Mom to Mom

[beach-mom]

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@sfnative wrote:

@beach-mom 

Dear beach-mom,

I am so very sorry this is happening to your daughter, especially at this time.  Having read 2 or 3 replies, I stopped, because they were all negative and I don't believe that is warranted in all cases.  Here my opinion, for what it's worth.  (I do have a nearly 40 year background in healthcare, which includes a stint as an RN, Administrator and Head of surgical training at a major medical military training command.)

Here's my take.  If I were in your shoes I'd first make as assessment of my state's morbidity (infection statistics) and mortality (death) rate.  Also, take a look at "The COVID Tracking Project," which has a map of the U.S., with the states colored in shades of red and pink according to density of infection and death rates.  You're probably already familiar with this.  If not, if can be found daily on the Fox News website and I find it very helpful, because if you input your zip code, you can get your state's statistics.  For example, I live in Oregon, so right now we have 2,059 sick with the virus and 78 have died thus far.  These numbers are not at all bad.  I wouldn't hesitate to allow my daughter visit her friend for a visit and huge hugs, under these circumstances.

You really need to have a decent grip on your local/county numbers.  Once you have these in hand, you can make an informed decision.  If you live in New York, hands down my answer would be "No."  Just do some homework and please don't take all of the negative answers here be your guide.

This infection rate pales in comparison to what I went through in the Fall of '68 and Spring of '69.  The infection numbers were astronomical and deaths caused by pneumonia really stacked up - absolutely dwarfing what's occurring now.  This is not meant to sway your decision.  It's meant to bring things into clearer view, as the public's present view of this virus has been swayed by many factors I am unable to display here.

Please sit down with your daughter and make this an opportunity for both of you to come to a conclusion together.  Let this not fall on your shoulders alone.

God Bless you both with a good and fair outcome.

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@sfnative - Thank you so much for your kind answer to me, and the advice I can certainly use! My daughter is one of the most caring people you would ever meet, and I was sad that people might have thought otherwise. At the time in this suburban area the numbers were increasing each day, along with fatalities,  including at least one 26-year old EMT who had no pre-existing conditions. There were also some in their 40's. The local news publishes the ages and the reason. I saw a lot saying "community exposure."She asked my advice on how to say goodbye, and we discussed this. I wasn't much help - I was in favor of pulling in the driveway and waving. I think the solution I posted above that the girls came up with was perfect. In the picture you can see the contractor's measuring tape her friend used to separate the tables! She came home thinking she had been able to say goodbye, even though the party all the friends had planned didn't happen. DD was the only one in the group that got to see her "in person." They are planning time together this summer when they are able, and tonight I got to share in their regular Face Time for the first time! They still text each other a lot.

Again, thank you for your reply. It meant a lot! (((HUGS))) - "virtual" of course! 

[speedy girl]

It's not worth the risk. I would just wave from the top of the driveway, if I did anything at all. Now is not the time to take any risks. It's really for their own good. 

[sfnative]

@beach-mom 

This is really happy news.  I'm so pleased that your daughter had the opportunity for a "near encounter," which, I know, means so very much.  (I know, I really do know, because I lost my 4 best friends some years ago within 18 months of each other and was devastated for years, because each was a case where I was unable to say good-bye, or at least communicate my sentiments.  Each experience was totally wretched.)

With the summer ahead, your daughter and her friends should be planning the party of their lives.  I can only imagine how much fun they're going to have.  There is nothing like a girl party.  Believe me, we know how to party and I'm sure your daughter and her friends will have a blast! 

[stargazergal]

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@Mz iMac wrote:

Is this a sick joke?  WT...????

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???  Is what a sick joke ?

[PamfromCT]

I am glad your DD found a resolution to this issue.

Like it or not, times have changed.  My DD had this virus early on and successfully recovered at home.  We had to wait eleven (yes 11) days for her diagnosis.  My DH and I are in the high risk age and are very careful.  We see our family, all masked, and at a respectful distance.  We have not even hugged our two GC for many months.

Is it a bummer?  Of course.  What keeps us going is the thought it won’t be forever this way.  We have to protect ourselves and protect others.  My little GD (2nd grade) said, 

“Mimi, my mask is not for me.  It is to protect you.”  Oh, the wisdom and kindness of small children.

[SuhseK]

I understand the concern, it's justified, of course.

Aside from being diabetic, is your husband generally healthy? You say he goes into his office and works a couple of days a week.  I have a 67 year old Aunt, who is a type 2 diabetic, and a 10 year colon cancer survivor.  She's healthy, and has worked full time, she's a hotel manager, during the pandemic.  

Scary as this virus is, the rate of infection, is actually very low.  

How about a mask wearing, carefully socially distanced visit? No touching, definitely, no hugging. Keep the visit short.   It would still be a chance, for an in person, goodbye.

It sounds like everyone involved, has been practicing caution, in their daily lives; I'd guess the risk is pretty low, with such a visit.  

But, you have to decide.  

[SuhseK]

Clearly, I didn't look at dates. 😉

Glad it worked out. 

[lovesrecess]

We just sent two grandkids off to college...all we could do was “air hugs” from about twenty feet apart.

[KarenQVC]

This thread is a reminder of how optimistic we all were just a few months ago. Now, 180,000 later....well, let's see in another year.