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Occasional Contributor
Posts: 10
Registered: ‎02-22-2013

Long story short....my son got his girlfriend pregnant before we even knew she existed.  They got married and I threw a baby shower for her.  Lots of my family and friends came to support me and my son, only meeting her for the first and only time at the shower, and bought nice gifts.  It is now 2 months later, the baby is born, and there have been no thank you notes sent out.  I have told my son numerous times to get on it and get them sent. I even gave her thank you notes and all the shower guests addressed their own cards to simplify matters for her.  He has talked to her about it at least twice, if not 3 times.  Should I say something to her myself?  And how can I put it nicely without making her feel like I am criticizing her? 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 16,578
Registered: ‎03-11-2010

good luck

 

 

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,354
Registered: ‎11-24-2011

Re: Thank you notes

[ Edited ]

I don't know how you can do it without criticizing her because you will in fact be criticizing her and she does in fact need to be criticized for being so lame about it. I'd be ticked and probably say to her "I'm getting embarrassed about the fact that you haven't sent out one lousy thank you note to any of my family or friends for the baby gifts". The End.

 

Sooo, after reading the other replies I came back to edit my response and here it is.

When you see them together say "I'm getting embarrassed about the fact that NEITHER ONE OF YOU have taken the time to write and send out..............blah blah blah

Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,846
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

I've gotten thank you notes from my nephew and his wife a few times and to be honest I really don't know who wrote them...Perhaps your son could write them?  The gifts are just as much for the dad as they are for the mother of the baby.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,264
Registered: ‎03-15-2010

That's a hard decision.  You did everything you could.  I think it's very inconsiderate of her to put you in this position.  I guess thank you notes are a thing of the past, but I would like to think I'm wrong.

 

 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,960
Registered: ‎05-21-2010

Is there a reason why your son can't send the notes especialy to your family and friends? Often is just a matter of sitting down and starting. Maybe you could sit with him and help him get started writing a few at a time. A new baby takes up a lot of time and maybe the mother hasn't been encouraged by her parents to do this. No one really likes to wrtie thank you notes but it is important to thank everyone who gave a gift or flowers or a meal after the baby was born.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,407
Registered: ‎07-07-2010

@nelliegirl  Your son needs to step up and write them, not just because the presents were given to both of them, and not because it is the right thing to do, but also because he was taught to do so.  It is apparent that his wife was not.  While you might want to just step back and let it go, if you cannot, then sit down with both of them and explain the niceties of life.  You can even get them started on what to say, because sometimes that it really the problem.  

The next time that I hear salt and ice together, it better be in a margarita!
Honored Contributor
Posts: 30,918
Registered: ‎05-10-2010

Your son didn't GET her pregnant!  They were both there and assuming he didn't club her and attack her....they both had an equal part in what I assume was an unplanned pregnancy.  Why are you placing all the blame on HER.  It's his baby too, he should be capable of sending the thank you notes out if she can't or won't.  However, I would have handled differently.  I would have volunteered to do the thank you notes myself as a little gift to the new parents.  

Occasional Contributor
Posts: 10
Registered: ‎02-22-2013

In response to suggesting my son write them.  I agree.  However, the only excuse I can give for him is that he works 6 long days a week (10 hour days) as an attorney and has night court 1 night a week and she is a stay at home mom.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,206
Registered: ‎08-08-2011

@haddon9 wrote:

I've gotten thank you notes from my nephew and his wife a few times and to be honest I really don't know who wrote them...Perhaps your son could write them?  The gifts are just as much for the dad as they are for the mother of the baby.


I agree with @haddon9 that maybe your son could write them or you could even offer to help him (he could write the note and sign it, you could address the envelopes).  I know it’s hard but if that doesn’t work, you’ll have to let it go.  They are adults and there is no way to force them.