Wedding dilemma - Page 3

panda1234 · ‎04-27-2015

@chrystaltree family is invited and we can not afford the extra people on top of what we already will be paying. I don't know what exactly my son is paying for. All of us never sat down and talked about this which was a big mistake. The bride wanted this expensive venue and parents said ok.

panda1234 · ‎04-27-2015

@akaburtonfanwrote:
Call me cynical but my first thought was maybe they want you to add people to even it out so that then they can ask you to split the cost of the reception.

@akaburtonfan YES, my thoughts exactly. They are a very nice family and their daughter is everything you would want in a daughter. I understand they want to do this for her but I did not have a big wedding and I don't believe in them.

panda1234 · ‎04-27-2015

@hendersonwrote:
Please clarify: if you invite your extra guests, will you be paying or the bride's family?
@panda1234wrote:
This could be long so I am only going to give you the cliff notes. Son is getting married,huge wedding......her side 155 guests, our side 45. We are paying for flowers, rehearsal dinner, fair well breakfast the next morning (50 people at each) and half of the shower. (60 people). This wedding is expensive, $150 per person. My husband and I have several friends who are not on the list due to the fact we are not paying and the cost. Brides family keeps pushing us to invite these people so it is not so lopsided, we said no, in a nice way. Well, my son is asking for addresses of our friends, after we said no. I see this as not honoring our wishes. How would you nicely handle this?

@henderson that is a good question since we never discussed any of this. I would feel that we would or should pay.

stevieb · ‎03-10-2010

With all due respect, you don't feel he's honoring your wishes, but is it possible he feels you aren't honoring his... and isn't it his wedding...?

Were you expected to ante up more than you're willing, which is a very legitimate factor, then simply tell him so. If, on the other hand, the bride's parents are willing to over-pay for this event, as so many throwing weddings clearly do, then cost becomes less of a factor.

In my pantry with my cupcakes...

panda1234 · ‎04-27-2015

@Abrowneyegirlwrote:
As someone who got married in the last 10 years I would not call this a "huge" or an "expensive" wedding.
We paid for our own wedding and we invited who we wanted to.

Simple solution- Cap your contribution to whatever it is now, nicely explain this to the bride and groom and had them a check and your address book. If they want to invite another 50 or even 100 guests it will not be on your dime. But, it may make them happy to have the control over the guest list.

@Abrowneyegirl We are of modest means and to us this is a lot of money. It could have been done for less and still be very nice.

I do like your solution, wish I had posted this sooner.....I would have just given them a check. We already committed to rehearsal dinner, farewell breakfast, flowers and half of the shower.

Peaches McPhee · ‎04-19-2010

@panda1234, with all due respect, the answer of who is paying for the extra people is still not answered or settled. This needs to be part of your discussion with your son and DIL-to-be.

Making a decision now, based on what may or may not happen, is pointless.

-- pro-aging --

Rochester, New York

panda1234 · ‎04-27-2015

@steviebwrote:
With all due respect, you don't feel he's honoring your wishes, but is it possible he feels you aren't honoring his... and isn't it his wedding...?

Were you expected to ante up more than you're willing, which is a very legitimate factor, then simply tell him so. If, on the other hand, the bride's parents are willing to over-pay for this event, as so many throwing weddings clearly do, then cost becomes less of a factor.

@stevieb You are right, it is his wedding and I keep reminding myself of that. These extra people are friends of mine and my husband, some he has never met or seen in the past eight or more years. To me it looks like a gift grab and I don't want that.

panda1234 · ‎04-27-2015

@Peaches McPheewrote:
@panda1234, with all due respect, the answer of who is paying for the extra people is still not answered or settled. This needs to be part of your discussion with your son and DIL-to-be.

Making a decision now, based on what may or may not happen, is pointless.

@Peaches McPhee We do need to sit down with him and talk about this.

panda1234 · ‎04-27-2015

@kitcat51wrote:
If the only reason you're not inviting your friends is the cost to the bride's family then give your son the addresses... you're not in charge of their budget. I don't like that your wishes aren't being respected & your NO can't be the end of it....you're getting a glimpse of what the future holds.

@kitcat51 thank you, I feel like I have been overridden. It is their budget but my son does not know some of these people or has not seen them in several years.

panda1234 · ‎04-27-2015

@Kitlynnwrote:
I would just be honest and very nicely say that you don't want to invite any more guest and that the cost is skyrocketing. I think a lot of people are afraid to speak up because they don't want to come across as rude or non caring. Then they are so in debt or they have spent so much money that they didn't plan on it just ends up causing hard feelings in the long run. I personally think weddings are completely out of hand these days and everyone goes overboard when a really nice wedding would work just as well with the same results.

@Kitlynn totally agree with you.