Mom to Mom

[YorkieonmyPillow]

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@Ms X wrote:

@on the bay  LOL!  I think these things are still rare, and the school shootings are even more so than these pedophiles on the streets.  That said, it's crucial that kids know not to be too trusting.  Heck, that's important even for adults.  The chances of predators being in your neighborhood or on your porch are very slim, but you should keep to your protocol all the same.  When I was younger and rode the subway all the time, I had a rule not to get on the subway alone after dark.  I kept to it no matter what.  I also have various safety protocols regarding answering the door and what to do if someone approaches my car regardless of how harmless they look.  I think it's important not to let one's guard down no matter what.  About 15 years ago, I got on an elevator alone and then a man who'd just gotten off got back on.  I was alarmed by that and literally jumped off just before the doors closed.  Maybe he'd forgotten something, but that was a breach of my safety protocols.  This may seem over the top, but I've developed these over decades and I stick to them even if I risk looking foolish.

Good for you. Totally would've done the same thing!

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[YorkieonmyPillow]

I trusted NO ONE when it came to my kids' safety.

Especially when you know that oftentimes pedophiles get into positions of authority, where they will be interacting with small children - positions of "trust" - and they are then able to molest them......just because someone was a teacher, pastor, or whatever, didn't get a pass from me.

I know how they work.

Unfortunately, nowadays little kids have to fear their drug-addicted, neglectful, abusive parents as much as strangers.

It makes me sick.

[Imadickens]

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@ROMARY wrote:

Jewelwisher:  'Scare them silly' is my motto.  I'm just sick and tired of seeing tweens walking alone, especially cutting through wooded trees mini parks where nobody else is walking.  These girls are walking, head down, texting (or whatever) and actually totally unaware of who is in front of them, never mind who is lurking behind them.  Case in point:  We walkers (a small group with older dogs) have to actually all step aside (on street sidewalks) and into the street when we see a texting tween/teen walking toward us!   Dogs and all............(It's like a robot is walking toward us.)

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That's "funny"! I used to say if I scare my children so badly they need therapy as adults, I'll pay for it!😉 At least they'll be adults, and alive!

[Imadickens]

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@Bird mama wrote:

I don't have kids or the answer.  I was born in 62 and I suppose there were creeps and freaks around back then too.  I came out the womb naturally cautious, however my Ma had a talent for keeping us safe without terrifying us.  If she was alive I'd ask her how she did it.  I grew up in Detroit and was 5 when the riots broke out.  There were tanks and National Guard people patrolling and Ma had a way of explaining it without my sisters, who were older from freaking out.  I think my Ma's matter of fact way of talking, without talking down to her kids or getting all scarey was the key.  I don't know if there are more freaks now or we just hear about it more in the media.  Rough time for kids today. 

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Our moms sure did know what to do! I, too, wish I could ask her and my grandmother! I lived in Detroit for a few years from 1961-1964. This was when the Cuban Missle Crisis was going on. I went to an elementary school called Montieth. I remember looking out the window one afternoon and seeing my mother's car parked. It was too soon for dismissal. When I asked she said she was in a meeting for the PTA. Years later, she told me she was at the school every day during that time period! I'm an only child and my dad travelled for business a lot! The rest of our family lived over 1000 miles away, so it was just us then and there! She felt that if something did happen at least we'd be together and she wouldn't be trying to get through traffic and other parents trying to get to their kids. By the end of the week, lots of other mothers were parked there, too! 

On 9-11 I worked in a middle school. I was surprised how many parents came to get their kids early! (Fortunately, my ds was at that school with me and I knew my dd was safe!) I was just as surprised at how many parents didn't! Obviously, many worked and were unable, but I'm a "nester". I like my "chicks" under my wings, especially during bad times! I only wish I could figure out how to do that with my adult children! Just because they're grown doesn't keep me from wanting them to be safe or worrying about them!

[Imadickens]

@ Chrystaltree: You sound like a very good mother! I do not do anything without running it by my dd or sil first. 

@YorkieonmyPillow How scarey about the elevator! It's interesting to me how many of us say, " it's very rare, but..." and then related a story that happened to us! Yes, it usually is a person we know well, or a person of athority! I was sexually molested by my babysitter when I was 4! My dh was molested by a church deacon at 10! Even my mother let a meter reader in while she was alone! He tried to lure her into the basement but she got scared and locked him down there! He exited through the other door! Now, it's not just those with whom we meet every day we need to worry about, now it's the entire world that we let our kids invite into their lives! I didn't realize at the time that my ds was "playing" the video games with others! Plus, my ds began selling video equipment via Craigslist! Once I found out, I insisted the meetings be in public places and  one of us had to be with him! He stopped minding when a friend of his got robbed! He "sold" a game system. The buyer was bringing cash and told him to have change ! When the guy showed up he not only got the game system, but the change for the 100 bill the guy supposedly had!

I think another way we can all help our kids is if we see something, say something! If we see a person "lurking" around a playground call the police. If he's there for a good reason, he'll be let go and shouldn't mind having been questioned! But, you might be saving one or more kids from something bad! I also think when we notice children who act strangely with, or are being "dragged" by an adult! Now, my own have dug in their feet times they aren't finished in the toy aisle, but I think it warrants telling someone! I'd want someone to help my child!

The reason so many people get into trouble is that we don't want to offend any one! Unfortunately, today it's more important to err on the side of over caution! If someone ever reported me, I'd be happy someone was looking out for kids and would offer my explanation for the "suspicious" behavior, no offense taken!

[Sunnyfield]

will never forget, one day after I dropped my DS off at school, I was driving home (residential area) and saw several little girls, probably 8-12 years old, walking toward the school together...this car was driving along side them, and a couple of the girls appeared to be talking to whomever was in the car.

the car pulled away and I pulled over and asked the girls if someone in the brown car was bothering them...one of the girls said "oh, no M'am - that was my dad!"

But better safe than sorry, right???

[ccassaday]

My five yearold niece is going through this what if stage. Usually they are silly things and we just laugh with her. But lately she has had a lot of questions about dyeing. Last night my sister said she started to cry she didn't want to die and if we die why were we even made. Most of it I think is her age. She is at the age where they realize things die and don't live forever.

[Imadickens]

God bless her! That is a hard concept to come to terms with! I wish children could keep their innocence forever! Unfortunately, if they are to stay safe, at some point we must teach them to be careful! What your niece is now feeling is age appropriate, I agree. Probably, a friend lost a pet or a relative and has been sharing her own feelings on the matter! I had my first loss at 10 when my paternal grandfather died. He didn't live anywhere near me and we weren't very close. I later learned he had been senile before I was born, so it wasn't so odd that we weren't close. It wasn't until I turned 21 and lost my other grandfather that I learned about real loss! We had become very close the summer before he died. It sent me into a depression for a while!

At her age, it's hard to comprehend the religious aspect to dieing! All children know is they love their parents and don't want to be separated from them! My grand has a few relatives in their 90's with whom she is very close! I know the day is coming when her parents (this is one of the perks about being the grandparent!) will have to explain death to her. Her other grandmother is real into Python babble and will likely follow up more distantly than I will. My M.O. Is just to hold, kiss, and love the pain away. So, between the parents and the two grandmothers, she should be ok! I'm sure your niec will move on to the next topic du jour! Hopefully, it will be more upbeat!

[Imadickens]

@SunnyfieldThank God for people like you! 😘 If more people cared we'd have fewer situations with bad outcomes!

[Imadickens]

@ROMARY I agree that a certain degree of fear is good for us all. My conundrum is how much fear is right for what age! I don't want to make her so afraid that she doesn't enjoy the good things in life! But, I also want her to be afraid enough that she lives to enjoy them! This is a tedious balance that only the very best of parents get right! I'm not sure I did, although my children got to be adults with relatively few bad experiences. The one time my son knew better ended badly for him! He was supposed to be spending the night with some friends. The boys were just 16. Somehow, the parent whose home they were at allowed them to go out in the car late that night! The one boy drove erratically too fast down a dirt road and ended up flipping the truck he was driving into a ditch. My ds was the only one without a seatbelt, broken rule number 2! The cab of the truck caved in on his head and he could only get out of the truck by climbing thru glass and a tiny vent window that was behind him. Unbeknownst to my ds, the others tried to make it look like the driver had swerved to avoid a deer, which was the story we were told! Broken rule 3! One of the boys ran away before the PD arrived. My ds didn't know that and was concerned he'd been thrown into a ditch. He begged the responders to look for him, but as the wholey uninjured group denied another kid had even been there, the thought was my ds had an even worse head injury! As months went by my ds suffered dehabillitating fear and anxiety! Fortunately, he had only that fear as a lasting injury but he knows he easily could have died! He didn't tell us what his "friends" had done until years later! He learned two very hard lessons that night! Although it was fairly bad , I'm glad it was bad enough to keep him from ever "joy riding" again! All he says now is, "I knew enter, I should have listened!"