Mother of the Bride

Colinka · ‎10-15-2011

I am so sad today, yet happy. My 32 yr old daughter is engaged, and soon to be married to a wonderful guy. That's the great news. However, the bad news part is that she is living halfway around the world in South Africa, and will be married there. My husband can't fly there, so we will miss the wedding and reception (except through Skype).

Tday she went with friends to try on wedding dresses, and then sent me some pictures. She looks wonderful, but it is so bittersweet to see her trying on dresses without being here.

Have any of you had to go through something similar? Please give me some words of encouragement, as I am very sniffly right now...

Annabellethecat66 · ‎03-12-2010

No I haven't but I will say that my youngest daughter (soon 38) has said many times she intends to be married in Colorado (where she lives) and I (and my family lives in Va).

I've always told her that if I'm paying for it she will be married in Va and then if she wants to repeat it in Colorado, that's fine too.

She isn't in a romantic relationship but has a male best friend (platonic) that she does everything with. His family also lives in Va right down the road from me.

Most of her friends live in Va too. I can't imagine how difficult for you this is. I have to wonder if one day your daughter will regret not having her Dad walk her down the aisle or having her mom give her one last kiss before she becomes a wife and partner to someone.

Just know I understand this is very difficult for you and maybe, just maybe something will change. Annabelle/Linda

blackhole99 · ‎08-22-2013

I don't know, my hair would be on fire by now, you are a much more understanding person than I would be. Maybe she and her new husband could come home in the future and she could at least repeat the ceremony and have a party for family and friends in the states.

panda1234 · ‎04-27-2015

Why not do it twice, here and South Africa? Does she know how hurt you are by this? This is a once in a lifetime event and not having family there would feel like a void to me. I am so sorry what should be a happy occasion is not so joyous.

Kitlynn · ‎03-09-2010

Our daughter is engaged and getting married at thirty seven for the first time (hopefully the only time) we are really excited and we will be planning the wedding together. I do think however that a lot of couples that get older do different things for weddings. I am wondering if you could have a reception for them where you live when they can come home. You could help her pick out a dress for that and have a cake and some other wedding things. I know it is not the perfect solution but at least you would get to feel like you got to participate in some celebration.

FastDogWalker2 · ‎03-10-2010

My friend's daughter did as Panda123 suggested; she had two ceremonies. I hope your daughter will find a way to include you. I am sorry - that is hard.

Colinka · ‎10-15-2011

Thanks for all the kind comments and suggestions. I have resigned myself to the situation, but it is still bittersweet.. (It will be my only chance to see a daughter married, as my other daughter is determined to never marry, and we agree with her choice, as she has medical issues.)

They may come to the US sometime next year, but we won't have a reception here, as they have told us they would rather have the money than a party. Our family is all over the US, and it would be difficult to pick one place for a reception, anyway.

panda1234 · ‎04-27-2015

@Colinka wrote:
Thanks for all the kind comments and suggestions. I have resigned myself to the situation, but it is still bittersweet.. (It will be my only chance to see a daughter married, as my other daughter is determined to never marry, and we agree with her choice, as she has medical issues.)

They may come to the US sometime next year, but we won't have a reception here, as they have told us they would rather have the money than a party. Our family is all over the US, and it would be difficult to pick one place for a reception, anyway.

@Colinka This is just so sad. They would rather have the money than celebrate their marriage with family. Knowing your other daughter will not marry (I have the same situation with my daughter, medical issues) that would be more reason to do this. My son is getting married in the fall. His wife to be insists that I be included in the planning because she knows that I will not be doing this with my daughter. My heart is broken for you and your husband.

dex · ‎03-09-2010

My only child a son and his fiancé eloped and were wed in the Bahamas on June 16 this year.They kept in touch with video,text and phone calls....not perfect but not bad.I felt it was their most special day and the start of their life together so whatever worked for them worked for us.They saved a ton of money by not having a wedding and had the time of their lives.They will use their money saved for a home.I think that is wise as weddings are expensive and stressful events that cost a lot for just one evening.We will see them in August for a family celebration and I am looking forward to it.Try not to feel sad.I think times are going to change and this will one day be the norm..I have heard that some places live stream the wedding so you might ask if they can do that for you.

NEvans2 · ‎01-15-2017

Is there a reason why you can't go to the wedding? If your husband can't fly there, wouldn't he want you to be there? I know it wouldn't be the same without him, but it would be a shame if you both missed the wedding.