Re: What would you do if your grown child

DSD2 · ‎01-09-2016

@panda1234 wrote:
@hopi wrote:
Nothing.... would be disappointed but life is about letting go sometimes.
@hopi @I have a rare and serious illness, and I don't know if I have another birthday. I guess that is playing into this and I will just have to let it go.

@panda1234 I am so very sorry to hear this. Your hurt is even more understandable...I am saying a prayer for you....

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

@panda1234 wrote:
@Sooner wrote:
@panda1234 wrote:
did not acknowledge your birthday via text,phone call or card?
@panda1234 Have you posted before about the son, wife and her mother traveling without you? Or am I confusing you with someone else. If so, sorry! And I am sorry you are hurt and disappointed.

In any case, I wouldn't confront someone about missing my birthday. Because then if they remembered, I'd feel like just because I called them on it.

I think with family sometimes our expectations don't compare with the reality of relationships, and you can't judge relationships by a yard stick of perfection. Think about what is the best you can expect and then think about how you can adjust.

Maybe make a point of calling him the day before or on your birthday, talk about your birthday and how you are going to spend it, and say that part of your birthday joy is talking to him. Maybe that would solve the issue. I hope you can get some peace from the disappointment and give him the benefit of the doubt.
@Sooner I love what you said that our expectations Don't compare with the reality of relationships, so true. Are you a therapist? Everything you wrote was so well said but it doesn't change my feelings. a simple text message would've made me happy.

@panda1234 No, I certainly am not a therapist but have learned a lot the hard way with family and in-laws. In my experience, people rarely change. So if you want a relationship, sometimes it's on you and it won't be on them and that's just the way it is.

You can go the extra mile, make the effort, do the contacting, or let it go. And you and you alone have to decide what is more stressful for you. In almost any relationship, sombody carries the water. You have to decide how imortant this is, and whether it is worth stewing over.

AngelPuppy1 · ‎03-13-2010

My sister used to get so upset and cry. But now she says she is used to it. I know it still hurts her - how can it not?? But she just says - well, what can you do? If they don't care to remember, then it is, what it is.

"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night." - Steve Martin

CalminHeart · ‎03-09-2010

@panda1234 wrote:
did not acknowledge your birthday via text,phone call or card?

I get it. I feel it. I'm so sorry.

One of my adult kids doesn't call or send cards. I once mentioned that it hurts to not hear from him on special days. Now, at most, I get a short text.

They spend 2 weeks with his wife's family every Christmas and sometimes stop here for a couple of hours as they drive back to their home in another state...depending on weather.

It's taken MANY years to not crumble every birthday, Mother's Day, holiday. I'm always sad about it but have learned to handle it to some degree. I keep telling myself to accept what is and am surprised that mantra has helped a little over the years.

LindaSal · ‎05-15-2014

I wouldn't say anything. It's like crying over spilled milk. I'm sorry that your feelings are hurt but my adult kids forget mine at times, they may call a few days later and that's fine.

We're not 10 years old for Pete's sake. All this whining about hurt feelings and should I say something or not? Do what you will but seriously my kids both work hard, long hours. Half the time I don't think they even know what day it is. I'm just happy that they are successful adults and good people. Birthday's are not a big deal at this stage of the game, IMO.

All I know is if I have any type of castastrophy in my life they would be there in a heartbeat and that's good enough for me.

stevieb · ‎03-10-2010

@stevieb wrote:
@panda1234 Why let it fester. Pick up the phone and call him. When he answers tell him you just thought you'd call so he could wish you a happy birthday. He'll most likely get the message.

@panda1234 Did you call? I still think this is the way to go. Moreover, were it me, I'd try to handle this with a little humor. I think those urging confrontation are misreading the situation. Right or wrong, people shy away from people and situations that make them feel guilty. Giving him the opportunity to acknowledge the oversight, no matter how egregious it might seem, without serving a large helping of guilt will most likely effectively make the point that needs to be made.

In my pantry with my cupcakes...

hkrgrl · ‎03-13-2022

TBH, i think in today's tech world its pretty hard to forget a birthday.

you put in your contact list and it pops up each year.

that being said, i would be disappointed if one of my kids forgot, but luckily i haven't had that happen yet. but i am sure, down the road, when their lives get even busier, it might.

like another poster said: life happens, things slip through the cracks etc.

but if i needed them, they would come running. most important to me.

i sure as hell would not be passive aggressive and call him and say 'oh did you forget something?' ugh that is horrible and i strive everyday not be 'that person'.

if you know deep down that he loves you, than let it go. no one is perfect. and most do not live up to our expectations. is it worth getting into a disagreement/argument?

MaverDaver · ‎06-28-2013

@panda1234

Karma. No excuse. Everyone is busy so you write things down as a reminder to yourself.

Daisy Sunflower · ‎10-26-2010

I wouldn't think anything of it if my kids forgot my birthday. No big deal -- I don't care about my birthday anymore.

We only made a big deal about birthdays when the kids were little.

If they were to say something about it later, I'd tell them that I didn't think anything of it and then change the subject. They have enough going on with work, etc. Why make them feel bad?