Mom to Mom

[hyacinth003]

I want to resign motherhood these days!

My daughter is 25. She lives with us as she cannot afford to move out - although she would love to!

I know what I want to say, but am having some trouble articulating it. She has been a "high maintenance child." She has had behavioral and emotional problems since early childhood. We saw our first child psychiatrist when she was 4. Her initial diagnosis was severe ADHD, but we always felt there was something else. At age 11, she was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome. Two psychiatric hospitalizations followed. She was in special education since preschool.

She has been treated for major depression and used to have what I called "rage attacks." I was the usual target for the rages. I had to spend a lot of time talking her down from the rages. We tried many different strategies and medications.

She is of above average intelligence, so that was never an issue. I pretty much tutored her through high school, as she just couldn't or wouldn't do her work in school. Her emotional status improved in her late teens. She even went to and graduated from college - it was NOT easy though!

She has finally gotten a part time job in a fast food restaurant. She has been lashing out at me again due to the stresses of it. She had a surgical procedure done last week and it has been tough with that.

I love her dearly. But I find myself really worn out sometimes. When she was a child, I made her my highest priority to do well. I have to admit I feel like I just am not up to it sometimes these days. And, of course, feel guilty for it.

Hyacinth