Mom to Mom

[Sebastian]

If you believe beyond question your child will be losing a better friend (you) than they will be gaining (person in question), have that discussion.

[ROMARY]

dayari: You are quite welcome! Please feel free to continue to post and/or start new discussions again in the future! And that song is lovely, indeed.

[Classique]

On 7/21/2014 dayari said:

I am so happy I didn't delete this whole post I am reading and listening to all your words and will follow your wisdom. Thank you for reaching out to someone you don't even know through your own experiences and life lessons. GOD BLESS.

IIRC, the song "Que, Sera, Sera" was a big hit circa 1957, sung by Doris Day in the movie "To Catch a Thief" but I might be wrong about this LOL so please feel free to correct me if so!

[Madame Lorrraine]

Listen to your instincts; God gave them to us for a reason. According to what you've told us, this man sounds all wrong for your daughter; very controlling, and it'll only get worse after marriage, not better.

I agree with the idea of pre-marital counseling. It could really open your daughter's eyes. And yes, not every engagement leads to marriage; I broke one engagement and now that I look back, I thank God that I did.

I haven't waded through all the replies so I don't know how you responded to the idea of trying to get to know this man better, but I think it's a good idea. Just be prepared, though, for your daughter's fiancée to interpret it as "meddling"; this is a real tightrope you're going to have to walk. Good luck and best wishes.

[terrier3]

On 7/21/2014 Sebastian said:

If you believe beyond question your child will be losing a better friend (you) than they will be gaining (person in question), have that discussion.

I don't believe the OP ever said she would stop contact with her daughter over this situation.

That would be very short sighted, IMO.

Her daughter is an adult. Mom did a great job raising her to BECOME an adult. Adults make their own decisions and live with their own consequences.

[Sebastian]

I don't believe I wrote the op wrote she would end the relationship.

Stop screaming.

[terrier3]

On 7/21/2014 Sebastian said:

I don't believe I wrote the op wrote she would end the relationship.

Stop screaming.

What did you mean then by ""losing a better friend"" (Mom)?

[Sebastian]

It is an adage, look it up, I am not doing your work.

[sparkygirl]

Dyari, your heart is probably correct about his character. You could always discuss it tactfully with your daughter, but I'm not sure it will make a difference.

As far as this thread, no one knows who you are (and you don't know them), and most people have supported you in one way or another. Don't worry about any negative commentary. You are bound to get all sorts of viewpoints when you post here...Relax... :-)

[pinkskates4]

dayari, does your daughter have a relationship with God? If so, you might ask her if she has asked Him about this relationship.

I say that from experience. I knew in my spirit that God did not want me to marry my first husband - I even sensed a very strong "Don't do this" command. I disregarded it. Circumstances caused us to have to postpone the wedding (God trying to help me?) and I again got the message "Do NOT do this." I did it anyway (Don't we always know better than God what is good for us? - Right)

I ended up in a battering relationship - which I did not see coming. His whole personality seemed to change one year into the marriage. He had problems on the job - took them out on me etc. etc.

I'm NOT saying this is true in your daughter's case. However, if you strongly feel God is warning you, I'd bet He is warning her as well. It's worth a discussion. But finally, the decision is hers.