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Frequent Contributor
Posts: 76
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: My son was married in October and bought a house with his wife.

Why not show ito your son and let him decide. He might want to go. Young people are so much more casual about these traditions. Perhaps he will not be offended.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,811
Registered: ‎04-27-2015

Re: My son was married in October and bought a house with his wife.


@queendiva wrote:

On the flip side: when DS and DDIL married two years ago they sent all the cousins who were of similar ages invitations addressed to them at their addresses. Most lived on their own; only one was already married. All college grads.

The married cousin and her husband gave a check. The other 20-somethings did not RSVP nor did they send so much as a card of congratulations. We are talking first cousins! Ignorant! Some attended the wedding and reception; others were unable to come.

 

Both mothers also convinced the bride to add Formal Attire to the invitation. The wedding was in a church on a Friday afternoon in the summer followed by a full-blown dinner reception with all the trimmings. While technically a Friday late afternoon wedding is not a formal affair, we were seriously worried about what people, especially their friends, would wear. In the end everyone was dressed appropriately.

 

Also noticed that very few couples choose to marry in houses of worship. I guess church/synagogue, etc are not Instagram-worthy.


@queendiva  I too noticed these invitations are not for church weddings but at the venue. The person performing the ceremony is usually a friend of the couples who gets ordained on line for this event. They are called officiants....new one for me. 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,811
Registered: ‎04-27-2015

Re: My son was married in October and bought a house with his wife.


@@Sooner wrote:

Maybe I was ahead of my time, but none of this seems like a really big deal.  I was not close to my cousins for the most part, they were older than me, and the first cousins I had I never saw in my 20's.

 

I don't ever remember getting a wedding announcement from any of them, did not attend a wedding, and don't remember sending a gift to any of them.  

 

Just because you are related to people doesn't mean you are close.  And I've noticed that family reunions usually die out when you get down to cousins.  New families form and they start from there. 


@Sooner   So true, being related doesn’t mean you are close. 

It is sad that traditions like family reunions fall by the wayside. It is a way to connect with people you don’t see often, guess we have Facebook for that now. 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 14,424
Registered: ‎10-04-2010

Re: My son was married in October and bought a house with his wife.

I'd mention it to my son.  He may yet get an invite.  20 years down the road, what part of this will be important?  Family?

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,580
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: My son was married in October and bought a house with his wife.

Surprise! - to those of us who looked forward to having family gather, celebrate our Union in the religious site where we’d grown up, then come together for a lovely chicken dinner and go home in daylight, filled with some nice things to eat, family gossip, and cozy memories.

 

NOW ?? “MY WEDDING is only about ME AND MY HUSBAND (grammar optional).” “Having my sister in my wedding?? NAHH, WE’RE not CLOSE!”

 

“How can I indicate on my invite (sic) that me and my husband don’t need a lot of cr*ppy stuff that  we already have and don’t don’t want? We just want cash!” (Need to phrase this politely! (Snort).

 

Then, the angst over whether the six hour open bar should be CROWN PREMIUM alcohol or merely DELUXE SELECT. A MAJOR PRIORITY.

 

Why, I can even remember marriages that lasted “‘till death do us part”, when the Bride and Groom ACTUALLY served sandwiches and punch and wedding cake in the Church Hall, no alcohol AT ALL!

 

My mother was a severe agoraphobic, and for long periods of time during her life, never left the house. There was an invitation once sent by a family member to my mother and father addressed “Mr. and Mrs. violann”, and when someone quietly mentioned that I hadn’t received my invitation (working on my MA, in my early 20’s), the response was “We just assumed Annie would come in Eleanor’s place”. As my father’s DATE?

 

Totally agreeing, @Panda123 !!!!

 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,811
Registered: ‎04-27-2015

Re: My son was married in October and bought a house with his wife.

@violann  The only thing I can say to your post is WOW, you covered all of the bases. That is exactly how things are today.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,811
Registered: ‎04-27-2015

Re: My son was married in October and bought a house with his wife.


@fanb wrote:

Why not show ito your son and let him decide. He might want to go. Young people are so much more casual about these traditions. Perhaps he will not be offended.


@fanb   He is very easy going and would not be offended. I am the one with the problem and will have to get over it.....may take time.

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Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,790
Registered: ‎04-14-2013

Re: My son was married in October and bought a house with his wife.

We were married in my Mom's living room back in 1998 (by a minister, a woman in fact).  That's how I wanted it.

 

We have a large extended family and I've stopped trying to keep up with all the weddings and graduations.

 

Yes, I'd just respond the way you think you may, as you have said. Things have a tendency to shake out.  People find each other if they want to.  It's not unkind, necessarily - we really do not always have the time, or we choose other paths.

Birds are time, flying
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,295
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: My son was married in October and bought a house with his wife.

Even if your son wasn't married and still lived with you, he's an adult and should have received his own invite.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 15,457
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: My son was married in October and bought a house with his wife.

A lot of this thinking goes back to expectations from the days when families lived pretty close to one another, socialized together (even if they couldn't stand one another) and kids grew up young, married and had families and still lived nearby and went to mama's house for Sunday lunch or dinner.

 

I agree the world is a lot different today.  But for my situation, I hardly ever say cousins and the ones I did see often were 20 years older.

 

And yes, to me if you are living at home, just include your name on the one invitation.  If you want to be happy, don't be upset about stuff like this.  It isn't worth it.