Wedding dilemma

panda1234 · ‎04-27-2015

This could be long so I am only going to give you the cliff notes. Son is getting married,huge wedding......her side 155 guests, our side 45. We are paying for flowers, rehearsal dinner, fair well breakfast the next morning (50 people at each) and half of the shower. (60 people). This wedding is expensive, $150 per person. My husband and I have several friends who are not on the list due to the fact we are not paying and the cost. Brides family keeps pushing us to invite these people so it is not so lopsided, we said no, in a nice way. Well, my son is asking for addresses of our friends, after we said no. I see this as not honoring our wishes. How would you nicely handle this?

Skyegirl21 · ‎03-20-2010

Wedding planning can be soooo troublesome and prickly. It’s crazy to me since it’s really so uminportatnt in the B & G s lifetime together. The divorce rate is ridiculous.

I guess the brides family are trying to be nice, it’s best to see it that way.

If you are someone who wants to confront the issue, tell your son in the sweetest voice, “ thank you but the guests list we have already provided is suitable for us”.

Or if you’re someone who’d rather not confront, ignore the issue, and simply send no further lists, he’ll realize himself eventually.

qualitygal · ‎10-04-2010

This is just me personally....is your son planning to pay for those others? You have enough costs going on. I had no idea weddings today cost this much. I'd have never done that. I'd have eloped first. Make it clear to him he pays for anyone he invites since your budget is already at an end. Hopefully he will understand. I'm sure someone else is pressuring him to go this extra mile. This way he can tell them that.

kelsey17 · ‎04-10-2012

I guess if he/his future in laws are willing to pay for the extra guests AND the extra cost that would come with the breakfast if more guests were added.....i would prob go along with it.............................there is no shame if you can't afford to chip in more..........and really i don't know of any wedding where the guests come and know which family paid for what or even inquire......they are too involved with the wedding and having a good time......

Carmie · ‎10-25-2010

Sounds like the brides family is paying for the expensive reception. If they and your son want to invite your friends, I would go for it. Why would you refuse? It’s not going to hurt your bottom line. And it will keep the peace. You are putting you and your son in a bad place by refusing the offer. Some people consider a refusal of an offer like this a slap in the face. I know my family would and it would not be forgotten.

If there is some other personal reason you don’t want these “ friends” to be invited, then explain and leave them out. Perhaps your son can invite a few of his friends to even out the sides.

Even though the wedding is expensive, some people can afford it and don’t mind. My own wedding had over 500 there and my father probably would have invited more if we could have found a venue to hold them. I did not want this at all, but went along with it to please my father. He would have taken it personally if I refused and he would have hurt feelings.

haddon9 · ‎03-09-2010

I agree with Carmine. If they are willing to pay and would like you to include your friends then why wouldn't you add them?

kaydee50 · ‎02-07-2011

I don't quite understand. The bride's family is paying for the reception, your son wants to invite your friends, why wouldn't you?? They don't need to be invited to the events you're paying for--a farewell breakfast???? Also, it is the bride's day. Unless it means some undue financial stress for you--and I don't see it what way--give your son the addresses he wants.

NicksmomESQ · ‎08-19-2014

If the brides family is picking up the entire tab for these extra guests then invite them.If it’s going to cost you more money that you don’t have talk to your son.Tell him you can’t afford to impress his in laws, period.

These days a lot of couples pay for their own weddings.I raised my son.I bought him 2 cars, sent him to college & still buy him stuff to help him out until he graduates from law school.There is no way I’m paying for his wedding.I will give him a generous wedding gift but that’s it!! No guilt here.

P.S. DH & I were married over 37 years ago.We paid for our own wedding.We had a small one because we had no money. We’re still together.Most of our friends who had lavish country club affairs are divorced!! They also turned their noses up at us at the time for having a “cheap” wedding!!