Wedding dilemma - Page 6

libbyannE · ‎10-27-2010

You are making an issue of nothing, since I assume the bride's family is paying for the reception. I think something else is going on with you or your attitude. Why make a fuss?

CelticCrafter · ‎03-09-2010

@panda1234wrote:
@Big Joaniewrote:
All I know is this wedding stuff has gotten way way out of control .....
@Big Joanie I have just one word "elopement". I heard they even do packages now.

I keep telling my daughter it's really okay if that's what she wants to do, we will even provide the ladder!

Karie2022 · ‎03-26-2010

So they want you to invite your friends and you pay for it so it won’t be lopsided?? Most weddings are lopsided, my wedding had way more on my hubbys side than my side as we are a smaller family...also I never heard of a fair well breakfast, but I’m sure a lot has changed in the 22 years we were married. Unfortunately all the financials should have been hashed out initially...

Take time every day to enjoy where you are without a need to fix it

pigletsmom · ‎11-21-2011

@panda1234

Sounds to me that the bride's family is paying for the reception but I would certainly double check with your son to make sure you aren't blindsided.

That being said I wouldn't let my son invite these people.He doesn't even know them. I would they think that they know a lot of these people will decline since they don't even know the couple. But they could send a check to save face because they don't want to insult you. Even though you had nothing to do with it.

Dont' give the information. If you're inviting someone to your wedding you should at least be close enough to know their address. People have lost their minds. Can't imagine going to a wedding and having to introduce myself to the bride AND groom..

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

There seems to be a huge communication problem between the two families.

I'm not understanding how the responsibilty for some things was divided up without talking about exactly who would be paying for what. It seems to me that a conversation like that is way overdue because clearly there's confusion.

It sounds as though the bride's family is trying to be kind and generous. I don't think they care about the wedding "looking" unbalanced. No one at a wedding counts the guests to see who is there for the bride and who is there for the groom I think they realize that most of the guests are their family and friends, and they want the OP to know that more of her family and friends can be included too. I could be wrong, but it sounds to me as though they intend to pay for these guests. Maybe they had expected a longer guest list from the OP and have budgeted for it. So they're being nice.

If the OP doesn't want to invite anyone else, then she should thank them nicely and say that there's no one else she wants to include. "Thank you so much, but we're very happy with the guests we've already chosen."

This is only a dilemma because communication has fallen by the wayside. Everything could be cleared up easily by simply talking to each other rather than guessing, not being sure, and assuming. They have no way of knowing the OP's reasons for not wanting to add more guests. Also, the financial aspect of the entire thing really needs to be discussed sooner rather than later.

(And as for large, expensive weddings being more likely to result in divorce (as several posters have said), that's ridiculous. I had a large, beautiful, expensive wedding, as did most of my friends and family. Nearly every couple I know who got married back then in that way are still together and happy many decades later. Two of those couples just had large, lavish weddings for their own daughters last month. Large weddings aren't for everyone, but to each his own! Anyone who doesn't want a big, blow-out wedding shouldn't have one. But there's no need to denigrate the marriages of those who choose to do so. The size/cost of a wedding has nothing at all to do with the success of the marriage.)

panda1234 · ‎04-27-2015

@Hoovermomwrote:
@panda1234: I know what you are saying about you know your son and he could care less about inviting these people. My son's role is to make his new bride to be happy, and I am trying to let him do that. My role is stepping aside and letting them do their thing. I am happy that your son is trying to make his wife to be happy even if that is not who you think he is. I feel like I am rambling here but I know what I am trying to say. My DS is now making his own family, and I am trying to give him his wings.

@Hoovermom You are a good mom and you are right about giving him his wings. My role is different now and I have to remember that. Thank you for your words of wisdom.

panda1234 · ‎04-27-2015

@pigletsmomwrote:
@panda1234
Sounds to me that the bride's family is paying for the reception but I would certainly double check with your son to make sure you aren't blindsided.

That being said I wouldn't let my son invite these people.He doesn't even know them. I would they think that they know a lot of these people will decline since they don't even know the couple. But they could send a check to save face because they don't want to insult you. Even though you had nothing to do with it.

Dont' give the information. If you're inviting someone to your wedding you should at least be close enough to know their address. People have lost their minds. Can't imagine going to a wedding and having to introduce myself to the bride AND groom..

@pigletsmom We got invited to two weddings where we didn't know the bride and groom.......awarkward. We didn't go, just sent a check. A year later we received a thank you note from one of them, I had no idea who these people were. People have lost their minds.

panda1234 · ‎04-27-2015

@NYC Susanwrote:
There seems to be a huge communication problem between the two families.

I'm not understanding how the responsibilty for some things was divided up without talking about exactly who would be paying for what. It seems to me that a conversation like that is way overdue because clearly there's confusion.

It sounds as though the bride's family is trying to be kind and generous. I don't think they care about the wedding "looking" unbalanced. No one at a wedding counts the guests to see who is there for the bride and who is there for the groom I think they realize that most of the guests are their family and friends, and they want the OP to know that more of her family and friends can be included too. I could be wrong, but it sounds to me as though they intend to pay for these guests. Maybe they had expected a longer guest list from the OP and have budgeted for it. So they're being nice.

If the OP doesn't want to invite anyone else, then she should thank them nicely and say that there's no one else she wants to include. "Thank you so much, but we're very happy with the guests we've already chosen."

This is only a dilemma because communication has fallen by the wayside. Everything could be cleared up easily by simply talking to each other rather than guessing, not being sure, and assuming. They have no way of knowing the OP's reasons for not wanting to add more guests. Also, the financial aspect of the entire thing really needs to be discussed sooner rather than later.

(And as for large, expensive weddings being more likely to result in divorce (as several posters have said), that's ridiculous. I had a large, beautiful, expensive wedding, as did most of my friends and family. Nearly every couple I know who got married back then in that way are still together and happy many decades later. Two of those couples just had large, lavish weddings for their own daughters last month. Large weddings aren't for everyone, but to each his own! Anyone who doesn't want a big, blow-out wedding shouldn't have one. But there's no need to denigrate the marriages of those who choose to do so. The size/cost of a wedding has nothing at all to do with the success of the marriage.)

@NYC Susan You are right, this should have been discussed from the beginning. What I regret is not just giving them a check for what we could afford and calling it a day.

I did not mean to offend anyone by saying in my circle of friends the big weddings didn't seem to last. That was just my observation of the people I know. You are right about the size and cost impacting the success of the marriage.

haddon9 · ‎03-09-2010

@Karie2022wrote:
So they want you to invite your friends and you pay for it so it won’t be lopsided?? Most weddings are lopsided, my wedding had way more on my hubbys side than my side as we are a smaller family...also I never heard of a fair well breakfast, but I’m sure a lot has changed in the 22 years we were married. Unfortunately all the financials should have been hashed out initially...

@Karie2022 . I also never heard of a "farewell breakfast" (more for someone retiring). It's usually just a nice brunch for those who came out of town and stayed over.

panda1234 · ‎04-27-2015

@Karie2022wrote:
So they want you to invite your friends and you pay for it so it won’t be lopsided?? Most weddings are lopsided, my wedding had way more on my hubbys side than my side as we are a smaller family...also I never heard of a fair well breakfast, but I’m sure a lot has changed in the 22 years we were married. Unfortunately all the financials should have been hashed out initially...

@Karie2022 Yes, many things have changed since I got married 35 years ago, you would be very surprised.