Mom to Mom

[Imadickens]

Annabellethecat: I was a child of the 50/60's! Times really were so different then weren't they! I had a very protective mother but we all still would go out to play after breakfast, come back when we were hungry and go back out until dinner. I don't think any parent knew for sure where we were! But, we got lots of exercise riding bikes and playing ball, and our lungs were full of fresh air! When we bathed at night the tubs were full of dirt! And, boy, did we sleep well! My parents taught me about strangers. I remember a time a car stopped and gold us they had lots of puppies and wanted to show us! For some reason we all ran home! Now, I imagine if we had gone up to the car they most likely would have exposed themselves! There were at least 4 teenage boys in the car so I doubt they wanted to abduct us! My biggest (irrational) fear was someone would take my dd before she was old enough to understand, and tell her that it was ok with me that they were hurting her! I also hate that strangers aren't the only thing we have to worry about! Practicing for an active shooter breaks my heart, too! We used to have to practice air raid drills during the Cuban Missle Crisis! We also practiced sitting in the hall facing lockers with our arms over our heads in case of severe weather!

I know the Internet has done a lot for society, but I also think it has been the worst thing that has happened to our children! Besides child pornography, bullies now have some anonymity, and girls give too much info and end up in bad situations. It's virtually impossible to protect our kids from everything! I plan on talking to my dd again about keeping her safe, although I'm not sure it will help. I thought I was over sleepless nights when my kids got married! Little did I know it was just beginning! It's so much worse now because I don't have anything to say about it!

[on the bay]

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@Ms X wrote:

I think your grandchild will be okay.  That said, it's been a long time since children were safe.  I suppose there was never absolute safety.  When I was 5, I was on my tricycle on my street and was approached by a man in a car who asked me where (the name of the next street, which I forget) was.  I told him it was the next street over, but he asked me if I would get in the car and show him.  I remember this vividly because something about him creeped me out and I got on my tricycle and headed to my apartment at warp speed.  I still remember slamming into the concrete steps and running up the stairs.  This was the 1960s!

Because of my experience, I believe all children must be taught not to answer the door unless they know who's there and not to go anywhere with strangers.  If you can give these safety lessons to your grandchild and repeat them over time, you will have done all you can.  I don't remember being told about that, but this man in the car really was so creepy that I fled.

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Wow-this sounds like our creepy guy! It's creepy that already 3 of us that posted here experienced this way back when!It almost sounds like it happened more back then doesn't it? (though I know it happens now too)

[Imadickens]

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@LTT1 wrote:

@Imadickens@Ms X@on the bay@Gram W@mom2four0418

I will also say that when our granddaughter and grandson start school, there I will be, scouting out their safety... probably!

Maybe we only really know according to our experiences. When DD started K, she made friends with a little girl who (to me) indicated experiences that were frightening. 

My my concern was mishandled by the school, who called BOTH LITTLE GIRLS into the office at the same time. I asked them to maintain confidentiality...and they didn't. 

My suspicions were founded as the mom called our babysitter from a closet begging for help! Long story...

That was my first lesson in "squeaky wheel gets the grease!" The school by then knew me as a parent who was watching out for the children as well as my own child.

Full disclosure? I've considered it! My grand's school is very close to my house! If my dd ever found out I never hear the end of it! I even thought of volunteering in her school so I'd have a reason to be there a lot! I always figured that all I really wanted was for my kids to grow up safely! Then, if I screwed them up I'd pay for their therapy !

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[Ms X]

@on the bay  Maybe it seems like it happens more now because of the massive saturation of news, given the 24-hour news channels and the Internet.  We moved less than a year after that.  Because of it, when the lady across the street talked to me when I was outside my new house I just looked at her, giving her the side eye.  I went inside and told my mother about it and she said, "If she bothers you again, we'll call the police."  Of couirse, over time we got to know and trust all of our neighbors, but my mother grew up in a major city where I guess even then there were "mean streets." 

I don't know whether it's worse now, but it's good that more children are taught about it.  Another concern of mine is people who answer the door when they don't know who it is or let strangers in who claim their car has broken down.  They should not open the door or let them in.  A lovely older couple was brutally murdered on a winter evening in their home because they were too trusting.  What a tragedy.  People should speak to them with the door still locked and offer to call the police for them. 

[on the bay]

@Ms X~

No, I was saying it seems strange that 3 of us had the experience of some guy(s) driving by asking to get in the car back then! It seems like it must have happened a lot. I think they use other ways now cause most kids are too smart to fall for that (but we were too, thank God)

Maybe its cause it would be easier for them to be caught if they just drove slowly by today. I don't know.

I think we have many more types of crime as well as that to be concerned about now, even though bombs and shooters have been happening since my kids were in school.

[Ms X]

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@on the bay wrote:

@Ms X~

No, I was saying it seems strange that 3 of us had the experience of some guy(s) driving by asking to get in the car back then! It seems like it must have happened a lot. I think they use other ways now cause most kids are too smart to fall for that (but we were too, thank God)

Maybe its cause it would be easier for them to be caught if they just drove slowly by today. I don't know.

I think we have many more types of crime as well as that to be concerned about now, even though bombs and shooters have been happening since my kids were in school.

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Well, that's an interesting point, @on the bay.  It does seem that they are all a variation of what we experienced.  How many variations can there be, after all?  When I was older, I was pumping gas at a self-serve gas station in Boston's South End when some weirdo exposed himself.  I was almost done, so I just ignored him like WHO CARES and went about my business as if it was of no concern to me, finished filling the tank and went on my way.    It never occurred to me to call the cops, as he wasn't aggressive or anything. 

[on the bay]

@Ms X~Yikes! I didn't mention that one, but that happened to me twice-once when quite young and I had the same reaction you did. just thought weirdo and didn't think much more about it but in college a guy in the street-that affected me more, maybe cause I was more mature.Sometimes I think young kids may take a lot of awful things for granted, not in a bad way just, like it doesn't register as much, though if repeated over and over or very traumatic i guess it does.

WE better not mention any more lol or we'll scare the new mama's too much!

But I am going to admit that I know if I was a mom today, I would probably want to be at school every day and make sure there were metal detectors and great security-that would be my greatest fear-none of us will forget those angels from Sandy Hook.I'd probably say, Oh, you stay home, you don't need to go to school!

Spoiler

[Ms X]

@on the bay  LOL!  I think these things are still rare, and the school shootings are even more so than these pedophiles on the streets.  That said, it's crucial that kids know not to be too trusting.  Heck, that's important even for adults.  The chances of predators being in your neighborhood or on your porch are very slim, but you should keep to your protocol all the same.  When I was younger and rode the subway all the time, I had a rule not to get on the subway alone after dark.  I kept to it no matter what.  I also have various safety protocols regarding answering the door and what to do if someone approaches my car regardless of how harmless they look.  I think it's important not to let one's guard down no matter what.  About 15 years ago, I got on an elevator alone and then a man who'd just gotten off got back on.  I was alarmed by that and literally jumped off just before the doors closed.  Maybe he'd forgotten something, but that was a breach of my safety protocols.  This may seem over the top, but I've developed these over decades and I stick to them even if I risk looking foolish.

[LTT1]

@Imadickens

Well, to give credibility to my overly-paranoid behavior, the school changed the rules for the students' path leading to the playground the following year. Perhaps they decided that since they were liable for student safety, they should reconsider.

I'm sure DD would kill me too, if I scouted out the kids' safety. However, the pre-school they attend has the camera feed so parents can check on their children. Stringent controls are somehow placed on who can view, but it is creepy.

My excuses for volunteering were: helping the teacher sort construction paper and organizing their work area; copying; reading; computer-time assisting; teaching a first aid resuscitation course... LOL FUN

[Serenity-Now]

I have similar concerns.  My son & DIL are the type who think nothing bad can happen to them.  I have family members who have worked in law enforcement, & have been pretty horrified to find out when they are standing near me with the scanner on, that there are so many pedophile types that hang around bus stops & scout the walking paths children take home, looking for their next victims.  Most of these are not reported to the newspapers or media, because then people who are thinking of moving to the area don't want to, so it is kept quiet.  That is the reason I was told, and it really opened my eyes.  

I would try searching for age-appropriate children's videos (amazon has many choices) that deal with these topics, and next time your grandkids visit, maybe they can watch them.  Or give them to the as gifts after clearing it with their parents.  But after finding out what really goes on in this world, I would personally never leave anything to chance.