Mom to Mom

[jeanlake]

Having a relationship with someone with low, emotional IQ (EQ) is soooooooo frustrating. Did I mention it's frustrating? Some people operate in confrontational ways. It's their energy. It's their insecurity. You can't fix them. Gain control by reading up on the subject of dealing with low EQ and passive/aggressive, confrontational people. Take the high road and take back your power by not allowing her to be your krazy maker. Expect nothing from her. (Easier said than done and yes, I've had an in-law who upset our family dynamics. It took a while for us to realize we gave her too much power in our lives) 

[kaydee50]

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@luvmybeetle wrote:

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@kaydee50 wrote:

A friend who had some problems with her MIL once told me that I should marry "an only child orphan."  Not bad advice.

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Nope that doesn't work.  I married an only child, I am one also, and it is worse because his mother made a God out him and resented me for taking him away.  It was a miserable life until she passed away.  She used to pick up after him even after he was past 20.  I have so many stories.

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So sorry that you had such a problem with your MIL.  But I did say "orphan" i.e., no parents, no siblings.  Still think it's good advice.

[RedTop]

@FuzzyFace,

I’ve listened to DIL stories for years from my 2 best friends; I’ve felt their hurt, and watched tears flow because of the relationship.    

As expected, my friend with the short fuse actually blew her top on her DIL.   Shockingly, it worked, and their relationship is very much improved.   

Truthfully, I don’t think my other friend will ever have the relationship she wants with her DIL, regardless of what she does.   This friend literally bends over backwards to do for her DIL and grandchildren.   Son lives out of state, so my friend is lucky to see the grands 3x a year when they drive thru this area on the way to see DIL’s family.   I met this DIL once 10 years ago; she is an insecure control freak if I ever saw one.   

[Warrior2022]

I do understand how hurtful it must be for you.  I mean this with kindness.  You may want to read the first sentenace of your third paragraph in your other post.

[dex]

@FuzzyFacei think you should tell her how you feel..  If you want a relationship with her then she needs to hear that. You might be giving her the impression that she isn’t as important as your son and granddaughter.I hope that you can work this out with her and find a way to enjoy your family time without shade.Do you like her?If you dont then you have to find a way to at least appreciate her..after all your son loves her and she gave you all that beautiful grandchild.

[Warrior2022]

If this is a new thing, she may be in pain and be scared from her surgury.

[chi5925]

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@TTerri wrote:

Sit her down, tell her what's on your mind and if she does threaten to not let you see your granddaughter, let her know you'll see her in court.

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I think your suggestion is spot on EXCEPT the "see her in court" part.  There is no one State that has a clear-cut law granting the grandparents visitation rights.  The States that do allow grandparents to pursue legal means push for the grandparents to have burden of proof.  It could be a long, expensive, legal process without knowing the possible outcome.

You're right in advising the OP to sit down and talk to her DIL.

[FuzzyFace]

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@TTerri wrote:

Sit her down, tell her what's on your mind and if she does threaten to not let you see your granddaughter, let her know you'll see her in court.

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Are you crazy?

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[FuzzyFace]

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@TaylorBrown wrote:

 It has been my experience that in-laws in general overstep their bounds.

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Not me.

[FuzzyFace]

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@DrakesMomma wrote:

I am not a mother-in-law but I am a daughter-in-law.  What sort of relationship has your daughter-in-law had with her mom?  Is she projecting that realtionship onto you?  Does she see you as a threat? And, if so, why?  

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That's an interesting point; I had always assumed my DIL was tight with her mother but I don't actually know for sure. My son once remarked that they don't see all that much of each other, so now I wonder if possibly she's butted heads with her mother too.

Here's one example of why DIL is hard for me to get along with: we were supposed to get together but I had to cancel at the last minute because I wasn't feeling well (this was around the time I was diagnosed with hepatitis). She complained to her husband that this constitued my "disrespecting" her.

For God's sake, I had HEPATITIS ! And she knew it.

I guess my son had a talk with her about this and I've never tried to get together with her again. I'd love to get together with her to go shopping or a movie, etc. But I can't be constantly be defending myself even when I haven't done anything wrong.