What to do about "supposed friend?" - Page 5

RetRN · ‎10-01-2013

@Bubby Mommy wrote:
Hello Ladies,

I am done with her. Like many of you said, you can only be taken advantage of if you yourself allow it. You know, she once said to me that she has wonderful friends because of "all the things they can do for her." Some cook, some bake, some sew, and some are always available to watch her kids for her. She continued, that her husband has terrible friends because none of them have any particular talents and can do nothing for him. If that is how she measures a friendship, I don't want to be on her list of "friends." It's sad how some people think and act.

That says it all! I would have nothing to do with her. Why "enable" a "user"? She sounds like an awful person.

Flyer98 · ‎09-22-2019

I think people who don't do a task themselves have no idea what they are asking of those that do. Your friend has probably seen a baking show where the pastries are produced with everything going smoothly and quickly.

I used to sew, paint & type. The tasks people asked me to do because "I was so good at it" blew my mind. But, I always told myself they probably didn't know what they were asking of me. As time went on, I just learned to say no.

JeanLouiseFinch · ‎10-03-2011

There are definitely givers and takers in this world. It doesn't take too long to figure out who is who.

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

I'm really out of touch. I might refuse the apples, but I wouldn't be insulted by it. I would be insulted if someone tried to pay me for gifts, maybe.

I am very straightforward with people, I am no doormat, but I am not easily insulted either.

AuntG · ‎03-09-2010

Could be off base, but I think she figured you'd be baking those great pies and wanted to be helpful. Yes, she is quite forward, no doubt about that. Of the advice I've seen here, I like giving her a lighthearted "hey, I'm not a personal baker" but then adding you'll be getting around to some baking soon and you'll make an apple pie for them.

spumoni99 · ‎02-16-2019

@Bubby Mommy wrote:
Hello Ladies,

I am done with her. Like many of you said, you can only be taken advantage of if you yourself allow it. You know, she once said to me that she has wonderful friends because of "all the things they can do for her." Some cook, some bake, some sew, and some are always available to watch her kids for her. She continued, that her husband has terrible friends because none of them have any particular talents and can do nothing for him. If that is how she measures a friendship, I don't want to be on her list of "friends." It's sad how some people think and act.

I would ask what does she do for her friends!

cindyNC · ‎08-01-2019

@Bubby Mommy Oh my goodness what a situation to be in. Please let us know her reaction.

I had a neighbor in my first apartment complex who was planning her wedding which was to take place in her apartment. We did things together occasionally.

She showed up at my door one day to tell me that she was asking people to bring food for her wedding and had a list for me. I declined. It was pretty funny as I hadn't been invited to the wedding. The night before the wedding, she again knocked on my door to invite me. I was not available to attend. LOL

occasionalrain · ‎03-10-2010

Did she asked you to make her a pie?

Has any other recipient of your baking brought you ingredients or returned the favor?

I assume you get a good feeling from pleasing others and enjoy impressing them with your baking.

I don't know that her intent was to obligate you to bake her a pie unless she requested it.

That she has other friends who do favors for her, doesn't prove she's a user. Just as she provided apples, flour...in return for your gift of pies, it would seem likely she does the same for her other friends.

BoopOMatic · ‎06-08-2021

@Bubby Mommy wrote:
I have a "friend" that I've known for years. I, myself, love to bake and in fact, I bake all the time. In the past I have made homemade apple pies, and I brought one over to my friend as a gift. She and her family loved it, and I'm glad they enjoyed it. However, now she expects me to bake pies for her all the time. The other day, she rang my bell with her 8 year old daughter and when I opened the door she handed me a huge bag of apples and a sack of flour and sugar and says: "It's that time of year again!!!!" Then her kid hands me a "gift" of some cutesy, but inexpensive earrings, I guess as a "thank you" for providing them with home baked apple pies. This really annoyed me. When I bake and I give gifts of my cooking to family and frineds, I do it because I WANT to. I don't like being TOLD to bake. Baking takes a lot of time and I think it is very presumptuous of this woman to expect me to be a personal baker for her. What to do? I can explain to her that while I am happy she enjoys my pies, I cannot be expected to make pies at her behest; I am not a bakery. She is obviously a taker. I have had enough. That will probably be the end of any so-called friendship; but that's really not the worst thing. By the way, that's not the only nonsense she has pulled. I have also baked Italian cookies at Christmastime, and after I brought a big basket of cookies to her family I got "critiqued." I was told they loved the cookies, but would prefer that if the next time I make them, to leave off the sprinkles(????). A lot of nerve, and I'm being kind with that description.

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Sounds like there's a history there.
Considering that you've made food before and presented it to her entire family, maybe that's why she expected you'd be happy to make pies?
Personally, I wouldn't give the ingredients away.
I would text her, tell her the ingredients are on the porch and she can pick it up anytime as I'm getting out of the unpaid baking business.

Lilysmom1 · ‎11-08-2020

What @ECBG said. Only I would not give her the ingredients, just the recipe.

@Bubby Mommy , I am not a fan of sweets but my DH is and I bake for him all the time even though I don't care for the sweets. Her reaction tells me she is probably not a very good cook but why would she expect you to do it for her? She must have loved your pie! LM