Reply
Honored Contributor
Posts: 13,912
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Question About A Wedding Gift

Do you give a gift if you are invited to a wedding ceremony but not the reception? I've never faced this before, and neither have any of my close friends. I've known the bride since she was a young girl though church. Her mother issued a general invitation to everyone in our congregation - I did not get a separate one - to the wedding ceremony.

 

I know most of you will tell me to do what my heart tells me, but I'd just like to know if anyone else has been in this situation. DH will be away, and I will have to cancel another engagement to attend. I'm actually wondering if I should go. Also, I have two other weddings coming up this spring and summer, and showers to go with them. It can get costly! What do you all think? 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 20,019
Registered: ‎08-08-2010

Re: Question About A Wedding Gift

I'm not much of one for weddings, and definitely not Emily Post, but I find it odd for anyone to invite people to the wedding only. Kind of like they are being cheap or something.

 

If it were me, I'd not go out of my way for this. I never feel obligated to attend weddings or send gifts if I don't go, unless it is people I'm really close to.

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,818
Registered: ‎06-21-2015

Re: Question About A Wedding Gift

I'm not sure I understand your questions.  I think normally if you are invited to the ceremony, it's a given you stay for the reception.  But what I  understand the brides mother invited the whole  congregation to the reception, but you didn't get an invitation to the ceremony.  I would go with your other plans. If you want to give a gift, I  would  just drop one of at the house and tell them you can't make it. Sounds like to me she will be getting enough gifts anyway.

Occasional Contributor
Posts: 8
Registered: ‎04-16-2015

Re: Question About A Wedding Gift

No gift is necessary unless you choose to give one.

When I married, I had a tray of cookies with the church invitation  displayed at my workplace for anyone who wished to be at the ceremony in church--not the reception. I did not expect gifts.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 32,486
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Question About A Wedding Gift


@beach-mom wrote:

Do you give a gift if you are invited to a wedding ceremony but not the reception? I've never faced this before, and neither have any of my close friends. I've known the bride since she was a young girl though church. Her mother issued a general invitation to everyone in our congregation - I did not get a separate one - to the wedding ceremony.

 

 


That's not a real invitation.  If you are not invited to any showers or the reception, you are not at all obligated to give a gift.  If you want to give one, make it a small gift or a small gift card with a congratulatory greeting card.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,660
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Question About A Wedding Gift


@Sooner wrote:

@beach-mom wrote:

Do you give a gift if you are invited to a wedding ceremony but not the reception? I've never faced this before, and neither have any of my close friends. I've known the bride since she was a young girl though church. Her mother issued a general invitation to everyone in our congregation - I did not get a separate one - to the wedding ceremony.

 

 


That's not a real invitation.  If you are not invited to any showers or the reception, you are not at all obligated to give a gift.  If you want to give one, make it a small gift or a small gift card with a congratulatory greeting card.

 

 

ITA.  A general verbal invitation to a wedding does not constitute a "real" invitation.  As such you are certainly not obligated to give a gift unless you really want to and even then a small ($25.00 range)  would more than suffice.


 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,295
Registered: ‎03-27-2010

Re: Question About A Wedding Gift

A "general invitation" is a catch all for your invited if you want to come.  This is not a specific invite.  Odd, because you indicate a long term relationship.  I would think good thoughts, wish her well and let it go unless your heart leads you to make a different decision.  There certainly is no obligation/responsibility with this type of invite.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 13,912
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Question About A Wedding Gift

Thanks everyone! I certainly understand why they can't have everyone at the reception. She has a large family, and we are not close, close friends.

 

When DH and I were married, we were faced with a similar problem. We both worked with a lot of people. But we understood we couldn't invite them all. It was everyone, or no one. I really wanted to invite a few I was pretty close to, but then when do you stop. And would that have been fair to the people DH worked with? Two of them were two of his three groomsmen! As much as I hated to do it, we had a small family/close friends wedding, with no co-workers except for DH's groomsmen. Back then I'd never heard of inviting people to the wedding only. Our co-workers were wonderful and understanding, and some of them did give us gifts. 

 

I think I'll send a card with a small gift card inside, and since DH can't go with me, I probably will keep my original plans. Thanks again for your advice! Smiley Happy

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,651
Registered: ‎03-26-2010

Re: Question About A Wedding Gift

I was invited to a wedding ceremony, then given a time on the invitation to attend the later in the evening wedding dance, not the dinner reception.  I do understand dealing with costs, and many people leave after dinner rather than stay for the dance.  However, I had mixed feelings because some people at work were invited to the dinner reception as well as the dance.  I chose to skip the whole thing, and did not send a gift.  Our relationship at worked changed after that because she was angry with the people that did not attend because of her abbreviated version of an invitation.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,443
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Question About A Wedding Gift


@mac116 wrote:

I was invited to a wedding ceremony, then given a time on the invitation to attend the later in the evening wedding dance, not the dinner reception.  I do understand dealing with costs, and many people leave after dinner rather than stay for the dance.  However, I had mixed feelings because some people at work were invited to the dinner reception as well as the dance.  I chose to skip the whole thing, and did not send a gift.  Our relationship at worked changed after that because she was angry with the people that did not attend because of her abbreviated version of an invitation.


I totally get getting invited to the ceremony only but to be invited to the ceremony, then come after dinner is served to dance??  I would've skipped the whole thing, in this case I think they were looking for a gift.  I am totally amazed at the nerve of people today.  Of course she was angry, she wanted the gift.  When I got married we invited family & close friends that we wanted to attend to share our happiness.  Yes, you get gifts but that's not the main reason we invited them.   A friend of mine's daughter got married last fall, I've met her daughter and I wasn't invited to the wedding but I bought her a wedding gift because I wanted to because she was the daughter of a friend.  I totally understand you can't invite everyone, weddings are expensive.  I guess I'm lucky, I've only been invited to weddings of family or close friends.