Mom to Mom

[BohemianGal]

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@henderson wrote:

I had two sons at age 25 and age 30.  I'm almost 70.  I didn't want any more than that.  I'm sad because I will never be a grandmother.  Our youngest son passed away from a rare form of cancer on 12/10/10 at age 33.  He was married without children.  Our oldest son age 44 just got engaged to a wonderful woman who is 47 and has a 13 yr old.  This will be his first marriage and of course they don't want any more children, which I completely understand.  If he were marrying a much younger woman that might be possible.  You should be happy to have 2 children.  If your oldest is 19 it may not be long before you'll be a grandmother!  Everyone I know loves being a grandma as they can spoil the child and send them home. 

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@henderson..

First, let me extend my deepest sympathy to you for the loss of your youngest son. I am so very sorry for your loss.  It's surely every mother's worst nightmare..to lose a child, regardless of age, etc.  My heart goes out to you my dear.

When I married at age 21, my husband and I wanted to have 3 children.  However, I became ill only months after our wedding, and it took me 7 years before i had my first and only child (a son), which I consider to be a miracle.!!  I have been chronically sick for 35 years, (my son is now 27), and although I would love nothing more then to be a grandmother, I am grateful that I was gifted with the experience of being a mother.  I never felt "cheated" that I couldn't have more children, but blessed that I had one healthy child.  My husband feels the same. Also, as years passed, I realized that one child was really all we could handle. as my beautiful son was quite a "handful" and I am one who tends to "worry", as does my husband.  I can't even imagine having to raise another 2 children and all the added concerns and worries it would have brought...Having one child turned out Perfectly!!

As for being a grandmother, I'm sorry that you don't see that happeing in your future, and feel sad about that.  I'm not sure if I will be a grandmother someday or not, although I hope to.  My son is a "late bloomer" and isn't ready to "settle down" anytime soon as he is just beginning his career, and not financially albe to support a child.  

If your son is engaged to a wonderful woman with a 13 year old son, perhaps you could take on the role of being another "Grandmother", or develop a "special" relationship with him in some capacity.  That would be wonderful!!

[CJC]

I have 3 children, the youngest of whom is married but will never be a parent.  My brother is divorced without having had children.  I worry about both of them.  I think one of the sadest things is growing old alone.  Parents, grandparents, any siblings, a spouse--all deceased, and you are left all alone in your very old age with no one to give a care.  It's one thing to decide to be child-free when you are young, or to have that choice made for you---it's quite another thing when you're old and lonely.

[blackhole99]

I don't miss anything about fertility, I have one grown son and no grand children which I do not miss. The way things are today if I was just starting out I would no doubt opt not to start a family.

[CJC]

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@blackhole99 wrote:

I don't miss anything about fertility, I have one grown son and no grand children which I do not miss. The way things are today if I was just starting out I would no doubt opt not to start a family.

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Maybe you don't miss grandkids because you don't have any?  Just sayin'.  I never missed having grandchildren before they were born -- now I can't imagine life without my 3, and I wish I had more.

I know these aren't the best of times, and I long for those good old days, but I think that if I could go back in time to my 1968 marriage, I would still choose to have a child.

[juliamaria]

What did that woman mean when she said that you did not want to share your children?  That does not make sense, and surely seemed like a heartless thing to say. hmmm

[Candyapple]

I'm sorry but I don't see any reason for you to be sad. All children grow up, God willing. Be grateful and thankful you were blessed with two children. Many people have none at all.

If you really want another child, consider adoption, as I did. I couldn't love my child more, had I'd given birth to her myself! She's my world.

[Hayfield]

I was blessed with two beautiful, healthy children who are now 27 and 31 and I'm thrilled they're grown and on their own and I never once thought about my fertility ending, just the opposite, I was thrilled!  

[qualitygal]

Just wait.................you might have some grandchildren in your future. It may seem early to think of that, but it maybe in your next chapters of life. You sound like you have two lovely children, who were loved and cared for. You've done your job. Next comes the grammy, grandma, nanna, whatever you decide you want them to call you. The best is yet to be for you. So are the days of our lives. (Remember that one?)

[DowntonAbbey]

Even though my son and I are so much alike I miss him being gone since 2011, I know we have fought but as he gets older he will see that I am getting older and he will for sure love me more.  Funny his wife does not like me and he was so happy and in love with his mother in law but after she came and stayed with them for 6 months and just left she hates my son. HE said MOM she hates me and I just laughed and said REALLY how does it feel son and he said NO SO GOOD so I told my wife for he to get the hewll out and I said son that is your mother in law try and respect her.........we reap what we sow always on earth and I wish she liked him but he is hard and she and I get along great as I stayed three weeks with them last year while she ws there and I enjoyed her even though she speaks very little english mothers just know. she said as much as she could YOUR SON HE ONLY GO TO SCHOOL MY DAUGHTER HAS TWO BABIES AND WORKS AND YOUR SON HE PLAY GAME ALL DAY.........I said YES WE TRIED TO TELL YOUR DAUTHER THAT.........but my son is a good dad as he loves his baby girls and gives them so much love and attentioin I am so proud of him. And my Jasmine loves her COCO and when she hears my voice she says COCOOOOOOOOO   lol  I love her more than life more than life my son said MOM you are going to have to love the new baby, well I will one day but now she just screams and only her mother can hold her and her dad and I can't feed her or hold her but one day she and I will smile together. But Jasmine is my breath.

[DowntonAbbey]

I am so sorry you did not have children but I want women to know that having a child does not make you complete always or feel like a woman. First off I don't think children should come into the world we have now, it is bad and it is not fair to bring a child into the world for a parent to have someone to play with and be proud life is tough and bad things happen no matter how much you love them bad things can happen and it can be such a blessing not to have a child. They can be in trouble get on drugs have a disase and then to see you child die, that is the worst as my friend just suddenly lost her only son 27.........nothing will ever make her feel better so you can enjoy children and watch them and do for them but they are not for everyone and really I was never mother material as I did not GET IT.  I was a great mother but a bad parent and my son is right  I love him and did not punish him and stick with it and he said to me MOM you are the greatest mom to give me and love me but the worst parent and I was....... I did not think I should spank him and I let him rule the house and well I did not know how to be a parent but I loved him and still do.