Mom to Mom

[Nonametoday]

Oh, I think you are right in asking the Lord for his guidance. I would advise anyone involved in a life situation such as marriage, birth of a child, grandchild, divorce, terminal illness or any of these difficult situations to seek guidance.

I think it is wonderful you get in touch with Him. Acknowledge that you need Him. Confess that you might be prejudiced in your decision and ask that if you are, that He remove those prejudices from your heart and mind, thank Him for all the blessings you have and how He has blessed you in dealing with life issues and ask for guidance in this situation.

Pray for His will in your life and theirs. Some times there is just so much we can do. Try to have a happy heart and help her prepare for the wedding. It may be the hardest thing you ever did, but it could become a truly rewarding event. Just keep the faith and pray. You are not any different from any other mother who has had doubts about their son or daughter's prospective spouses. Many of us had doubts and many were confirmed. May God bless you and your family!

[dayari]

you are all such wonderful people and I read each post with joy knowing there is a sisterhood in the world. This boy may not be bad just not the right one and yes wanting to change someone is not easy, nor always right. My husband drank a lot and that was the only time we fought. I loved him but prayed he would change or I just couldn't stay married. He found out he had a serious heart problem and couldn't drink anymore. He changed unfortunately it took a life and death situation to do it. My daughter now knows how I feel and it will be difficult for me to feel otherwise. She is bright and knows what she has to do hopefully she will. I tell her about battered women and how the men always promise they will change and they sometimes do for a short time. I maybe making him out to be worse than he is but still scary. Thank you all for your thoughts...

[ROMARY]

Just read your latest update..........Your DD should really have a 'conversation' with her fiancé, telling him her concerns about their latest 'argument'. Just to see what he says, his reasoning, etc. Also, it wouldn't be a bad idea for both of them to visit a pastor, pre-marriage counselor, etc. Just so they can at least try to be 'on the same page'. Wishing them (and you) the best of luck.

[bbluvr]

Hi Dayari,

I experienced your post personally from your daughters point of view. My mother felt the same way and tried to tell me very carefully. Even the day of the wedding she gave me one more "out." She told me it is ok if I change my mind now or even going down the aisle. Not to late to turn back. We don't care about the money.

I married him anyway. And she was right.

I had to find my own way though. I am not a mother, but I feel for my niece who is about to get married. Nice guy but something is off. Nothing I can do though. It is her journey.

Praying is the best thing to do.

[SuziQ2]

Dayari, Please share your concerns with your daughter. We all have a blind spot when dating, and falling in love. Others around us see what we don't. We can be too close to the forest to see the trees. In 1971, my Mom wasn't real happy about the guy I was going to marry. She didn't say too much, but I knew it. Something happened and I cancelled the wedding, and went to college for a year. Then, we were going to get married the next year. One day while visiting at his parent's home, he physically hurt his Mother. He also grabbed my arm and hit it into the wall, scratching the face of my brand new beautiful watch. I demanded he take me to the bus stop as we were 1-1/2 hours from my house. Against my will, he ended up driving me home. Along the way, he confessed that he had lied to me about not having been with any other woman. That was a huge upset to me. Long story short....I called off my wedding and see now that I would not have been married to him very long. After the 2nd breakup, I found out that my Grandparents on both sides didn't like him either, but nobody told me.

A year later, I married another man, my parents both liked. He has been faithful, loved me thru good and bad. We need to listen to our parents and those around us to see what we don't. It can save a world of heartache. We just celebrated our 41st wedding anniversary.

[Boehm Collector]

My parents never liked my first husband. They did talk to me about their feelings (but my husband never knew my parents did not like him). In fact, the night before my wedding Mom sat me down and begged me to cancel the wedding. But of course I didn't because I loved the man. After the wedding, Mom and Dad accepted him into the family and treated him like a son. In hind sight how I wish I had listened to them. I knew after one month of marriage that I had made the biggest mistake of my life. I did not tell my parents how miserable I really was so as not to worry them. And being Catholic I didn't believe in divorce. We were married for 10 1/2 years. After he bled me dry financially, he was the one who left and he eventually filed for divorce. I remarried 10 years ago. My second husband is a wonderful man. My Dad passed away before my separation and divorce so obviously he never met my second husband. But Mom LOVED my DH and told me every day how lucky I was to have found such a wonderful, loving, caring, honest, hard-working man (everything my first husband wasn't). Mom and DH became very, very close. My DH always went out of his way to help Mom. She had to move in with us during the last year of her life. Not only did he never complain but he actually loved having her with us. And he always helped me take care of her any way he could. I think DH took Mom's death even harder than my brother. So I think it is important that you speak to your daughter about your apprehensions.

[Fiver]

After divorcing my husband almost two years ago, I've been shocked with how many people (including my parents and close friends) held their tongues about their intuitions that I was not intended to be with this man (my ex). I can admit now that I had my own doubts before marriage, but I thought, "doesn't everybody?". I take accountability for my actions, but I do wish someone would have stepped up to say something to me. I got married at 27... I thought I knew myself. Ten years later I can admit that I had a lot more to learn and it's been hard-earned. All that being said, if you have a more direct intervention in your daughter's relationship, expect emotional fireworks. If it's not meant to be, she'll understand eventually and I hope she'd thank you. Otherwise, I do believe in divine intervention... He has a plan for all of us.

[ROMARY]

I haven't read many of the latest posts.........I'm thinking that DD has to find out for herself. Maybe postpone having children for a few years, 'just to see' how her husband treats her day-to-day. How they get along, whether or not she is fairly happy, content in their marriage together.

[Tinkrbl44]

Dayari ..... Where are things at with you and your daughter?

[Boehm Collector]

On 9/14/2014 Fiver said: After divorcing my husband almost two years ago, I've been shocked with how many people (including my parents and close friends) held their tongues about their intuitions that I was not intended to be with this man (my ex). I can admit now that I had my own doubts before marriage, but I thought, "doesn't everybody?". I take accountability for my actions, but I do wish someone would have stepped up to say something to me. I got married at 27... I thought I knew myself. Ten years later I can admit that I had a lot more to learn and it's been hard-earned. All that being said, if you have a more direct intervention in your daughter's relationship, expect emotional fireworks. If it's not meant to be, she'll understand eventually and I hope she'd thank you. Otherwise, I do believe in divine intervention... He has a plan for all of us.

Same thing happened to me..... many of my friends told me that they had never liked my ex-husband until after we were divorced.