. The parents no longer worry about what will happen to her if they are unable to care for her.

Good Luck to you. I'll keep your family in my prayers.

Thank you @Travone this gives me hope. Actually she is similar to your family member's daughter. My daughter being 26 is on the level of a 11 year old.....they call it cognitively impaired. This is in addition to her severe mental illness. My dream for her would be having her own place, friends, a purpose in life......just having a life. We often talk about her dad and i being gone but she is processing this at an 11 year old level.

panda1234 · ‎04-27-2015

@decaf wrote:
@panda1234 I also think more information is needed to answer your question properly. I hope you'll respond.

I have a friend, her 40 yo daughter is still living with her, she never moved out on her own (except for college). My friend is finally starting to admit she had problem she should have handled differently years ago.

@decaf The sooner I can get things moving the better. I don't want her to be 40 and still living here, not healthy for everyone involved.

panda1234 · ‎04-27-2015

@Sooner wrote:
@panda1234 I know locally there are agencies who help people like this with jobs that they can do and get out and socialize, make some money, and feel good about themselves.

Maybe could you do a little volunteer work such as Meals on Wheels delivering meals a day or two a week or as a fill-in driver and let her help.

Maybe volunteering at a church food pantry would be a place to get her out and used to working with people. Find one with a really friendly group who runs it and it could be a wonderful experience. Plus, you get to know people that way and maybe new opportunities would surface.

All good thoughts go your way! And I hope something great is just down the road for her.

@Sooner The agencies I have found mostly are for substance abuse. She has done volunteering but it was short lived. At this point I am just tired.

HonestLife · ‎04-07-2011

@panda1234 My brother is Cognitively Impaired (sometimes labeled on The Spectrum). His efforts for independence have been a struggle for him and adds to his inner frustration with himself. It has little to do with tough-love or pushing. It can have the opposite effect as he will retreat from fear/anxiety and high expectations he has never been able to achieve. Love, compassion, a good listening ear and yes, a good Career Counselor can be helpful. Although only if they understand the small steps necessary. I'm sending you a huge basket of blessings for strength and happiness. Don't harness yourself with guilt. It's a difficult path for you both.

Mom2Dogs · ‎03-09-2010

@panda1234 Is there something called 'FILLING HOMES' in your area?

Where I live and it is probably state wide...it is residential living with caregivers that live on site and transport residents to a work program.

You might try looking into this or something similar...you could call your county social services for help.

It would get your out of your house, not that is what you asked for, but she would be more independent, which would give her confidence. Good luck

Drythe · ‎07-09-2011

@panda1234

We have very close friends whose child has Downs Syndrome with significant impairment. Now in late 30s, lives in a group home, has a job, speaks of apartment, friends, social doings, etc. Tells parents too busy to spend much time with them. 😊

You have likely already done this, but a call to Social Services may likely provide information relevant to your family.

I have never posted in Mom 2 Mom, as I am childfree by choice.

However, I have known this person since birth, and am very familiar with steps, progress, and situation.

Good Wishes to your family.

"Animals are not my whole world, but they have made my world whole" ~ Roger Caras