Mom to Mom

[qualitygal]

During a talk with my son one time when he was young, I said, I may not always like things you do, but I will always love you. (He is an only).

[chrystaltree]

Would you?  You started the thread, it's only fair that you go first.

[Citrine1]

No

[lOVETOSHOP]

I know I would always love my child, no matter what.  As others have said, I may not LIKE things they did that I didn't approve of, but I would always love them.

This is a little off topic, but this resonates with me in my relationship with my father.  He hasn't been in my life or my children's lives for over 30 years.  My boys don't even know him as their grandfather.  He never calls, never keeps in contact.  It brought me to tears when I was younger (in my twenties) but I've gotten so used to the situation and have learned with age that "it is what it is" and have accepted it. 

However, I know that I still do love him.  My husband doesn't understand it...but I will always know him as my father.  I really hate his behaviour over all this time, but yet I do love him.  He was a good father when I was growing up...we became estranged after the death of my mother when I was 21.  I guess I'll always remember him the way he was and not the way he is.

[esmerelda]

@lOVETOSHOP Is his lack of contact the only problem?  If it is, could you contact him?  If it isn't could you take the first step to make things better?

[CareBears]

Recently our daughter has made a decision that have hurt my husband and I deeply.  Her decision was made with no regard to our history or pain that we endured and was strictly for her benefit, and she dragged another family member in her decision and has divided our family to the point I do not think the situation will ever be reconciled, IF she were to come to us and ask forgiveness we would have to look very deep in our hearts but YES we love our daughter unconditionally, but I do not know if the relationship will ever be the same?

[Plaid Pants2]

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@esmerelda wrote:

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@LilacTree wrote:

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@tansy wrote:

Lilac, are you still seeing a therapist?  If so, can you share a little of her comments on this situation?

I love both of my children, but as adults if one of them seriously harmed the other in some manner, I would cut off that child until he made it right with his sibling.

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@tansy

You were around at the time, Tansy, and may remember this situation.  Apologies either way will never happen, there is too much . . . I guess I have to say it . . . hate.  If I reconciled with the one who caused it, I would lose my other daughter, who has never done a mean thing to me or anyone else.  But I still love both, differently, and my next birthday I will be 80, and I am not healthy.  

I feel as though I am behind a brick wall with two doors in it and I can only open one, and my feet are stuck in cement.  I dream this often and I know the reason.

As to the therapist, she said she couldn't help me.  I will try to find another one.

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At fist I thought this was about the daughter choosing the dad over LT after the divorce.  But since the dad is dead and "the person who caused (this)" is still alive, it must be the one about the property issue.

So, @LilacTree, when you say "the person who caused it," what is the "it"...the estrangement?  One daughter has caused you to be estranged from the other?  Or you have chosen one daughter over the other?

What are your hobbies? What is the last good book you read?

eta...If your other daughter has never done a mean thing, why do you think she would change because her mother and sister reconciled?  Does family mean so little to her?

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One daughter sued her sister over the selling of a home that they both co-owned and lived in.

That's the back story.

[LilacTree]

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@CareBears wrote:

Recently our daughter has made a decision that have hurt my husband and I deeply.  Her decision was made with no regard to our history or pain that we endured and was strictly for her benefit, and she dragged another family in her decision and has divided our family to the point I do not think the situation will ever be reconciled, IF she were to come to us and ask forgiveness we would have to look very deep in our hearts but YES we love our daughter unconditionally, but I do not know if the relationship will ever be the same?

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@CareBears

Yes.  I understand.  And no, it probably won't ever be the same.  To me, when it's close family, it's all the more tragic.

[LilacTree]

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@lOVETOSHOP wrote:

I know I would always love my child, no matter what.  As others have said, I may not LIKE things they did that I didn't approve of, but I would always love them.

This is a little off topic, but this resonates with me in my relationship with my father.  He hasn't been in my life or my children's lives for over 30 years.  My boys don't even know him as their grandfather.  He never calls, never keeps in contact.  It brought me to tears when I was younger (in my twenties) but I've gotten so used to the situation and have learned with age that "it is what it is" and have accepted it. 

However, I know that I still do love him.  My husband doesn't understand it...but I will always know him as my father.  I really hate his behaviour over all this time, but yet I do love him.  He was a good father when I was growing up...we became estranged after the death of my mother when I was 21.  I guess I'll always remember him the way he was and not the way he is.

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@lOVETOSHOP

So sad. 

[homedecor1]

of course, I'd still love them BUT would never have to be happy with their choices in life! And I would never allow them to think what they do wrong is OK and close my eyes (luckily they hadn't & are grown men) or disrespect me. I see a lot where parents are "estranged" from kids or family members☹️

I find the older I get the easier it is to walk away from those who create drama in my life. I hate drama learned when to walk away from my wonderful therapist ....it was easy after I tried it a few times!