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Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,330
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: My granddaughter ..please help...

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@Magga1234 wrote:

I have a 5 year old granddaugther who basically ignores me when I come to visit or when i meet see her at a family gathering. If time allows, I usually manage to win her over and we have fun together. She is a smart, happy little girl, an only child just out of preschool and soon to be in kindergarten. My daughter and soninlaw have told her that she is being unkind and that her behaviour is unacceptable but not much changes.  Are they being to easy on her or am I being to sensitive? I appreciate your thoughts...Thanks...  


 

I'll never forget the time my mom picked up my kids at daycare and my 5 yr old pretended to not know her! She had to show ID to take them. It broke her heart at the time. He was going through a phase.  She let him go through it but never stopped reaching out, letting him know she loved him and wanted to hang out with him.  It didn't take long for him to finish that phase. My kids were very close to my parents and adored them. They'd sometimes walk to their house instead of home after school.  They spent time there when I had to travel for work. They hung out there when there wasn't school.  They golfed, had picnics, and did so many things together.  The child who pretended to not know Mom even named his first girl after her.  

Valued Contributor
Posts: 634
Registered: ‎04-13-2010

Re: My granddaughter ..please help...


@QVCkitty1 wrote:

I was a shy little girl and I can tell you sometimes having people forced on me was torture. Of course she shouldn’t be rude or disrespectful, but beyond that .i don’t know what you want her parents to do. We like who we like, and you did say you have had good times with her. My advice is don’t try and force it. Just another perspective .


@QVCkitty1 I was the same - my parents were very insensitive people - they forced me to hug and kiss relatives even though it made me uncomfortable. It was a different time then and I think parents now are more aware of children's feelings and need for space. I wouln't allow the child to be rude or mean, but also would not force her to do things she was reluctant to do.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,935
Registered: ‎03-20-2010

Re: My granddaughter ..please help...

@Magga1234  You didn't say whether you live close to her or not.  If you do and she sees you infrequently now then maybe little outings once a week just for ice cream, a petting zoo, making craft projects, to a movie or watching a movie together at your place, to a playground, build a bear or a special breakfast with  you every week at a restaurant.  She needs to have something in common with you and then she will start feeling more comfortable around you.   If you don't live close maybe you can send her videos  of you reading books to her.  That is what my SO's sister did when her grandsons didn't respond well when they saw her infrequently because they lived 9 hours away from her and now they are used to seeing her and love the stories she reads to them at night.  They also facetime a lot and tell her about what they did since they talked to her last and they love doing it.   Having her parents tell her she is being unkind or reprimand her and demand she change will only make her back off even more.  She probably just needs to be around you more.  Buying her presents is only like bribing her to be around you.  

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,397
Registered: ‎12-24-2010

Re: My granddaughter ..please help...

She's only 5 - but take inventory of yourself to see if there is something about you that bothers her............talks in a loud voice - your voice is unpleasant to her or others - perfume do you wear a 'flavor' that might not appeal to her or use too much - do you grab out for her that might scare her - have bad breath???  We all have little things that bother us about another person which makes us want to avoid them.   Perhaps your GD just needs more time to warm up to certain people.  Good Luck

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,732
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: My granddaughter ..please help...

I don't know how much time you spend with her but I have found that Time is the key. If you rarely see her she probably feels like she doesn't really know you.

I have very young grandkids and they love it when we play with them. They like one on one attention.

We pay games (even if they have no idea how to play), play with dolls, swim in the pool, go to carnivals, read books, tell made up funny stories, out for meals and ice cream,...kids love all that. We play Restaurant ...they pretend they are in a restaurant and order what they would like for lunch. You have to put yourself in her shoes and think like a kid. Try acting silly or say something funny...kids love to laugh.

I would also ask her what she would like to do with you as a special day event...just put some time into it and I bet it will be worth every minute...Good Luck. 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 11,964
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: My granddaughter ..please help...

@Magga1234 

 

don't take it so personally which I had to "learn".  I live 1500 miles from my GD and we have a wonderful time on Skype everyday. 

 

Then after I fly home, they pick me up at airport she says "oh hi grandma" NO HUGS, NO KISSES, ETC. certainly not what I "expect" ...

 Of course, my son (her dad) gets mad and "lectures" her about costs of traveling to come to visit her, buy her bday gift, etc. -- I tell him to "STOP".   She will grow into her own personality and he doesn't need to "lecture" her how to act when she sees me.

 

Once I'm there awhile she asks me "let's go Grandma".  I savor those fun times & I'm usually there 2-3 weeks and when I leave she cries.  An hour later, she will call me at the airport and tell me have a safe trip home.  

 

We have a wonderful time together 1 on 1.  I plan my visits to include her BUT if we go to my cousins or go out with friends she is a little shy...that's lasts for a bit. 

 

Its just the age!  I don't know if you live close but I know even if I did my GD is glued to her Mom & Dad and is a only child too! 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,217
Registered: ‎12-05-2012

Re: My granddaughter ..please help...


@GCR18 wrote:

Can you spend more 1:1 time with her?  Take her out for an ice cream or to the park.  If she's always been this way, it's time to turn it around.  If it's a new behavior, can you remember what was happening at the time.  It sounds like the parents agree with you.  I think though you should break the ice and find more opportunities to be with her alone.

 


Also, you might buy a book and read to her or bring over a craft type item or coloring book and caryons to do together. Maybe some kiddie manicure supplies.

Stay with her when parents aren't home and fix lunch.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,217
Registered: ‎12-05-2012

Re: My granddaughter ..please help...

I agree that reprimanding her is wrong ( parents need to back off)...a five year old is not mature enough to 'feel' or understand things from another persons point of view. That comes in later years.

However, the parents should model the expected behavior by showing interest in you, hugs and kisses when you arrive and leave.

Agree with advice on one on one time and activities you can do together. Even side by side activities like watching TV or going together to a movie.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,502
Registered: ‎03-28-2015

Re: My granddaughter ..please help...

My Granddaughter is 7 and there were times she woud come over and just run into her playroom....

 

What worked for me was....I would tell her I needed some sprinkles on my cupcakes and would she do it for me......Or pretend that I didn't know how to put the dress on her doll...would she show me?

 

I got a stciker book and told her I don't know what to do with it and who are the characters.

 

At 5. I would let her paint my nails  or do make up on me.

 

Try asking her help for something and I bet she will  jump right in.

 

Just remember NOT to criticize... I had to bite my toungue a few times when I let her water my plants and she drowned a few....LOL

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,568
Registered: ‎06-15-2014

Re: My granddaughter ..please help...

Get down on the floor, eye level with her and start playing with a toy she likes, or get a new toy you can play with her—- coloring, play dough, blocks. I bet 

she comes over to you on her own. The worst thing to do is to force interaction, it then becomes a chore.

 

I would also bring her favorite treat, a little gift.

 

Good Luck, hope things go well—-hard to be patient.