Honored Contributor
Posts: 11,324
Registered: ‎09-01-2010

@becca lou 

I am very sorry to read that your husband passed away recently, and know walking thru this stage of life alone has to be very difficult.  


I watched my grandmother, my aunt, and my mother cope with the loss of their husbands, and my mother was the only one who handled it well.   Mom showed us her strength and determination from day one, and 17 years later at the age of 86, even with dementia, she is still living in her home, alone.   

Mom has 3 of us to help her, and we each have certain things we do to make her life easier, and keep her in the only place she wants to be.   Mom has NEVER expected us to be at her beck and call, or come in to do her housework, laundry, etc.   Mom has all the help she needs when she needs it, but we're letting her live her life as she chooses until it becomes too much for her.  

I urge you to find your strength and determination, and learn to communicate well with your children.   All of you have lost someone important and must adjust; mothers shouldn't be left feeling all alone, but children need to see their mom is strong and capable.   Yes, fear creeps in, but you have to keep going forward, even if you have to make adjustments in order to manage on your own.   

Best wishes to you!

Honored Contributor
Posts: 15,310
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

While I don't condone your kids lack of respect, I'd encourage you to get a small apartment in an assisted living community. There would be people around to check that you are okay. In no way would I share my plans with the children until the move took place.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 10,764
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

@becca lou 


Sorry for the passing of your husband.  I'm sure it's a difficult time in your life & adjustment.


If you have fear of falling best thing is to invest in medical alert button/bracelet.  My friend in her late 80s has no one near (kids in other states) this has saved her many times after a fall.  The monitoring service is exceptional and the paramedics are en route immediately.


We can't depend (or expect our children) to be our "caregivers" it's our personal responsibility to take appropriate actions for ourselves. 



Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,325
Registered: ‎05-01-2010

Sorry you lost your husband and are alone. I live alone and have no children. I do not fear falling and I am in good health at 71. I will hire people to help me when the time comes so I can stay at home. I live one day at a time and try not to future trip about what could happen. 

Regular Contributor
Posts: 235
Registered: ‎07-12-2020

I am sorry to hear about the death of our husband. This is a very hard time for you. Was he your caregiver? Do you need more help in the home? If he paid all the bills and took care of everything in the house, this could be very overwhelming for you. If you fear falling, get rid of all your throw rugs and consider using a walker, as well as all the other ideas people said. Empty out cluttered rooms and too much furniture. If you have a cell phone, keep it on your body. Sounds like your kids are like many of our adult children-- they can't or won't be our caregivers. Truly, having bad help is not pleasant. Drunk help is really unpleasant! Many older adults are alone but you don't have to be if you don't want you. Some get a roommate or move to assisted living that has activities. You can hire help in the house, move to a senior living place where you'd be among people like yourself, and get a walker at a DME place or even drug stores and Grocery stores. Get a shower chair so you can sit down in the shower. Maybe call the Area Agency on Aging helpline for your area. It's 211 where I live. See if they can give you a list of geriatric care managers who can guide you. I am hoping you give us an update in a few weeks on how you are doing. Let us know if there is something specific you might be concerned about. 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,297
Registered: ‎02-09-2016

I was I could live like the golden girls did.. I really enjoy that show. So calming.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,276
Registered: ‎09-18-2010

@becca lou wrote:

I was I could live like the golden girls did.. I really enjoy that show. So calming.

How are you doing, @becca lou


I've often thought the same thing about the Golden Girls, I always loved that show.


I hope you are having a good night.

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,849
Registered: ‎03-29-2020

 I will hire people to help me when the time comes so I can stay at home



Not everyone can afford to do that.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,341
Registered: ‎04-19-2010

Please call your County's Office for Aging, and ask for help.  They have or know of local resources.  

-- pro-aging --

Rochester, New York
Honored Contributor
Posts: 30,343
Registered: ‎01-08-2011

I agree with the other ladies.  A life alert device or move into assisted living.  People seem to be so very satisfied with that arrangement.