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Imadickens · ‎06-15-2016

The news just showed a worksheet an autistic child filled out at school. I assume it was one of the worksheets we used to have our students do first day to get to know each other. When it came to the phrase, " My friends are..." the child answered, "no one". I remember the woman who picked my dd up from school when I couldn't told me that one time they had walked to a nearby ice cream parlor. The kids sat at tables ( she and another woman watched about 6 kids for the hour or two after school). The woman told me my dd saw another kid was sitting alone at a table so she left her friends and went over to sit with the child who was alone! You know how proud I was(and still am) of her! A few years later, my dd received an invitation to a birthday party for another girl in her class. I dropped her off and saw the mother of another classmate, a very smart boy my dd knew well, so I left. When I returned, my dd and that boy were the only kids who bothered to go! I felt so bad for that little girl! It turns out she was the one kids made fun of. On that day I was not only proud of my dd but that boy, as well! See, he wasn't only smart, he was the "in" kid! My dd was a brainiac, too, and I find it telling that those two weren't worried about popularity, just went to the party!

As mothers, we know how devastating it is when our child is the one alone. I can only hope we teach our children to do the right thing. That can be as easy as sitting with someone who is alone or including that child at their tables! Bullying can be stopped before it begins if we teach our kids not to join in and tell those who do it that it isn't funny!

Never underestimate the power of kindness.

Stormygirl · ‎08-01-2015

Awww that is a very nice and refreshing post. You should be very proud of your dd! I know what it is like to be odd person out. You know the one with no lunch money and parents too poor to dress me well? I had BPD and social situations were very uncomfortable so school was not fun. I was outraged one time when my Mother tried to do a small party but we couldnt afford much so I cried until she cancelled it lest let any kid see how poor we were. I know some parents who taught their kids well and still they ended up bullies. I think sometimes character traits are somewhat ingrained as part of ones make-up and part of a unique set of inner values along with parental teaching....thank goodness there are good kids left and that narccism hasnt totally taken over. NPD (Narccismsm can come out as bullying to hide severe shame I learned on the phsych forumns) Called NPD the shame is brought out by lashing out. Alot of bad home situations today too I guess with the onslaught of mass single parenthood. I know single parenthood damaged me. (controlling mother absent father syndrome)

GCR18 · ‎07-03-2013

I hope the child makes some friends.

Imadickens · ‎06-15-2016

@Stormygirl wrote:
Awww that is a very nice and refreshing post. You should be very proud of your dd! I know what it is like to be odd person out. You know the one with no lunch money and parents too poor to dress me well? I had BPD and social situations were very uncomfortable so school was not fun. I was outraged one time when my Mother tried to do a small party but we couldnt afford much so I cried until she cancelled it lest let any kid see how poor we were. I know some parents who taught their kids well and still they ended up bullies. I think sometimes character traits are somewhat ingrained as part of ones make-up and part of a unique set of inner values along with parental teaching....thank goodness there are good kids left and that narccism hasnt totally taken over. NPD (Narccismsm can come out as bullying to hide severe shame I learned on the phsych forumns) Called NPD the shame is brought out by lashing out. Alot of bad home situations today too I guess with the onslaught of mass single parenthood. I know single parenthood damaged me. (controlling mother absent father syndrome)

I am so sorry you lived through that! I also thank you for your post! Sadly, there are parents out there who don't believe that kindness is better than winning! I also keep trying to hammer it into people how important it is that children need to have the same lunches and clothing as all others! I have actually been astounded by principals and teachers who have absolutely no kindness in their hearts for these kids at all! Yes, it's kind of people to donate 2.99 generic sneakers to the child in need. But, I've seen how devastating it can be for the poor child to have to wear those sneakers! It's like putting a neon sign over the kid blinking, "I'm poor. I'm poor"! Before I get yelled at, no, I'm not suggesting we donate $150 Nikes to every child (or whatever the big thing is today), but I tried to help by sending my kid to school in standard items. I didn't buy them the "in" items, or the items that separated the "acceptables from the unacceptables" unless they specifically asked for something for their birthdays, which they never did! I was fortunate that they both had a feeling of self worth without showy items! I felt that if enough kids didn't wear all the "in" things, it might make those who couldn't, feel like they fit in a little more, or at least not be the only ones not wearing the hot items! Some schools banned the big ticket items for a while, but I guess the kid's who needed the items as validation got their parents to make enough of a fuss that it soon changed back. Our district even tried uniforms for a while. White tops and khaki or navy bottoms was all they required. That eliminated the designer jeans issue! Oh, and only plain, white sneakers or brown leather type shoes were allowed! Only one building chose to try it out, and everyone there loved it! Anyway, I hope that makes sense! I also refused to let my kids sell items so they could win a prize if they sold the most! That way, kids whose parents weren't able to sell hundreds of items to coworkers and family weren't the only ones who didn't sell much, if anything! I quietly donated directly to the cause, instead.

What really got me was hearing about your birthday! That had to be very hard for you and your mother! Could she have been controlling because she didn't have any choice in her position? I don't know, but my heart aches for all children who are suffering the same way!

Never underestimate the power of kindness.

blackhole99 · ‎08-22-2013

Let's face it when people don't have what they need due to finances or mental/ emotional situations we are talking dysfunction. People who are poor growing up, with parents who have mental problems to boot is a double whammy. I think we need to let our kids know that every one does not grow up with everything taken care of and unconditional love. I don't know if those facts will instill a sense of empathy in kids, but it can't hurt.Kids who have everything going for them have nothing to loose by being kind to less fortunate children and will certainly get a pat on the back from adults who think that behavior reflects on them.

Puzzle Piece · ‎06-29-2010

I remember growing up being the different one. I was a dark haired Native American and the others were blonde, blue eyed Euro Americans. I'd hear some insulting things. Some parents back then told their children not to have anything to do with me.

It wasn't until puberty that the ugly swan became the beauty. Oh, the boys came around but I remembered the nasty remarks made against me and my mother and people. I didn't have anything to do with any of them. We were poor as well.

The DYSFUNCTION was on the part of the others and their ignorance. I always wonder how others can just think that one gesture of sitting with someone and including them at an event EVER makes up for years of the abuse of the others. It never does and never will.

Never Forget the Native American Indian Holocaust

dex · ‎03-09-2010

@Puzzle Piece I agree that people treated you badly but you grew into a beautiful woman in spite of it.I hope that you can let all of those past hurts go and try not to judge as they once did...you are much more than that.

Mominohio · ‎08-08-2010

@Puzzle Piece wrote:
I remember growing up being the different one. I was a dark haired Native American and the others were blonde, blue eyed Euro Americans. I'd hear some insulting things. Some parents back then told their children not to have anything to do with me.
It wasn't until puberty that the ugly swan became the beauty. Oh, the boys came around but I remembered the nasty remarks made against me and my mother and people. I didn't have anything to do with any of them. We were poor as well.
The DYSFUNCTION was on the part of the others and their ignorance. I always wonder how others can just think that one gesture of sitting with someone and including them at an event EVER makes up for years of the abuse of the others. It never does and never will.

I don't think any adult believes that it will make up for anything. But someone has to start somewhere. Someone has to be the first to sit with the one alone at lunch. Someone has to be the one to accept the birthday party invitation of the 'unpopular' kid.

I mean, what if that is the only acceptance that child gets all year? What if that one person being first, leads to another or more? What if that one person just chickens out and the 'alone' child goes another event/school year/lifetime without a positive connection.

Please don't discourage children or adults for stepping up and noticing and trying to make a difference. It may not change the life of every 'alone' person, but it just might be a bright light in some.

libbyannE · ‎10-27-2010

@Stormygirl wrote:
Awww that is a very nice and refreshing post. You should be very proud of your dd! I know what it is like to be odd person out. You know the one with no lunch money and parents too poor to dress me well? I had BPD and social situations were very uncomfortable so school was not fun. I was outraged one time when my Mother tried to do a small party but we couldnt afford much so I cried until she cancelled it lest let any kid see how poor we were. I know some parents who taught their kids well and still they ended up bullies. I think sometimes character traits are somewhat ingrained as part of ones make-up and part of a unique set of inner values along with parental teaching....thank goodness there are good kids left and that narccism hasnt totally taken over. NPD (Narccismsm can come out as bullying to hide severe shame I learned on the phsych forumns) Called NPD the shame is brought out by lashing out. Alot of bad home situations today too I guess with the onslaught of mass single parenthood. I know single parenthood damaged me. (controlling mother absent father syndrome)

@Stormygirl

You have such insight into your life. It's impressive. You have so much to teach others.

game-on · ‎03-22-2010

@Puzzle Piece I can still hear the pain in your posts...

I know that there are people who are "alone", not appreciated by others.... we as parents can do our best to teach our children to reach out to them, but I believe they learn best by example.

However, even the best intentions can not reach every person.... some people seem to do better by themselves. They have been taught to not trust others. Or for other reasons they choose or have been taught to be leary (sp?) of others.