Mom to Mom

[stevieb]

On 11/11/2014 widefeet said:

While I do also find misbehaving, uncontrolled children in public to be a nuisance, I honestly do not see it that much, maybe a couple of times a year. I think it is a huge overreaction to say that it is becoming the norm.

Really, because I see examples of it most places I go these days. Fortunately, I also see examples of parents who know how and when to intervene and children who know how and when to behave.

[stevieb]

On 10/19/2014 BOYINTX said:

oh i detest that TRYING TO EXPRESS -mess.....

Isn't THAT the truth...

And don't try to defer attention from badly behaved kids and ineffective parenting by bringing obnoxious adults, pets, neighbors and so on into the mix...

[goodstuff]

I remember reading once that ""Raising children that no one can stand to be around is a serious form of child abuse"".........and I think this is correct. It is sad to see how misguided and ineffectual many parents are nowadays. Children who aren't being taught how to fit comfortably into the world and how to respect and be considerate of others will be at a huge disadvantage.

[FastDogWalker2]

On 9/29/2014 MotivatedMomma said:

While I believe that children need to learn respect and correct behaviors when out in public, I also work with special needs children and I've learned to temper my thoughts, actions and opinions when around children who are acting up. You have no idea what the actual situation is for this particular child nor what the parent(s) are going through at the time. While I believe that parents have a responsibility to teach their children appropriate behaviors, before you judge make sure you feel confident that you know the family's situation before throwing accusations out there.

Totally agree with you.

[Campion]

You have a perfect right to sit in peace in a public place. If a child is being disruptive, it's the job of the parent to control that. If the parent isn't doing that, you can't do a darn thing (because they may turn on you.) So I'd would have spoken to the owner of the salon.

"I'm sorry, my head is splitting from the noise. Since you see fit to let this continue, and this is a salon, not a kindergarten. I'm leaving and we can reschedule my hair appointment another day, if I come back at all. "

I had my grandnephew in the car and he was playing by emitting nasty, painful sharp loud screams, just to do it. My niece and nephew didn't do a damned thing (they are the "explaining" types who try to tell a three year old reasoning things rather than administer discipline, before he was hard-wired to obey. They don't get reason at that stage but they do get it's about negotiating and continuing what they want to do before the boom comes down.) So my husband finally said: I'm stopping the car if this doesn't stop RIGHT NOW.

It stopped.

[CalminHeart]

I agree a lot of times it is the parents' fault for not teaching kids how to behave in public.

However..... Perhaps the child has some kind of disorder or disability that doesn't show on the outside. We will never know what is really going on or why a child acts as he/she does. A little patience and tolerance works wonders.

[ROMARY]

Just in general: Our fairly local indoor mall was so very noisy last week or so. Hadn't been there in quite awhile. Seemed exceptionally noisy (mostly adults, BTW). Almost as though the mall was playing a background audio of loud people. Can't blame the kids on this one. In fact, Santa was there, and no lines and/or children to be seen at all. I was tempted to go over and sit on his lap, have a photo taken!

[scotnovel]

On 9/29/2014 adelle38 said:

On 9/29/2014 moonchilde said: Nothing will annoy me quicker than badly behaved children in public places. But with all the publicity that "child abuse" gets these days (90% deservedly so) I wonder how many parents are afraid to discipline their kids in public? There are kids (yes, even at age 8) that are afraid of *nothing* a parent threatens them with. I would not want to be in those parents shoes. The media has revealed time and again that social services and local governments refuse to help. Not saying every bratty kid is Bad Seed, or that parents couldn't do more, but sometimes the result of trying to prevent hypothetical "abuse" is the tying of hands.

You can discipline children without being accused of child abuse. Discipline doesn't mean hitting.

Thank you.

[bonnielu]

My kids were always under my control. I did have a crazy incident what seems like long ago and it still sticks in my mind. I took my daughter to a a small department store and was looking at an art exhibit trying to pick out a picture for our new home. She started complaining and I took her aside and told her to settle down and use her inside voice. Apparently I was overheard and the GENTLEMAN told me he was going to complain that I was abusing her by telling her to be quiet. I kid you not.

[NYC Susan]

On 12/23/2014 Scotnovel said:

On 9/29/2014 adelle38 said:

On 9/29/2014 moonchilde said: Nothing will annoy me quicker than badly behaved children in public places. But with all the publicity that "child abuse" gets these days (90% deservedly so) I wonder how many parents are afraid to discipline their kids in public? There are kids (yes, even at age 8) that are afraid of *nothing* a parent threatens them with. I would not want to be in those parents shoes. The media has revealed time and again that social services and local governments refuse to help. Not saying every bratty kid is Bad Seed, or that parents couldn't do more, but sometimes the result of trying to prevent hypothetical "abuse" is the tying of hands.

You can discipline children without being accused of child abuse. Discipline doesn't mean hitting.

Thank you.

Yes, of course. Teaching right vs. wrong, appropriate vs. inappropriate, etc. can and should be done with words and leading by example. Children are blank slates, and only know what they are taught. Screaming in a salon is not okay, and it's the job of the parent to let children know that. It does them no good not to set boundaries, and it does them no favors. We've all known kids who do not play well with others because they ruled the roost at home and were allowed to do whatever they want. That doesn't make for successful friendships or relationships, and doesn't bode well for professional futures either.

When I raised my children, we had lots of challenges, with one in particular. So we knew their limitations. If my husband & I went to a rare, upscale, nice dinner out, we hired a babysitter for our kids because we knew it wasn't an appropriate place for them to be. And it always made me crazy when we would be seated next to a family who had decided to bring their own unruly children, and allow them to be disruptive. Not a thought was given to the other people dining there. Total selfishness. They wanted what they wanted, and d*mn everyone else! If we had wanted to deal with kids on those nights out, we would have brought our own.

Children don't belong everywhere, and parents should be aware of the ages, attention spans, and temperaments of their own kids. I know a 4 y.o. who is an angel. She can go anywhere without any fuss. But lots of 4 y.o.'s can't stay still, and shouldn't be forced to do so. I've seen so many "unruly" kids who were actually really just bored. Sitting at a table listening to adult conversation for hours is not fun for children, so of course they act up. And "helping" Mommy pick out a dress gets really old for a kid after hours in a mall when all they really want is the ice cream that she promised what seems like an eternity ago.

"Disciplining kids in public" doesn't mean smacking them. It also doesn't mean yelling or embarrassing them. It means setting limits, hopefully limits that have been discussed at home. Parents may have to remind their children about these limits when they're out in public, but that can be done quietly. I think the fear of being accused of child abuse is nothing more than a lame excuse for lazy parenting. It's easier to do nothing, and have a "boys will be boys, they're just kids" mentality. But it's our job as parents to let them know what's okay & what's not okay, what's acceptable & what's not, and how important it is to think about other people.

I do have to say that I disagree with the posters who have said that dealing with noisy children is the norm these days. I really haven't seen that. I go to restaurants all the time, and I can't remember the last time I had that problem in a restaurant or anywhere else. I have much less tolerance for noisy (screaming!) kids now than when I was younger, but I must go to all the right places because I don't encounter them more than I used to at all.